Comments on
The Three Factors of Loneliness


Feeling lonely has little to do with how many friends you have. It’s the way you feel inside. Some people who feel lonely may rarely interact with people and others are surrounded by people, but don’t feel connected. 

In general, those who feel lonely actually spend no more time alone than do those who feel more connected.

Three Factors Of Loneliness

According to Cicioppo and Patrick (2008) how lonely people feel seems to be a combination of three factors. The first is Level of Vulnerability to Social Disconnection.

Each individual has a general genetically set need for social inclusion and your level of need will be different from someone else’s. If your need for connections is high, it may be difficult to meet.

78 thoughts on “The Three Factors of Loneliness

  • July 16, 2012 at 10:07 am

    I have habit (I don’t know if it is good or bad) where I see a person one way in my head and they aren’t like that in reality. I think in some way it’s a let down. I also think that my brain might think that it makes them unreliable. I’m not sure what to do with that.

    Reply
    • July 20, 2012 at 7:32 am

      Becky, When someone has expectations and those expectations aren’t met, it’s normal to feel let down. Maybe you could practice not having expectations? It would be a form of mindfulness, to just accept what is true in the moment. It might be that your expectations are related to needing something from others and when they don’t come through that is disappointing. In that case it might help to work on creating many different way to meet those needs for yourself, if possible.

      Reply
  • August 14, 2012 at 7:12 pm

    I woke up feeling lonly today and there have been many days just like it, I’m 32 years old and I’ve been alone most of my life. My childhood was tramatic and I grew up watching others gravitate to things that weren’t good habits or thoughts to combat lonliness. I still struggle with isolation even to the point where there can be meaningful relationships in my life such as co-workers and I find myself very arguementative,and lash out alot but then I feel terrible. I learned that I was doing the right thing by reaching out. I’ve started sharing encouraging cards with my co-workers and I even sign I love you on them. I’m trying so thanks for the help.

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  • October 29, 2012 at 2:15 am

    Thank you for this article. I don’t feel so strange for being alone most of the time. It seems easier but I fear growing old alone. What’s scarier is I can’t imagine ever, ever finding someone to spend my life with that doesn’t make me want to shrink away in fear..I was married 12 yrs and now single 12. I am doomed to be alone and my alone brain knows it.

    Reply
    • October 29, 2012 at 6:21 pm

      Julie, I am so sorry that you are suffering with loneliness and fear. I sincerely hope you will reach out, perhaps to a support group, and take a chance on connecting with a friend. There is help on PsychCentral and support groups online. Maybe talking with someone online would be a step?

      Reply
  • November 5, 2012 at 6:43 am

    I struggle with loneliness almost daily. I never seem to have many friends and there always seems to be groups of friends around me that don’t want to include me. It is very painful. I try but I give up often. I do have some friends and I just have to concentrate on them. I have also had some very damaging friendships and I think that has made me very scared and very prone to isolation. I long to connect and be at ease with people but I worry I will always struggle with feeling alone. I am 38.

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    • November 5, 2012 at 3:14 pm

      I like your thought about focusing on the friends that you do have. Close friendships are not easy to come by and in my experience most people don’t have many truly close friends. It sounds like, though I can’t be sure, that some of the pain you feel is about seeing yourself as not fitting in or belonging or being accepted by others. Sometimes that is about not accepting ourselves. You might consider reading Brene Brown’s work on vulnerability and shame or Kristin Neff’s work on self-acceptance. I wish you the very best.

      Reply
  • November 15, 2012 at 4:40 am

    Loneliness has been my only friend since I have known for myself. I’ve felt and I was an outsider for my whole life. My early school days are like a nightmare which I am going through all over again. Just remembering that I had to go there every day and put up with insults, beating, makes me feel pain in my stomach and a sense of unbearable fear. When I look into my past I see a series of failures and rejections by other people, and I feel like the future brings the same. I feel like I will always stay this way. I have learned to hide my real self from others and I try hard to make it look in front of others as if I am ‘normal’ but I know that people feel my ‘negative energy’ and would never choose me as a friend. When I started college I was optimistic and full of hopes but soon I found it unbearable to sit among other students. I couldn’t stand it being surrounded by so many people; I get a feeling as if they would attack me or hurt me. Because of this my focus and concentration is very low during the class – I hear words coming out of the professor’s mouth but I don’t ‘register’ anything, I just shut down. When I get out of ‘crisis’ I start feeling optimistic and I make a list of goals I want to achieve, I start going to classes more regularly and studying, I start jogging but after a while the old ‘me’ just comes back. I feel like being in a labirint, I just can’t seem to find the way out of this state of mind.

