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123 Comments to
Divorce – What Girls Miss When Dad Leaves The Home

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  1. This does effect a girls life greatly. My mom & dad got divorced when I was 3. My dad was never absent, only when he was around his wife & step children, he only thought about them & treated me like I was a third wheel, they did also. Anyways, my dad moved 2 hours away two years ago to work, work, & work, without giving much thought into seeing me to this day. He only saw me very rarely. It’s not fair to me because I have to live with this emptiness everyday of my life, trying to replace it with not so good news older men. I am 17. I keep going back to this older man that hurt me a lot, it’s like I have no control over myself, I keep making the same mistake with every guy/man comes my way.

  2. My girlfriend went through an ugly divorce when she was 4 years old, she is now 23 and she has never seen her father until 7 months ago. She told me stories about how she met some guys that just played with her heart and basicly used her for sex when she thought she was starting a relationship. And it went on several times before she met me. I love this girl, I care about her, though sometimes I feel that I’m not enough for her and she still looks for what she had before me but I show her that I care for her more then what she’s felt from her previous boyfriends and her father, and she’s thankful for that, but she hides somethings from me which makes things very suspicious. I don’t what to leave her side because of her past mistakes. How¬†would I talk to her about this issue, I find it very hard because I have tried talking to her about this and she was very protective of herself and this article has shed some light on what seems to have happened to her. Can someone please helpe?

  3. You all who keep harping on the need of a father in a girl’s life. You are over doing this campaign/movement. Some of you are so confused and misguided.
    A girl who is raised withour her father, but is raised by a loving mother who talks with her daughter and uplifts that child, will be able to raise a secure, well adjusted, confident female. I see this eveyday and have seen it for years. In fact, when we put so much emphasis on dad’s importance as if he is king of the land, we really are giving a vulnerable, gullible, young girl the impression that she is validated by a man and that she should listen to and cling to dad only, then cling to boyfriend, then to husband. how ridiculous!!

    What you dad promoters should be spending your time doing, is telling these dads to spend time with their sons, in order to teach them how to respect and treat females. That is the whole solution. That is where the trouble lies, with these out of control boys whose dads are so busy hanging around the daughter trying to get into her girl business.
    Move back dad and let your wife do her mother-daughter job. You should be busy protecting this family and raising your boys, while you are trying to soothe your ego by hanging with your daughter.

    Dads spending more time with the sons, would change a lot of objectification and violence against women. And you know what, your daughter won’t have to worry about choosing the wrong man, because a grown up man taught that young boy how to treat women.

  4. Never has a true word been spoken,I went. Through something I’m the late 70s and indudp recovered from my loss my sister did exactly what you have said,I have two young daughters and my ex wife has now stopped of from. Seeing them as she has met a new guy.I screwed my marriage up as I Know but now because she is moving on she not only wants to destroy my life but that of my two girls and after seeing my sister do exactly what you have paid I am so scared that history will repeat itself simply for my ex wides stupidity what the hell can i do going to court to Try and save them but then I take away there mum no who situation.

  5. I came across this article and can agree this to be true. my father was never really apart of my life and im 24 and i still feel like im missing apart of me. although i have an amazing mother and sisters, there has been this empty hole in my heart. when first i was dating i was afraid to give my heart and still am. Its like trying to find someone that is not there. I always found older men more attractive and mature and i can say it is because ive never had a male role model. Currently, i fallen for a recently divorced man with kids and i am in a fix because i do not know if i want this person because of the way i feel or because he replaces the emptiness in my heart. what ever advice will be great!

  6. I can’t help but feel these comments are one sided… I’m a father of a now 10 year old beautiful girl. When my daughter was only 4 her mom was just starting her experimentation into social drugs other than her already prominent interest in alcohol and pot. She took on a new job, where socialising and mingling with real estate agents was part of her game to get business. Soon, she was out every weekend. Didn’t come home until the morning. I started making a stand, asking her what is going on… you’ve changed so much. She just told me I was being controlling. Well, it reached a boiling point and she felt she could be a lot happier without me. We maintained 50/50 shared parenting relationship although, I knew she was getting sitters weekly.

