“You know the good ole days weren’t always good, And tomorrow ain’t as bad as it seems” Billy Joel
“The fear of something is always worse than the reality” FeatherLeaf
I am standing before the precipice flapping my wings. I am making the leap of faith, expecting to fly.
There is one thing for certain, that is life goes on. For generations men and women have been born, to live out their lives and than to perish. The overwhelming majority forgotten in the abyss of history. Of course every one of those people are extremely important as they were what created what we have today.
My circumstances seem that my finances will soon end up. As a result I am focusing more and working harder at my writing. I writes stories, novels, song lyrics and poems. I might even begin a joint effort working on a play. It is my hopes and dreams that I would be extremely successful. If not I will know in my heart that I tried my best.
Because of my wife’s condition I cannot get a job. I had an interview for a job that I would enjoy doing but I couldn’t find anybody to watch my wife. Besides the job would have paid little more than what I would need to pay somebody to watch my wife. So faced with one choice I have to accept it.
So what are these times that I am going through. I have learned to appreciate every aspect of life. Just like eating a five course dinner, none of the courses should be rushed through. Rather every moment met with appreciation and savor. On the roller coaster ride there is the building of anticipation when is raised to the heights. In the gentle ascension one can look around at the dizzying heights. When the top is reached and the speedy plummet occurs all circumstances change. Both however are aspects of the joy of the ride.
The Bible tells us to wait on the Lord. I am in that period now. Waiting on the Lord does not mean idleness, by any means. Rather it is a time of preparation. I trust that God is using my adverse circumstances to trust in Him. I find it unconscionable that God would abandon my wife who spent her entire life caring for other people.
The story of Joseph is a very interesting one. Joseph went from being Jacob’s favorite to being sold into slavery. From slavery he was thrown into jail on a lie. Eventually he rose to be second in charge of Egypt. There is of course a lot more to the story. Here is the point I want to make, we cannot take God for granted. The Puritan ‘health and wealth’ gospel is an outright lie. When these preachers tell you to claim your miracle they are making God their errand boy. Sometimes we have to go through suffering and hardship. Those days as a slave and as a prisoner molded Joseph’s character so when his time came he was ready for his fate.
I knew that I would eventually face this inevitability. I pray that I can do some with courage and confidence in God. It is more than a learning experience but it is also an opportunity to prove my faith. It is a simple thing to be faithful when all is well. When the apostles were with Jesus on the Sea of Galilee on a sunny day and calm waters there was no problems. However when the storm rose up and the boat was in danger of sinking everything changed. I’ve gone through too much in my life to hear those words, “Oh ye of little faith, why did you doubt?”
I have never been in want in my entire life despite my mental illness. I have never been hurt severely, at least physically. I have no reason to doubt that God won’t take care of me. Of course I have the promises in his Word. I am a shooting star, will I crash and burn or explode illuminating the universe?
Please read my story of faith and overcoming mental illness in my memoirs “More Than The Madness” https://johnkaniecki.weebly.com/more-than-the-madness.html
Photos by dok1,