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    • November 15, 2012 at 9:10 am

      My heart goes out to you. What pain you must feel. Based on what you described, I strongly believe that this can change for you. I hope you will consider finding a therapist who could help you overcome the experiences you had when you were younger.

      Reply
    • November 5, 2013 at 10:20 pm

      Dear Anabelle, You said how I feel to the letter. It hurts so bad looking at a past fraught with rejection, failure and pain. I remember being in grade school and sitting alone crying because I felt so alone and empty inside. Little did I know 45 years later that same stabbing pain would still be making me cry. The pain and humilation I feel sitting amist others who I’ve tried everything including giving them things and making it known I want to be included and STILL being left out, ignored, excluded. It this point I almost feel like I’m going insane from this overwhelming pain. Thank you for your post. I appreciate how very well you spoke my mind for me. I sincerely hope you find companionship , comfort and peace.

      Reply
    • June 19, 2014 at 9:43 pm

      Imagine returning home, from work/school, only to realize you have lost every thing and everyone you ever loved due to war and bombs. No food, No shelter, No proper clothing to keep you warm. You start walking to find help. No time to grief 🙁 You arrive to the nearest town asking everyone to give you a job to buy food. No one is hiring, because million other refugees who lost everything too have taken all the low-labor jobs. Then you come across an organ dealer. You sell your kidney or your eye cornea to earn some money to survive the suffering. Yes my dear, there are always worst circumstances than ours. Enjoy the loneliness, as I do!

      Reply
  • January 23, 2013 at 1:39 am

    The last few years haven’t been very good for me
    I’ve lost all my confidence
    I’ve gone been going through a divorce
    I’m going to school and jobs that haven’t worked out
    There’s been some bad men
    in my life
    I’m really having a lot of trouble finding hope and confidence to try and go out and start a new life and do anything new

    Reply
    • January 24, 2013 at 9:10 am

      I am so sorry that you’ve had a rough few years. That’s a long time to have such stress and pain. Maybe focus on making some good friends and really think about the kind of romantic relationship you want and what tye of person that would be. Many times we have to create the good times in life, work at making them happen or really focus on what is good because troubles can overwhelm us. Focus on making wise decisions each day that will take you closer to your goals. My guess is that deep inside you know what you need to do to get closer to the life you want to have. Maybe you are tired right now and discouraged. That is normal when you are solving problems or building the foundation for what you want. It’s often the way people feel when they are getting close to a resolution or change. That is normal and look for people who will support you and help you reenergize.

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      • March 5, 2014 at 1:52 pm

        “Maybe focus on making some good friends and really think about the kind of romantic relationship you want and what tye of person that would be.” doesn’t help the introverts here, those who have had trouble their whole lives when it comes to other people. i was called an ‘extroverted introvert’ (really only an extrovert w/the help of alcohol, which obviously can turn into a hindrance). it just seems there is NO answer for many of us, & our whole lives will be spent as empty as they always have been. sure, there might be interruptions, when we actually sort of feel like we’re living, but it’s easy to forget how horrible being alone was, & you can give up that other life (the not-alone one) if it gets too difficult, & then you find yourself right back where you didn’t want to be… forever.

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  • January 23, 2013 at 10:49 pm

    I have been feeling empty inside for a while now. I am 33. Mother of 3. I still don’t know who I am. Just recently my boyfriend and i broke up. I don’t know how to forget about him so it doesn’t consume my thoughts everyday. I need to move on and find a purpose in life for myself and my kids. I’m thinking about going to school for behavioral science and becoming a psychologist by the time I’m 40. I want to be successful and happy but I need to know who i am first. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

    Reply
    • January 24, 2013 at 9:01 am

      One of the first steps is to connect with the world. Find ways to lose yourself in activities or projects. Dance and lose yourself in the music. Play with your children and be fully present with them. Keep bringing your mind back to whatever you are doing. Acknowledge the loss and also focus on what you are grateful for in your life, what your own likes and dislikes are. Use mindfulness to stay in the moment and focus on what is.Grieving a loss is painful and it’s easy to only focus on what is lost and forget what you have in your life.