    Out of the blue she told me she was moving to a city with my daughter 4 hours away. I talked to lawyers and other professionals, yes I could have stopped her. But what would that do to our parenting relationship?… So, we met half way for about 6 months. Then, she reached out to me. (later to find out that she broke up with a man she moved away for) She wanted to give our relationship another shot. So I gave up the best job I’ve ever had and moved into a small apartment with them both. It was a struggle, being in a city where I only had a few friends. But I connected with them, to take the pressure of of my wife. It didn’t matter though, she was still up to the same tricks and told me to move out two months after I moved in. She had no interest in going to a counsellor or getting any support. Instead she hooked up with her boyfriend from highschool on facebook. They met up and were having a sexual relationship during one month that I was living with her.

    I have never had an alcohol issue, rarely did I have a toke back then either. I only wanted my family to work and gave up so much for that.

    My ex has a degree in psychology, so does her sister, and her mom. Her dad has a Masters in social work and he is the director of a recovery home for alcohol and drug abuse… the irony is all over the place. Her father was abusive and a raging alcoholic 26 years ago, now a recovering alcoholic.

    Now, she wants to take my daughter back to the city we came from. 5 years later…. I have a relationship in this town now. She has worked hard she says, getting rid of the demons that chased her. She seems from a distance to be a good mother. Our 50/50 arrangement has changed a bit. She talks to my daughter and tells her that she can tell me (her dad) that she wants to stay at her mom’s place more often. That she is more comfortable there…

    The point is I guess… that my story appears to be the complete opposite. My ex (the mom) cheated twice, both times we were in a relationship. She abused drugs and alcohol, she left our daughter with sitters and I was falling apart begging for more time with my kid.

    Life is always what you think it will be…

  7. I am a dad to a gorgeous little 16 month old girl and my greatest concern is that she will resent me for not being in her life full time, me and her mum split up on good terms and I give all my time up possible to see my little girl, I am worried that when she gets to a age where she can understand she will choose not to see me. Especially if my ex meets a new partner, I’m scared she will think that this is all she needs and she doesn’t need another dad she has to see a few times a week. I am concerned that this will have a massive effect on her life like your saying through these posts, I will always be in her life, not as much as I want to be, is this enough to stop things like this effecting her life?

    • There is a special bond between a girl and her biological father. My cousin hadn’t met her father until she was maybe 16. My aunt didn’t tell her that her step father wasn’t her real father until she was around 10. It’s a very big deal for young girls. That instant feeling of rejection and want to get to know and meet their real father is intense. I was 11 when my father left. My mom moved to Iowa to live with her boyfriend and my dad, after some time and a custody battle with my mom, decided to stop answering my phone calls. One of the last conversations I had with him was him telling me that my step father was my new daddy now. He was so jealous before that and seamed like he was losing his mind, even to my young 11 year old self. I also felt like I was losing my mind when he wouldn’t answer my calls. For years I would go on random calling sprees, calling him at least 100 times in a night while sobbing. My step father forced me to call him Papa. My mother had my middle and last name changed. The last being my step fathers and the middle being a variation of his grandmother’s. I still miss my old name to this day. My father named an entire culdesac after my middle name. Most of my childhood memories are with my father. My mother didn’t do the best job of homeschooling me so my dad and I would just play all day. He even let his job slip because he enjoyed being with my brother and I so much and that was one of the main reasons that led to my parents divorce. I’ve been chasing a man ever since. It was almost immediate, actually. My main point is that the step father doesn’t mean as much. I’ve tried to believe otherwise, trust me. But if you involve yourself at all in your child’s life or even if they find out about you one day in the future you’re going to matter to them.

  8. I must share the importance of the fact that a father can be present in a home on a daily basis in a long term marriage and be even MORE distant and thereby, destructive, to his daughter’s psyche and develpoment and self-assuredness than these absent divorced fathers that you speak of. Physical presence does not equate with benefit. For 19 years of marriage (what most people would call the opposite of what they would now, post-divorce call a “broken home”) my husband either ignored or belittled my daughter. I think the essence and message of this article has little to do with divorce and more to do with human relationship, respect, and connection. Divorce was the healthiest thing I did for myself and my children. It was a mindful, safe, and loving decision and it moved us in growth away from someone that was physically present (by name and address and legal doctrine) but who caused great caverns in my daughters heart.

