Home » Blogs » Polishing the Fragments » Trying To Be Perfect

Trying To Be Perfect

“Jesus said unto him, If thou wilt be perfect, go and sell that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come and follow me.” God

Seems like nobody in the religious business wants to be perfect. Wonder why? 

jesus photoI remember before a I became a Christian I was studying my Bible. I was reading in the New Testament and I liked what I heard. I was believing Jesus was the Son of God but I was wondering about the group of people I was associating with. Did they really believe in God? From my experiences I didn’t think the catholic church was some bastion of love.

Well there is this scripture in the book of James which says something to the effect that tomorrow is not promised. So if you are to talk about future plans one should preface the statement with “If the Lord wills I will do such and such”. It might seem like a trivial thing but to me, as one just starting to read the Bible, it was an obvious command.

Well nobody in  my group  was saying “If the Lord wills”. They were saying plans about the future just like the world did which the Bible condemns as boasting. Finally I encountered a man name Jack who when he spoke it seemed like ever other words out of his mouth was “If the Lord wills”.  My friend driving me home said to me “Don’t worry about Jack he’s been that way ever since his heart attack.”

Well I got baptized and became a Christian. I had a real faith trying to obey everything in the Bible. Then I came across that scripture I quote above. Once again it seemed to me like clear teaching. So I started to give everything that I had away to the poor. When my parents found out I was committed to a psychiatric hospital. The sixty days I spent locked up really took a toll on me. As did the following years where I was in denial about my illness. To be perfectly honest I have never fully recovered from my mental illness. I am at best a broken person struggling to survive.

Now thirty years later things have dramatically changed. I haven’t worked in three years as my wife suffers from dementia. She is sitting next to my right now as I write these words. The poor thing can no longer walk on her own and she doesn’t even have the sense to realize it. So every other minute I have to remind her about reality and help her get back in her chair. Showering her is an extremely difficult task. I fear it is a matter of weeks and I’ll have to put her in a nursing home. Unfortunately I don’t have the money that requires.

So I write in desperation hoping that somehow I might be very successful. I have a dozen books out ten published by small independent publishers and two poetry books self published. But my sights are really looking once more on ‘trying to be perfect’. The Bible says the “Love of money is the root of  all evil”. Not that you would know it from the charlatans and hypocrites professing their love for God. It is horrendous how these cable television preachers take in massive amounts of money and do relatively little for the poor.

My biggest fear is not being able to take my psychiatric medicine. However I know that if this happens I am going to have another tremendous adventure to write about. If you would like to read about my past please check out my memoirs “More Than The Madness” http://amzn.to/2m6vVAQ

Photos by Karen Gadbois,

Trying To Be Perfect

John Kaniecki

John Kaniecki is a full-time caregiver for his wife Sylvia. He is a published writer and works with the Church of Christ. John has lived with bipolar for over thirty years and has been hospitalized nine times, three of which were committed. John has chronicled his life story in his memoirs "More Than The Madness". Also of note is John's book of poetry "Murmurings Of A Mad Man" which are poems written about being committed in Graystone Psychiatric Hospital. John believes in the power of words to change the world for the better. His website can be seen here. His books can be seen on Amazon. You can visit his personal blog "Turn A Page Or Two" here.


No comments yet... View Comments / Leave a Comment

 

 

APA Reference
Kaniecki, J. (2018). Trying To Be Perfect. Psych Central. Retrieved on July 16, 2018, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/fragments/2018/01/trying-to-be-perfect/

 

Last updated: 14 Jan 2018
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 14 Jan 2018
Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.