      Reply
  • March 17, 2013 at 7:29 pm

    I go to work, enjoy my day being amongst people, it takes away my lonliness pain. I smile and chat ime always friendly and people respond and chat back and say hello, and the people i talk to,when they see me again they say hello and they have a chat again. I feel good when i can help some body, even just in a small way. I hide my lonliness to the outside world. People would describe me as a confident friendly person. When i leave my workplace and come home, i enter my painfull world, its me being extremely uncomfortable with me. I would so like to learn to make this lonliness feeling go away.

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  • March 31, 2013 at 1:40 pm

    Thank you for this article, it is all so true! I am in total isolation and I think it is a reflex from when I was a child. We moved a lot, sometimes every six months. I used to make friends, but then I stopped because I realized it was so hard to say goodbye to people that I knew I would never see again. I think there’s also trust issues. I don’t feel I can rely on people, so I do everything by myself. I have reached out and asked people to do things with me or for me, but every time they let me down. That must be an indication that I expect too much. I am very generous and giving but I don’t feel appreciated or even recognized. I am BPD, all these feelings fall in line with that disease but I’ve not found a way to overcome. I’m doing DBT of sorts, but I have such trouble concentrating, it’s so hard for me to learn. So at 52 I just stay isolated. I have 2 cats that I love dearly, no children, family or friends that I interact with so my biggest fear is dying alone, or ending up in a Medicare nursing home with no say in my care.

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  • May 21, 2013 at 5:43 pm

    I definitly do not have any sort of self esteem issue, I’m not afraid of what people think of me or anything like that. In fact, I scored an 89 on the self esteem quiz on this website. But I have a really hard time connecting to other people, mostly because I think they’re not like me and can’t possibly understand me. Like my heart is the only real heart beating in the world, and other people aren’t real. Even if I told someone else everything about me, they wouldn’t understand, because they wouldn’t be able to empathize. I have a lot of friends I really genuinely like, but I still feel like they are not like me, and are not real. Help on getting over this appreciated.

    Reply
    • June 19, 2013 at 10:48 pm

      what you have described is how I feel often. I do have a few friends, but I feel like none of them really understand me or really think about me when I’m not around. I feel like I’m constantly trying to reach out to people and I don’t get this type of response is that I would like. I am in a relationship now, I feel like he doesn’t even get me totally. I often wonder if there is someone out there really understands me that I can connect with. I feel sometimes it is hard for me to express feelings and emotions and how much I care about a person, but it doesn’t always come out. I think sometimes people think I am cold and heartless, that I have a hard time ex pressing what I really feel.

      Reply
  • June 11, 2013 at 6:34 pm

    even tho i was married for about 10 years (once, long ago), the rest of my life has been pretty alone & lonely. i’ve gone thru periods of hanging around with different groups of people, having fun being lubricated by alcohol, but when i got older & moved away from where i knew people in general (just family is here w/a few scattered friends), the social thing was almost gone. i’ve tried, but i really can’t always be trying to be social with people. most people are too narrow or normal minded for me anyway – i like to look at things a little differently. i don’t feel it’ll ever be easy for me to find another romantic relationship, partially due to the fact that i’d only be interested in 2% of the population (people drive me nuts in general, & i would drive them nuts as well), & what portion of that population is available & in my area? i was treated very negatively as a kid & i learned to be that way toward others. i’ve tried being more positive, but constant rotten things happening doesn’t help. i basically just don’t try much anymore, or have much hope. i just carry on & live, day by day. i really don’t want anyone around all the time, since that would aggravate me to no end, but would like being alone not to be the life sentence it is..