  9. My husband has abandon me and the kids for the the past 8months now, and refuse to come back because he was hold on by a woman whom he just met, for that, my self and the kids has been suffering and it has been heel of a struggle, but i decide to do all means to make sure that my family come together as it use to, then i went online there i saw so many good talk about this spell caster whose email is [email protected] so i had to contact him and in just 4days as he has promised, my husband came home and his behavior was back to the man i got married to.

  10. This article express all my thoughts and now I will able to talk about it to my Dr? Maybe I can get some help. I’m 30 now and still affected by dad leaving home. My mother remarried shortly after and ny step dad though financially sound and could provide all what I need , he did not know what love is and always threatened to throw me out of his house if I ever disobeyed him.

    This made me marry early at 24 to leave home with a man 8 yrs older and after several explanation what my life has been he care less and doesn’t even listen to my troubles and it pains me more than before. I know my life will be better without him but also scared that my baby will experience the same thing I did when I was child- no daddy- cos he loves her.

    Where did some of u who sought help go? I’m dying and need help!

  11. Why is it that most other power conference commissioners seem to say things of substance and Bowlsby says nothing? We would like a championship game but we wouldn’t. We are discussion expansion but don’t want to. We are stable but we are discussing scheduling alliances to fend off further expansion. Obviously speaking in absolutes isn’t possible with these topics, but c’mon…..say something or say nothing, not both.

  12. I can remember watching clips of the 1974 Lions tour and wondering why the Lions had so much support. It was from the non-white part of the ground.

  13. how does everything end with a sexual relationship? for one reason im living a life without that and my father rarely showed that he love me

  14. My mom and dad divorced when I was 3- I have 3 siblings. My dad cheated on my mother with his first wife and they married until my stepmother passed away in February of this year. My dad had visitation every other Sunday but visits ended we all turned 15 or 16. And for 35 years I would only hear from my dad, twice a year; not on a holiday but around it and around a birthday and/or a wedding. So now I’m 54 and I’d say I’m talked with my dad 80 times in the last 35 years. Now that his wife, my step mother has passed it is now, finally that he is calling me, my sister or my brother because he’s lonely or needs to talk. I am so bitter; my brother says he’s in it for the money; my dad is well off financially; my dad is 86 and I have no tolerance for his sadness; he chose his life–now he wants his children around him???? Doesn’t he understand what he did and believe me I have told him and he did admit that he was not a good father but I cannot get back the pain or hurt.

  15. Well hello… I have never done this before but I’ve got a lot I need to get off of my chest.
    Alright my “dad” left when I was 5, almost 6. Both my parents were into the drug game at this time. They were on methamphetamine really bad. Quite honestly, my mother is a tall heavy set woman with a loud mouth. She says what she wants where she wants when she wants and how she wants to say it no matter how vulgar. The most emarrassing thing in the world. Because vise versa, my father was extremely quiet. He was depressed slot. Not only was he a meth head, he was an alcoholic. But not the kind that beats on their kids. He may have put his hands on my mom, but after how she beat the he’ll out of me my whole life she deserved it. So my dad bounced, got married to my mom’s now EX best friend. She already had four daughters of her own. Ya know how people call step moms evil step witches? She was Satan’s girlfriend. Made my dad believe I wasnt his. She had 3 maternity tests done. I’m his alright. Did I mention my dad literally lives 2.7 miles down the road from me and never made an effort. So a firey pit hate began to grow in my stomach at the though of him. My mother used me as a drug mule from age 6 until I turned 18. Made me put the dope in my underwear or bra. Reminding as I left If I get caught it was mine not here. Oh by the way she already been to prison afte this point. My dad signed me over willingly to my grandparents. Moms parents. Grandpa is emotionally verbally and physically abusive. I never was able to over come my fear of him or mom until this past June. When mom put her hands on me the last time. I fought back. And beat her too I couldn’t no more. Still to this day everyday I fret hit in the face for nothing Nkomo became a nasty hoe too. Been with every colored man in town after my dad. I watched thousands of men come in and out of my house my whole life. They say when you grow up poor you grow up quick. Well mom made me serve her and her men every night. Even at age 6. Locked me in my room with a dead bolt. Made me ride in vehicles with herbwhile she tried to run my dad over. A few of her exa molested and raped me. The last and current one hit me once, but I’ve grown to realize I don’t take nothing from a man. I fought back. But whenever mom,or grandpa put me down with words over my dad. It cuts like a knife nap I grab my knife and cut. Every other day I’m kicked out in the snow sleeping on benches. Sometimes I can’t even sleep it’s sold. I have nothing and no one. Ever man I give a chance I fall too deep in love and they play me like a fiddle everytime. I just want my dad. Before I lose my mind and try to take my own life while saying ya’ll.

