5 thoughts on “Getting Through Family Pain

  • October 1, 2009 at 2:59 pm

    Wow!! Thank you for this article. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. He tends to keep to himself and I haven’t understood why. He must have a lot of pain inside. Since he’s been with me, he doesn’t reach out to his friends and family. Is he more depressed? or does he feel safer with me? He said once he only feels good about himself when he is with me.

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  • December 31, 2009 at 1:58 am

    In recent years I have had to acknowledge I lived in an emotionally chaotic home. There was love, a great deal of love, but there was a lot of hate that was justified because of right and wrong.

    Lately, I have had to remove my self from extended family gahterings. It hurts me but my marriage is stronger. The relationship with my own children is stronger. My dad has cancer and it is horrible for me not to be around when every other family member made the effort to be there. But that is the part that I can celebrate with a bitter sweet celebration. I am making great strides for me, my husband and my children. My father is suffering both physically and emotionally. I am deeply wounded be that. My Dad is almost everything to me. God and my husband come first, but when you had a Dad that showed you the right way to live and worked hard for your dreams it is hard not to be near when he needs love most.

    I am hoping for some kind of compromise but I can’t seem to find one where I will be able to establish boudnaries and keep them while I am with my extended family. Therefore, my kids and I will not be able to see my Dad unless no one else is there. That stinks.

    The upside? I am better. My husband is happier and my kids and I played ping pong. They loved laughing at their mother miss the ball!
    I hope I can be of some help to someone that is going through a similar situation.

    Sandra

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  • April 4, 2010 at 9:18 am

    Goodness, someone knows the pain. My mum left my father when I was 18 months old. She was pregnant, lonely, tired and bitter. It sounds stupid, but I was a carer from then on in. She vented, told me he was useless (yes, he was having an affair – she was justifiably angry) But the bitterness, the seeping cancer that pervaded our lives. then a stepfather who wanted to make me cry – I never did, no matter what. And believe me he did EVERYTHING but I would never let my mum see – she had been through to much. Was too remote and shell shocked. Guess what, she grew to love this monster and hate me for criticising/exposing him. Now I am the bad person and my family can’t cope. I am 49 years of age and have coped with my past for too long. I love my mum but I dont understand her. Compassion – I would never reject my son, no matter what he did but why does your family not have the same values.

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  • September 8, 2010 at 8:46 am

    I lost my beloved husband of 38 years on Thanksgiving Day 2008. I have 3 sons, 37, 35,29. I know they love their father very much but they will not talk to me about him. I live an hour and a half away from them and the first year without my husband was unbearable. I know boys can be close-mouthed but it just hurt me beyond belief to not be able to talk to the people that were the “closest” to me. Christmas of 2008 they didn’t even call me to be with them but were accidentally forced to deal with me because I had a nervous breakdown and my sister-in-law, who was staying with me, summoned them to the house.
    It’ll be 2 years this Thanksgiving that the love of my life has gone, but I’ve come to the realization that I will have to deal with this myself. It’s just been terribly disappointing to accept this fact.

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  • November 12, 2012 at 8:13 pm

    I used to be extremely positive. Now with continuous serious health issues and family that doesn’t seem to care..I am becoming very bitter. How do you not let it get to you when you have to face the people that cause your pain every day? I let my only two living family members pressure me into something that deep down I knew was wrong for me. It is done, and now I see no way back. I am so hurt and so bitter at the same time. I have lost my healthcare because my family didn’t care enough. I think I could be less bitter if there had been an apology and concern. I am thinking about trying to disappear from my family and finding my way back to florida and becoming homeless. I know that sounds terrible, but I don’t think I can live with this pain anymore. I am not a teenager running away. I am a 47 yr old woman that is dealing with tremendous pain.

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