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    • March 10, 2014 at 5:43 pm

      I am a 66 year old male. I am extremely well read, (started when I was about 5), extremely well informed, look and act quite younger than I really am, very intense , really sensitive, straight, artsy-fartsy, full of energy, have had a couple of quite long term “wives” in my life and more of shorter durations, (one to three years). I actually do have quite a number of aquaintences……and at least a couple or three real real friends (that live quite far away…all male that I have known for almost 50 years). I can literally blow even 20 somethings off the dance floor, still! I don’t go for 25,35,45…even 55 year old women though. No real class in that. I am a class act really, but without anywhere near the money that most would connect with that word. I really do not expect to ever ever really “be” with a “significant other” for the rest of my life. That lenghth could be quite a long time though considering life spans these days even if one such as myself who smokes too much and drinks too much may be doing my best to shorten my almost continual hell of real deep down lonliness. I try to keep optimistic but I am too aware of the real odds against such. I am sure that you, whoever you are, are in pretty well the same boat as I am in. I cannot give you any hope. I cannot give you any solace or you me. We are too aware of the reality of life that most people delusionally keep away. Wish I was one of them. But I am not. I feel for you brother…or sister….at least we are not alone in that. Have a nice day!

      Reply
  • July 12, 2013 at 12:38 am

    I’m 41. Single mom. Divorced 11yrs. Full time college student. This is the loneliest I’ve been in my life. I like school but I quit my job and moved to attend full time. No new friends but friends I left behind weren’t too good. My kid hates new city and is moving in w/my exH. I’ll be totally alone. Worst part is I developed infatuation on a guy who’s not interested in me. He gives mixed messages. I dwell but don’t interact w/him.

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  • July 16, 2013 at 6:20 pm

    In many ways, I enjoy solitude. As an introvert and a workaholic, so I am more comfortable when I’m by myself. However, the unfortunate side effect is that I am almost permanently lonely. Ever since the 5th grade, people began drifting away. No one wanted to hang out with me anymore. There was a period of time where I reached out and tried to make friends, but nothing really happened. My current friends are rather superficial. They never include me in their activities, and whenever I try to reach out, they reject me. I can honestly say I’ve tried everything that has been recommended from this article, but nothing has helped. I just wish I could be significant to somebody, but most of the time I feel that I could just go away, and nobody would really notice much, and what doesn’t help is that, time and time again, it’s been proven to be true. Most of the time I can deal with it, but whenever I want to do something like go to the movies, talk to somebody, or what not I have nobody to really turn to. Sometimes, I just want to share my happiness with someone.

    Reply
    • March 5, 2014 at 1:57 pm

      i sure understand that…
      i, when i was a kid, had friends (but there was always that critical thing going on in the background – due to the fact that i was raised in an extremely critical manner).

      it’s very easy to get stuck in the ‘alone’ thing & extremely difficult to get out of it. i’ve gotten to be more & more of a hermit as time has gone by. my winters (especially this one) have been spent mostly alone, except for visiting family members now & then. i don’t even care to go out & do things on the whole!

      during summers, i camp, but that is often an alone thing as well. i’m ok being alone – it’s just that it feels weird to always be SEEN as alone, like some freak from a sideshow. & yes, it would be nice to have people to share stuff with more often…

      Reply
  • August 4, 2013 at 2:20 pm

    I’ve had trouble making friends my entire life. I’ve tried reading articles on how to make friends, and now I feel very insecure when dealing with people I don’t know. People seem to like me, but not enough to want to hang out. I figure that I’m either doing too much or too little of something. When I was in school I thought I would find friends in college, wrong. Then I thought I would find friends when I started work, wrong. Then I thought I would find friends amongst the other moms when my son started school, wrong. Same thing when he started scouts. So now I’m 35 and I guess if I haven’t figured it out by now then I never will. I can usually keep myself busy and feel pretty content. What kills me are the times when I’m alone and I would like to hang/talk and there is no one. Those are the moments that hurt. How do I deal with this? How can I find the acceptance I need to just be happy with myself since I’ll obviously never have that person who I’m their first call when something exciting happens? I think what makes it so hard now is that my husband and I are nothing more than roommates anymore. Losing that companionship makes things even worse. They say to just be yourself but what happens when that isn’t good enough. When your interests don’t mesh with those of anybody that you know?

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  • September 15, 2013 at 7:03 pm

    I am 31 years old and I have been feeling lonely almost all my life. I never dated until my one and only boyfriend asked me to be his gf. We have been together for 12 years, but for the past 6 years, I have been feeling very lonely. He works in the night including weekends. I am usually alone at home with our puppies. They make me happy, but at the same token reminds me when the two of us would go out and about with them. I cry everyday. Mostly at night. I am emotionally attached to him. I feel as though I can not function on daily tasks without him being around (except when I’m at work for obvious reasons). Whenever we have argued, I feared for abandonment. I just don’t like being alone and feeling lonely. I must say that I am a very sensitive person.