  16. Well, I feared the day of divorce and it happened. I have three little girls all of who love their Dad very much. They are nkw 10, 7 and 6. I see them every other weekend. The family court system and the ex wife are jokes. Kicked out of my own home with no job things looked pretty bad. I had to survive off of my IRA and i landed a job as a maintenance man…formerly I worked in IT but it has been years since the day I lost my job and never recovered to IT because of the great recession. Every other weekend visits have been tough on me as well as the kids. My 10 year old is as clingy as ever and every time we get together she isolates herself into my apartment bedroom. She doesnt want to leave at the end of our visit nkr does my yougest. It is so sad for these kids. My ex wife is nuts for sure as we never dealt with violence or any type of abuse during ten years of marriage. Just job loss and me having trouble coping with depression from jobloss. Now i worry about my girls. My ex wife and i have no contact with each other at all and probably is the best for me. She is highly manipulative and arrogant as she comes from a wealthy family. Her dad is nuts as well as he had my youngest daughter on his lap one day and he asked her, “Do you want your grandfather to be your Daddy?” This is why I have concerns. This man is extremely lucky that I had depression at the time. I just hope that I can regain a better financial footprint in life over the next several years for I feel my kids may want to move in with Dad. I dint need my children in that situation for it seems to be quite unhealthy as my ex wife sucked the life out of me. I am still recoveri g and seem to be getting better. My girls deserve a healthy Dad.

  17. I’m the product of a broken home and in my experience having a father around isn’t very important. I’m a biracial woman who lived with mom for the first 9 years of my life. Its important you know my race. Drama transpired. The courts decided I would be better off with my father because he was good on paper. Any way I was carted off to my dad (different city) because he got full custody and it was just him and I.Goody. From the outside looking in you’d think WOW WHAT A WONDERFUL BLACK FATHER BRINGING UP HIS DAUGHTER ALL BY HIMSELF. Inside was constant control and terror, as if I hadn’t suffered enough. He lacked warmth and compassion and nothing was ever good enough. I was terrified to let the feminine side of myself come out because of his constant bitching about women. If he hated certain foods I couldn’t eat it it was bad enough my mother neglected to feed me but now here comes the boom. I developed an eating disorder. I cant express everything that is wrong with a daughter growing up with a father alone. I can tell you its intimidating I constantly wished to have a mother figure. People who knew me were jealous of my “relationship” with my dad but let me tell you the constant pangs in my heart for a mother was so deep. My heart yearned for a mother any mother. I would watch shows like golden girls and fantasize about being related to them. I used both positive and negative famous females to be my role models I was so often confused about many things about myself and hiding it from the world.

    Im talking to those cases that receive endless and pointless abuse that comes from both parents and in my case its mostly my father to blame.
    As I grew he started to isolate me from close friends and family. As I grew he’d tear me down more. Thankfully today I have overcome many of problems, disorders and crisis I still have work to do and I’m proud to say that from all that abuse I have walked away with scars but love remembered me and lives in my heart.

