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Improve Your Marriage – Mimicking Speaking Style

I firmly believe that one of the best ways to care for your family is to make your marital relationship better.  This improves the overall level of stability and satisfaction for the parents and the kids.  In that vein, I found a really cool article discussing the way couples speak to each other.

Communication isn’t just saying words back and forth with each other.  There’s a whole lot of non-verbal stuff going on to support the words you say.  Think back to when you and your spouse were in the earlier days of dating or even marriage.  You probably behaved and spoke a little differently when they were around you.  Part of what you were doing is called style matching.

Copying Talking Styles From The Start

According to an expert in the article, people often start copying each other’s styles of talking from the beginning of their conversation.  Think about it – you probably have a unique way of talking to each of your parents, your best friend, your kids, and even coworkers.  So when either one of you begins talking, your style matching connects you right away.

When you match your spouses style of talking (or vice versa), it makes you feel closer and more in tune.  You may not be aware that you are doing it.  But when you are having a happier time in your marriage, you do it more.

More Questions About Couples Communication

The article doesn’t answer a question I have.  If you are having a rougher period, does purposeful style matching smooth things out somewhat?  I don’t know the answer to that, but I can’t imagine it would hurt to try.  You’re paying closer attention to the way your spouse communicates to you and mirroring it back.

Try it – pay a little more attention to the way you speak to your spouse today. Whether you are happier or having more difficulty now, take a closer look at what you do.  You might find something surprising about your marriage!

Creative Commons License photo credit: R_x – renee barron

Improve Your Marriage – Mimicking Speaking Style

Erika Krull, MS, LMHP

Erika Krull, MS, LMHP is a practicing licensed mental health counselor in Nebraska.

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APA Reference
Krull, E. (2010). Improve Your Marriage – Mimicking Speaking Style. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 22, 2020, from


Last updated: 8 Oct 2010
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