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  • November 2, 2013 at 3:01 am

    I never knew there were so many that felt this way, I would just like to say I hope people end up getting the happiness they deserve.

    This is my first time ever checking on lonelyness just because I’m so embarrassed about it and would never admit it to anyone who asked.

    Sorry don’t have anything to offer I’m a lost soul lol, but I just hope for others and myself it all gets better.

    Good luck.

    Reply
  • December 12, 2013 at 7:06 pm

    I googled “why am I so lonely” and came up on this article. I’m in a 5 month relationship but very unhappy. I remind myself how lonely I was before I met my partner and think I’d rather be single and lonely than in a relationship and unhappy. But lately in my relationship I’ve been feeling very lonely when Im away from my partner, while my partner seems to like and appeciate the distance as her way of taking things slow and it being healthy for our relationship at this point. We don’t live together and we spend time together every other week due to our schedules. Overall I’m not a very social person. I go to work with a happy face and have many friends there and I’m also close to my family. Anyone would tell you I’m confident with an attractive personality and very easy going. Yet I’m so lonely about 80% of the time I’m alone. I have no reason to be which is why sometimes I think something is wrong with me. Its like I’m dependent on someone else to be happy. I wish I could just be happy by myself. Regardless of how much time apart from my partner. Reading the part where lonliness can result in getting into an unhappy/unhealthy relationship opened my eyes though because I feel that’s exactly what I did here.

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  • January 23, 2014 at 8:01 pm

    The one line that really helped me was “each person will feel upset when their need for companionship is not met.” That is what I have been feeling lately. I’ve been out of an 11-year relationship for two years. I’ve been saying that I’m ready to look for a mate, but I’m not really being that aggressive about it.

    I’m essentially an introvert, though I’m close to the handful of people in my life. My relationships are satisfying. But most of my relationships I conduct over the phone. I work and study alone, for the most part.

    I noticed that I seemed to be drawn to renting movies from RedBox, all of a sudden. I’m not a movie buff, but then I realized that it was a form of companionship for me. They provided me with a story that I could get involved in, and human (albeit pseudo) contact. They kind of became my form of socializing for awhile.

    Now I see that the need for companionship is real. I’m not alone in that. It’s a need I need to take into consideration, not just as an after thought. I heard a sermon once where the minister warned against letting yourself get too lonely, starved for love and/or hungry.

    I’ve been thinking about dating, but have been more focused on finding THE relationship I’m going to be in for the rest of my life. Focusing on the end has led me to limit my options. Now, I think I’ll consider dating as being a way, not just to find a mate, but to make friends.

    Will that ultimately curb my loneliness? Well, I don’t feel lonely that often. I just want to pay attention to make sure that I don’t start to create other problems for myself by ignoring my need for companionship.

    Thanks

    Reply
  • February 5, 2014 at 4:57 pm

    Hi, your article was disturbing to me because I did recognize various things. But in my case, it’s a little bit different. Simple contact with other people can’t quench what I want/need [I don’t know which it is]… I’m currently “healing” from a narcissistic relationship, which wasn’t the first, but I intend to be the last. This rejection thing, this validation, all the blame, all the shaming… it’s very difficult to make a synopsis of my kind of loneliness. I’ve given everything, sacrificed myself in the altar of narcissistic supply, and as someone else said somewhere, I need to mourn the death of all the feelings I’ve wasted. Trust issues, exhaustion, disillusionment, on one hand I need and want the solitude, on the other I long for someone really real in my life, someone kind, who will appreciate what I can and can’t do/be/give… in truth, I feel torn. I know I need to be alone right now, necessary for this process of healing, but it’s gut-wrenching… all my important relationships have ended in abuse. I have friends that I can talk to, that’s not the issue… I just seem to be suicidal in the relationships department. What’s up with that… I’m a single mother, I’m nearing 40… I’ve got very few things to work for me, and heaps to work against me. Anyway, sorry for the rant. Good article, thanks.

