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When You Fear You Don’t Fit

homework photo Reinforcement is a term used in operant conditioning to refer to anything that increases the likelihood that a response will occur.  If every time you stay home on Sunday night your child performs better on the tests on Monday,

One thought on “When You Fear You Don’t Fit

  • May 28, 2017 at 8:30 am

    Hi Karyn,

    I have read quite a number of your comments and a lot of what is said has resonated with me as I am aware I am an ’emotionally sensitive’ person.

    This comment ‘When you Fear you don’t fit in’ is definitely a MAJOR issue I have/and am still struggling with at 51 years old.

    I can remember this feeling and it’s negative effects on how I feel about myself right back to 6/7 years of age. I never felt I had friends, spent very difficult times alone in the playground and was ostricized at home when I would ‘over-react’ to my siblings unkindness, bullying, aggravating, insensitive behaviour. I always got the blame for my reaction – ‘stop being a baby’, ‘you’re so sensitive’, ‘you gonna cry again ?’. My parents never really tackled it and my sister never stuck up for me against my brother who was the main perpetrator.

    This feeling of ‘not fitting in’ continued to junior, senior and even as a student at Drama School in London. The amount of times I have been alone, rejected and just ignored is too many times to number and extremely painful. I spent the whole of year 2 in senior school totally alone, no friends -going home at lunchtime for solace.

    As a student I was with a group of what I thought were my friends during my first year, they attended my 21st Birthday celebrations travelling to my hometown and we lived in a house together in London. I came back after the summer break to find out that I was completely alone, no one to live with, the girl I was ‘friends’ with had decided to live with two other girls, just a bit of a shock as I believed we were ‘friends’.

    Within my own family I always had to be giving to others, co-towing to their needs, particularly my brothers wife who could be as dismissive or insensitive to me as she liked. As long as I was behaving correctly (which many times I didn’t due to the feelings of sheer frustration) I was ‘accepted’- I learned that ‘me’ was irrelevant, unworthy and all the horrendous self depricating feelings that go with not having any recognition.

    This has continued into adulthood and any friendships I have tried to strike up along the way have gone wrong (always my fault)!

    I do look at myself, but to be honest I think this has been the problem, I take TOO MUCH RESPONSIBILITY !!

    I am now trying to address my emotions and the choices I make as to how they affect my life/day. I want to be comfortable to be who I am and not constantly people pleasing – this has got me absolutely nowhere – the opposite tbh – it has allowed people to walk all over me and as I am now physically and mentally unwell I have to evaluate my thoughts and change the way I see and deal with others that ends up only hurting ME.

    Just wanted to be heard as never put this down before !

    Here’s to being ME (with some work involved) !!



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