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True Failure

“For a saint is just a sinner who fell down, And got up”  Donnie Mcclurkin 

“But nothing is perfect in God’s perfect plan” Neil Young 

They say nothing is certain but death and taxes but I got to throw in troubles. I never had a day where I hadn’t found some kind of trouble in doing something. 

Famine photoRegardless of any characteristic, religion, race, wealth, sex, orientation, something is going to vex you today. There is going to be some kind of challenge, something that you would rather not have had come your way. Of course some people are wondering where the next meal is coming from while others complain that their caviar is too salty.

Faith is something that is key in life. Faith doesn’t mean living a sinless life.  Rather faith is an affirmation of the truth of what you believe in. In the Christian faith the idea of failure is not in falling short. The idea of failure is giving up. There is a tremendous difference between the two.

In suffering from clinical depression I know the depths of depression. For somebody who has never been there I don’t believe you will ever understand. Try to tell me what getting wet is like without going into the water, it’s an impossibility. I spent several weeks lying on my bed just thinking of ways to kill myself. But eventually things got better and I moved on with my life.

Now I am turned back to those days, where life seems to be simply overwhelming. My wife suffers from dementia and at this point she really can’t do anything on her own, including using the bathroom or eat. Besides the tremendous amount of agony of just witnessing somebody whom you love in such a helpless state there is the reality of this cold world. That is if the money runs out we’ll be out to fend on our own.

Now herein lies the difference between success and failure, to give life my best shot. I firmly stand on the promises of God that I will have all my basic needs provided for as He promised. Ideally I’d like to become a successful author and make a lot of money so I can take care of myself.

So I look back to the point where I first suffered depression and I see the many parallels. First and foremost, what my wife and I are going through is a very negative thing. I wouldn’t wish dementia on any other human being it is a wicked and evil thing. Secondly I am limited in the scope of my response. I don’t work because I’m lazy but rather because my wife needs twenty four hour care. So I write and do the best that I can hoping on a miracle.

But in all honesty when I compare my early depression to what is going on now I can say to things. My situation today is far worse and secondly I have a lot more hope today. The reason is that I have walked this road before. I know coping mechanisms and how to not let things get you down. I know the power of being both positive and persistent. I understand not to be bitter or to wallow in self pity. I am not flying high but I am crawling along on the ground. As long as I don’t stop trying I will never fail.

I have poetically captured some of my thoughts in my book “Polishing The Fragments”. I think you would enjoy reading it. https://johnkaniecki.weebly.com/polishing-the-fragments.html

 

Photos by fabiopaoleri,

True Failure

John Kaniecki

John Kaniecki is a full-time caregiver for his wife Sylvia. He is a published writer and works with the Church of Christ. John has lived with bipolar for over thirty years and has been hospitalized nine times, three of which were committed. John has chronicled his life story in his memoirs "More Than The Madness". Also of note is John's book of poetry "Murmurings Of A Mad Man" which are poems written about being committed in Graystone Psychiatric Hospital. John believes in the power of words to change the world for the better. His website can be seen here. His books can be seen on Amazon. You can visit his personal blog "Turn A Page Or Two" here.


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APA Reference
Kaniecki, J. (2018). True Failure. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 20, 2018, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/fragments/2018/02/true-failure/

 

Last updated: 15 Feb 2018
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 15 Feb 2018
Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.