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  • March 3, 2014 at 10:19 am

    Like many of the others that commented, I have felt alone for as long as I can remember. As an only child, to teenage parents (both alcoholics; one violent, now deceased, and the other functional)I have never felt that I belonged. Not in my family, religious groups, hobbies, etc… It is a very painful way to live. When discussing my feelings of not belonging in a recent therapy session, my therapist asked me what I thought I could do to change that. I said that maybe I can learn to belong to myself instead of looking outward for it. I don’t understand how I can feel this way with 7 billion people on the planet, but here I am, feeling this way. Life is very disheartening when your mental health is not healthy. I don’t envy people with money, looks or wonderful relationships. I envy people with healthy brain chemistry, because from there, all other things are possible. Without it, it’s just band aid after band aid hoping that when you’re done, you’ve created “good enough” mental health in a very Frankenstein way. I’m not there yet, and I’m completely exhausted from the process. Lonely hurts.

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    • March 4, 2014 at 1:23 am

      It does hurt, it makes me feel desperate. I have a cat, no kids, that is my constant companion. I have learned to distract myself by doing beadwork. I have also made friends online through psych central.Its not as good as I imagine in person friends might be, but it is comforting to have correspondence with another human. Have you tried psychcentral? If not, I invite you to try it!

      Reply
      • March 5, 2014 at 9:03 am

        I have noticed that more than one lonely person on here has a cat. I would like to suggest that people consider getting a dog. I do not say this lightly. When you have a dog, you take the dog for a walk. Other people with dogs are also taking their animals for walks. You start to talk to other people, you have something to talk to them about. You can take your dog to obedience school. I don’t have a dog but a friend of mine got one and she told me it changed her life. She’s the one who told me that all of a sudden she started talking to all of these people in the neighborhood that she never spoke to before. I hope I don’t seem shallow but if you like pets, a dog is a good way to meet people, although perhaps there are cat clubs.

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    • March 5, 2014 at 2:04 pm

      i am extremely jealous of people who grew up in a positive household, one where they were treated like what they thought or felt mattered… one where they were made to feel GOOD about themselves. i know that my life would have gone much better had i been given even an ounce of self esteem while growing up, but instead it was 90% negativity & very insecure & scary feeling. i can SO feel that still these days, even in my mid 50’s! nothing has changed! i still do not like life & still feel it is a huge burden. just getting by on a daily basis is extremely difficult when you’re worn down by extreme cold, having to shovel very heavy snow, figure out how to do your taxes, hate yourself for the 10 pounds you gained back after so much work, etc etc etc etc! the few good times do not equal the 90% crud some of us have to go through. there is NO light at the end of this dark tunnel.

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      • June 25, 2014 at 10:41 am

        Cin it appears like you find your environment difficult. Why not consider moving to Florida? There is a lot of sun, beautiful beaches, and is very affordable to live! That’s what I am doing!! I was born there and want to go back. You think snow is bad! Well imagine living in a ghetto and being harassed everyday by every single person you know in New York because you cant afford to live on your own! I cant afford $1300 a month just to get raped in the ghetto! Nooooooo way! Florida is awesome!!

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  • March 5, 2014 at 6:57 pm

    cat vs dog thing – unfortunately that sounds good in theory but doesn’t work for everyone.

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    • June 30, 2014 at 12:12 pm

      btw, ^the florida thing^ – i unfortunately had to buy a place in town quickly last year, so i am somewhat stuck. my ex just moved to florida, so i definitely have little interest in going there. i would love to be away from the snow, but what’s almost equally as bad as the snow to me is a ton of hot/humid weather. i physically cannot take it (& we have too much around here as it is). i doubt there’s anywhere that has perfect weather, for me at least, & it’s likely that i couldn’t afford to live there if there was.

      Reply
  • March 6, 2014 at 8:30 am

    Hi, I just wanted to comment again. I commented on this thread a while ago. I really relate to everyone here and it is comforting to know I am not the only introvert around. My heart is filled with compassion for each one of you. I just wanted to share some things that have helped me a lot in the last year. I hope that is allowed. I got diagnosed with Pyroluria and I suggest everyone google it and have a look at the symptoms. The supplements have helped me some. I have done some inner child work and that helped some too. Recently I started taking something called Pyruvate and that has helped me the most. My anxiety is much less and I am able to socialise much more. It has been an absolute god-send. I got the idea for the pyruvate from a book called “Depression Free Naturally”. I wanted to share this with you all because I relate so much to your experiences and your pain. Also, I have deep faith and that also helps a lot. I pray you will all find some level of recovery and hope.