  18. I really don’t know what should i do. I want a father, i really do. My mom loves me a lot n i love her too but its not enough. No one can really understand this. My dad hates me i don’t why. I am 24 now but my behaviour is different from other people, he tried to kill us twice. He is emotionless , he never answers my call. I left home when i was 18. And i never regret it. But i really need a father. He never used to appreciate me. He used to insult me in front of his friends family and everyone. He used to punish me and my brother for no reason. I dnt knw wot his problem is. But i want to know, my kom and brother never understands me, they do but they don’t know that these things have affected me. Very badly. I dnt want to die.. I am a very strong woman but sometimes when these things bother i just want to sleep, i dnt want to think abt all this..why the hell is it taking so kuch time. Why i can’t just let it go. Everyone teases me at office that i am always lost. I dnt knw wt to do. I have always dated men who are older than me and its really weird. I dnt want to be like this.
    I still cry like a baby i mean what the hell, how can a 24 yrs old cry like that. Mom n bro have never supported me emotionally. But they really love me. I dnt knw wt shud i do. I just want to be alone for my whole life.

  19. I left home wid my mom wen i was 18. We were feeling very unsafe at that place, and he refused to pay for my college and everything. He had tortured us emotionally and physically. He used to punish me and my brother for no reason. He even tried to kill us twice. He never missed any chance to insult us in front of his friends and family or anyone. My mom was a TB patient and we were not even allowed to go the hospital to see her. I love my mom. I tried to study hard so that i can make him happy but he is never happy no matter wtever u do for him.
    How can anyone be like this. He never answers my call. He still says bad things about me and my mom and i was so innocent, how can he just say all these things abt us. I dnt want to die, becoz i knw its wrong but sometimes when these things comes into my mind, i just wnt to sleep. I cried like a baby today. Even i was surprised. I am 24 now and this scares me. I have to face so many things everyday. Everyone just makes fun of me, they say that i am always lost. I dnt want to behave like a kid. I dnt knw wt shud i do. Iam very emotional, is it wrong. I knw wt is right and wt is wrong but sometimes its hard for u to make yourself understand these things. I knw that i shud accept a life like this but i just can’t.
    Neways i will be fine i dnt how much time it is going to take but i will make myself understand. Just wanted to share all these things. Thank you everyone.

  20. Obviously, it’s never the woman’s fault is it!

  21. I’m a divorced dad for 8 years my daughter has lived with me on vacations holidays and weekends as that’s what her mom wanted. Today at 17 years old my daughter has turned into a self entitled child woman and left to live with her mom full time. Mom buys beer for her teen parties…no co parenting there.
    I so missed my daughter at Christmas.
    Wish I could be free of the past closeness with my daughter. The pain of losing her to an awful X – not seeing her go to prom and the last year and 1/2 of her high school years is very painful to live.

  22. My parents recently got divorced and my father has made little to no effort to contact me or my brother since the separation. I am in college and have always had a very close relationship with my dad. The fact that he can just walk out and completely dismiss us from his life hurts me. I was his daddy’s little girl, and it seems as though I mean nothing to him. I feel as though I am just apart of the life he once lived; I am just apart of his past. I miss him so much and it pains me to acknowledge the fact that he doesn’t miss me half as much. I want to rebel or tell him my true feelings, yet when I do see him, I only force a cheesy grin to conceal my true emotions. My dad has always been my motivation despite not being there a lot for me growing up. I wanted him to be proud of me, but it is clear that I will never be good enough. My brother was a mommy’s boy, and I desperately tried to maintain that same relationship with my father. He was my protector, and now that he’s gone I have never felt more vulnerable. My brother and my mom will always have their bond, but the one between my father and I is gone. I feel alone and abandoned.

  23. I find it interesting that a lot of these comments that contradict one another are based on personal experiences. Yes, our experiences help us understand our perspective, but we must recognize that we do not hold an objective truth. All of these comments are correct, except the ones that claim their experience to be applicable in all cases. That’s what I think this article does. It generalizes the relationship between a girl and her father, which simply cannot be done. What is the father is a negative, abusive presence? Should they really stay around then? No, of course not. So we should stop looking to broad generalizations because there are most certainly cases where fathers should stay and cases where they should leave.

Comments: 1 2 3 4


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