5 thoughts on “Foster/Adoptive Kids Who “Shop” for New Parents

  • April 4, 2019 at 9:26 am

    Yes my son went to live with a person that was my friend. He was 20 when he left. He always told me he doesn’t need anyone. How he hated living at our house . How he hated me. How all the other parents let their kids do what ever. He was so verbally abusive using the F word all the time. It is very hard not to take it personally. When he shoved my husband and The school was going to call CPS I had to do something. I asked him to get help or move out. That night was a big blow out. He said he was going to live with this woman I was friends with. He asked for his things. In my anger I packed all his things and had them ready for him when he came. I couldn’t keep trying to hold on to someone who was so cruel do to his hurt from early trauma. It traumatized our who family. We always had his back. We loved him unconditionally and still do but at some point you have to except the fact you can not keep destroying your family to try and help this young man who just wants to blame you for all his misfortune. We know he is hurt very badly and I keep trying to reach out but he just wants to blame not work things out. Deep down he truly is a good soul. He is so nice to everyone outside of our home. My son will not accept any responsibility for his actions. I asked him is he is every sorry for how he treats me. His answer is NO! I have apologized several time and told him he can come home if he wants. His response is no all we do is argue. We pray he will someday get the help he needs to have a good life. He doesn’t want to work things out. This was a year and ten months ago. The longer this goes on the more angry he is. 💔😢.

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  • April 4, 2019 at 9:28 am

    Oh and he hates it there.

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  • April 4, 2019 at 9:51 am

    I have 3 adopted children, each of them has Reactive Attachment Disorder. They have been in our family for 5 years. My 2 youngest are always “Mommy Shopping.” The older one is a girl and the youngest is a boy. My daughter is more subtle in her methods of mommy shopping, she watches every move people make, she accesses them, whereas my son is very disinhibited and will go home with anyone at any time. My son’s mommy shopping scares me to no end. My 3 are bio siblings and with each child born the neglect became more and more severe, which might be why my youngest is not attached to any one, or anything. I will say my daughter’s behaviors from RAD are extremely severe, but she also suffered more abuse. My heart is broken for them, but on a positive note my oldest son (13) is learning to cope and I believe he truly does have an attachment to me. He still has difficultly understand emotions, but he has figured out the appropriate behaviors to align with what he is feeling. ~ Heather

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  • April 4, 2019 at 3:23 pm

    Our oldest adoptive daughter (she joined our family at age 4) has done this since we’ve had her, and that’s been nearly 7 years. She danced away from her foster family she’d been in for over a year and never looked back. Never cried for them or said she missed them. Pretty soon the “new family” novelty wore off though! It seems to be worse than ever. Her life here is picture perfect… sweet siblings, loving and patient parents that get along beautifully, adorable animals (even a pony and baby goats!) you name it… other kids come to our farm and never want to leave. She, on the other hand, wants to kill me (mother) and says she just wants to live with whoever doesn’t have ANY rules. She’s constantly “advertising” herself with perfect behavior in public and talking about all the things she’s really good at. She’s been in therapy for RAD, but still as unhappy with us as ever!

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  • April 5, 2019 at 7:10 pm

    Our daughter during her 8th grade graduation made a speech in Spanish thanking a woman we had never met (it was a small class and they were supposed to thank their parents and other important people in their lives). She then gave the woman a rose and walked right by us like we didn’t exist. We also noticed that she had a dress on under her gown that was different then had been wearing when we left that day. She tried to leave with her that day and couldn’t understand what the big deal was. Very scary!!!

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