Father photo“The soul that sinneth, it shall die. The son shall not bear the iniquity of the father,” God

When we are young we often question the rules that we must abide by. Injustice looms large as we with envy examine the situation of somebody who got it better than us. Still when we are being raised there is something more profoundly fundamental going on. By means of observation we are learning the behaviors, methods and attitudes of our parents. Often if we are not careful we find ourselves copying them. 

I want to go to the positive side of my upbringing first. My father was a very hard worker. He spent hours working hard and providing the material needs for the family. When I went to college he paid for my tuition and when I was in psychiatric hospitals or saw doctors he paid the bills. For his faults my dad wouldn’t be what you called lazy by any means.

My dad placed a great emphasis on both education and learning. Just by possessing both a Master’s degree and a PhD the lesson was communicated. Also my dad had a large library and was constantly getting books by mail. I would observe him reading before he went to bed. So I too developed a love for reading.

As a scientist my dad was very honest. He also didn’t have any prejudices. I took on these traits as well.

Unfortunately that is where the positive aspects end. I know already that my dad has surpassed a lot of others just by that short list. I am not going to point out every fault of my dad but rather  express what I learned and how I adjusted.

When I got married my wife wanted to spend all of her time with me. This was very unusual to me as my dad and mom almost never spent time together. Even when they were in the house at the same time they really weren’t together. I used to say to my friends that it’s better that she wants to spend too much time with me rather then too little. Now I see that what I learned subconsciously wasn’t right.

Another thing was experience the wholesome touch of another human being like a hug or a kiss. The only person in my family who ever gave me a hug and a kiss was my grandmother. This all changed when I became a Christian. Not only would the women hug  you but so would the men. There were a host of old ladies who came and made sure everybody was greeted with a great big kiss and hug. Compassionate human touch is a necessity for a healthy human being.

My dad was very materialistic and loved money. He would talk about his investments and he would read books on it. Every day he would watch the stock market report with his little card out figuring how he did in the market. If I tried to talk to him during this time I was severely scolded in rebuke. As a young child I too worshiped money. However I also understood that I was very unhappy despite some materialist possessions. Thus I abandoned money as a means to happiness. In fairness to my dad he was a child of the depression so he had a real fear of poverty. As I now face a fear of poverty money is looming all the more important in my personal life. Still I see money as a means to an ends and not an ends in itself.

My dad had a particular way of cursing. Sometimes when I get angry I find myself repeating his words verbatim. I have to stop myself and hold my tongue. It takes a conscious effort to not repeat his words.

In life we have to find out own way. Everybody is brought up in a narrow microcosm. As tiny children we really don’t have many options. Eventually we grow up and the world opens up with a freedom that we can do as we please. However the past has invisible shackles that bind us, even if you are not aware of it. Be aware!

Once more I approach this issue poetically. Other sentimental thoughts on life are in my book “The Lost Cantos Of John Kaniecki”  https://johnkaniecki.weebly.com/lost-cantos-of-john-kaniecki.html

 

Older

By John Kaniecki

Little girl, little boy
Life of wonder full of joy
Everything refreshing and new
Grass green and the sky blue
You look through pure eyes
Ignorant of truth and lies
As you grow and as you learn
A fire inside begins to burn
Why mommy? Why daddy?
Are things this way?
You’ll understand when you’re older
That’s what they say

Busy, busy, busy, so much to do
Life to live, school and playing too
Minute to minute, life, day after day
Questions on so much, you wonder why
You’ll understand when you’re older
That’s what they say

Larger, you grow, things change
You’ve learned on your own
As you’ve grown
And things are less strange
Still the world is neither tidy nor neat
And your vision is far from complete
Sometimes you still question the dismay
You’ll understand when you’re older
That’s what they say

Now a parent the baby’s getting bold
You just want them to do as their told
Such annoying questions deep from the soul
You strive to keep control
Something inside has died you are colder
Do you understand now that you’re older