Comments on
Family Conflict Power Struggles


Families are much like tiny nations.  They each have a financial structure, social structure, and a power structure.  Unfortunately, the younger members of these “family nations” tend to make a run for power on a regular basis. 

9 thoughts on “Family Conflict Power Struggles

  • January 19, 2010 at 2:10 pm

    As a mother of 5 children, two stepsons (now adult early 20’s but still get into trouble with a power struggle at times) and 3 teenagers 2 boys and 1 girl I can say each child is so vastly different and sometimes rules vary depending on the child and their maturity and respect for authority.

    Some kids want to break free and explore the world so fast and to early this leaves parents needing to make the rules a bit more stringent to keep that child from getting themselves into trouble. Some kids are more introverted and respect rules and authority in a higher degree so you can with caution allow them a little extra breathing room, but for the most part a definite set of rules in the house for all, even the parents must be continually enforced. Parents do have to remember to set by example so if one of the rules is not swearing in the house, parents must also abide or you get the monkey see monkey do effect, but in turn that saying also goes with the good examples a parent will set by obeying their own rules set upon the household.

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  • January 19, 2010 at 2:56 pm

    Amanda,

    Yep, all those factors do make a difference. I have one who doesn’t need a lot of pressure to follow the rules most of the time. The other two, I think they enjoy exercising their independence and free will a whole lot -regardless of the rules! But yes, some standards do need to be the same. Ultimately, they all need to see you as the authority figure so they have a foundation.

    Thanks for writing in.

    Th

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  • January 20, 2010 at 10:13 am

    In my case the power struggle was resolved so badly that now that they are old enough to have children of their own the rift is still causing undue amount a tension. No matter what happens I have to go back to the old system of loosing my temper and call a spade a spade at the top of my voice, become aggressive even, or else let them get on with putting me down to their hearts content and end up in tears. That’s obviously how important all this is.

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  • January 20, 2010 at 12:16 pm

    This is a good article, albeit rather abbreviated.

    However, there is a HUGE factor to be considered, and that is Childrens Protective Services.

    Child Protective Services (CPS) has well assured ALL KIDS that they can go to hell in a hand-basket and CPS will grease the skids to help them get there.

    Parents are Sabotaged at every turn.

    ALL KIDS have been “educated” up the yahooie in GOVERNMENT SKULE about good touch-bad touch. They are PERFECTLY AWARE that they can turn ANYBODY in to CPS at ANY TIME for ANY REASON, and “We believe the child. Children don’t lie” CPS doesn’t ask questions. CPS blindly DESTROYS whoever the complaint was made against.

    It’s today’s kids’ #1 THREAT and the FIRST THING THEY THINK OF.

    ALL parents are at risk, and it behooves us to know ahead of time what CPS is, and how to answer a CPS agent’s questions and THREATS before she brings the allegation to YOUR front door.

    CPS agents are America’s domestic terrorists. CPS agents are often nothing more than spoiled rotten brats themselves, sociopathic, and DANGEROUS.

    “Better be wise by the misfortunes of others than by your own.” –Aesop (c. 550 B.C

    Leonard Henderson, co-founder
    American Family Rights Association
    http://familyrights.us
    “Until Every Child Comes Home” ©
    “The Voice of America’s Families” ©

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  • January 20, 2010 at 1:16 pm

    That must be a new thing. In my youth – which was only about 20 years ago – CPS wouldn’t do anything unless sexual abuse or abuse of babies or toddlers was involved. There was a girl at my high school who was beaten by her mother to the point of injury repeatedly, coming to school barely able to walk and with black eyes and bone fractures, and CPS only came to the school once. Said there was really nothing they could do except refer the family to a counselor… which would obviously put her in even greater danger since the perp would know that someone ratted her out, without removing her daughter from the situation.

    The analogy of a family to a small country is a good one, but the article fails to mention that power needs balance – too little authority is bad, but being a tyrant is no better. Sometimes power struggles are because the rules are so restrictive and suffocating that the child is always being severely punished for something, even if all s/he did was accidentally drop a dish or get a B on a report card. Then s/he has nothing to lose by acting out; s/he’s going to “do the time” no matter what, so why not do the crime too?

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  • January 20, 2010 at 5:02 pm

    RC –

    True and good point. An issue like this is actually much more complex than it might seem at first. Rebellion against rules that are unreasonable would make sense to someone who understands the dynamics. It would be an attempt at rebalancing the power to a more manageable level.

    Thanks for adding that insight.

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  • September 18, 2010 at 3:21 pm

    GO TO HELL CPS AND FAMILY DESTRUCTION COURT. YOU RUINED OUR FAMILY ON THE WORD OF 1 PERSON. I CANT WAIT TILL GOD THROWS YOU INTO THE FLAMES OF HELL. WHERE YOU WILL LITERALLY BURN FOREVER. AND BE TOTALLY ISOLATED FROM YOUR LOVED ONES AND ALL HUMAN CONTACT FORVER. SO I HOPE RUINING MY FAMILY AND MANY OTHER FAMILIES WAS WORTH YOUR ETERNAL DOOM!!! YOU IDIOTS!!

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  • December 29, 2010 at 12:41 am

    Family conflicts is a major issue on this planet. Just look at all the people in therapy! Unfortunately, parents are so busy that no one has the time to address conflict in a more calm, loving, and centered way. There is a great article about it here http://teensupport.com/raising-teenagers/arguing-with-teenagers-and-creating-family-conflict/ I think if families just accepted the fact that family conflict is going to be happening and to commit to putting the time in to resolve it, this could have a major impact.

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  • May 20, 2012 at 7:18 pm

    If you decide to breed, if you decide to have children, GET READY TO RELINQUISH SOME POWER. It is your duty to pass on your power to your children, therefore EMPOWERING them. GET OVER IT STUPID PARENT TYPES. That is how it works. You talk about it like it isn’t so obvious. You have power over your children AND THEN YOU GET OLD AND THEY DOMINATE YOU. That’s why your ass is in a home and they are not. Did that not occur to you? If you were smart you would share power with your children and show them what having that power means, show them what living in this world means. But you are NOT SMART, and you read articles like this one. FAIL!

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