    Reply
  • March 6, 2014 at 8:09 pm

    nik –
    what exactly does it do for you? where do you buy it, how much do you take (how often), & how much do you pay? (i just see it in small amounts on ebay)

    thanks!

    Reply
  • March 20, 2014 at 6:50 pm

    Just come across this website and realised I’m not alone…. feeling very down and on my own with it all. Have always felt ‘different’ to others. Find it very hard to really connect with people and really don’t think they get me at all. Life shouldn’t
    be such a struggle but I’m struggling big time… no one really understands and constantly look for answers….if it wasn’t for my daughter I don’t think I would still be here 🙁

    Reply
    • March 20, 2014 at 11:01 pm

      Hi Gracey!!
      I just got an email from this blog because I was on this site a couple years ago and it helped. I read your post and Had to reply to say I’m sorry you feel the way you feel about your life. I felt the exact same way back then. I started counseling then and I am so much better. One big thing that changed my life was being diagnosed with adhd. I had severe anxiety and depression for over 12 years and tried every single anti depressant that’s out there with no relief. The diagnosis alone made me feel better. The way you’re feeling about your life makes me so sad and I wish I could help. If you don’t mind can you tell me your symptoms when you say struggling with everything? Since my diagnosis I’m still in counseling once a month and I finally got the courage to go back to school. I’m about to finish my second semester out of a million in psychology. I actually just did an essay on “ADHD and anxiety what came first?” Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help you.
      Jen

      Reply
      • June 25, 2014 at 11:00 am

        I am happy for you 🙂 Lol Myself I diagnosed myself with ADHD after seeing seven (yes, 7!!!!!!!) doctors and therapists. No one would help me. They just rolled their eyes at me and dismissed me, throwing a Rx paper at me because I was so desperate to get help that I tried to explain all the bad things at once to them. One psychiatrist even. Another time they didn’t properly schedule my appointment and unbeknownst to me (thanks NYP directory of providers) they were a primary substance abuse facility, so when they penciled me in the guy who saw me made me take a breathalizer. I ran out of the room crying, I was so insulted (here’s looking at you, Catholic Charities in Uniondale NY :/ ) Even the ER doc prescribed me zoloft when I presented with chest pain and crying hysterics (a severe potassium deficiency). Besides K+ pills of course.

        We overprescribe medication because we don’t know what to do and it’s fucking pathetic.

        Reply
    • June 25, 2014 at 10:37 am

      Don’t be sad Gracey. I have the same problem. If only people like us in the comments section here could meet each other maybe we could all feel like we fit for once and someone cares about us. Like the world is a normal place.

      Reply
      • June 30, 2014 at 12:17 pm

        yeah.. i get to the point so often that i don’t even want to burden another person with my negative attitude (which came from all of my experiences) or my ‘blues’… i can be ok at times while i’m actually out doing something social, but then i’m often thinking – Isn’t there more (than this) to life?

        life is so full of burden, & i just rarely have the energy to deal with it all. most days i can’t even pick up the many things i see lying around my house that i should get to. i JUST do not have the ambition – it’s overwhelming, so i often do nothing.

        Reply
  • March 21, 2014 at 1:30 pm

    Loneliness is a very dark place, whether I surrounded myself with so-called “friends”, that had ended up just using me for money, other people, or promotions. And depression as being alone, being completely distrusting of anyone and very lonesome, by throwing myself into work or excessive activities, or the polar opposite- completely quite and still, genuflecting on everything; all alone in a room for days at a time and watching time pass by, sitting or lying down, praying and wishing everything in life would end. Feeling like a failure at 40- Underemployed; exercising regularly like all the research states as to stave off depression symptoms, yet it does not work, eating healthy, in shape, but yet a sad, depressed, lonely, middle-aged (old) man.
    Many would say “You are feeling sorry for yourself”, but that is not true- Far from the truth. Through trial and error, I try, all the self-help tools available, medications, therapy, doctors, have been useful to some point. But I truly believe that everyone has individual differences that “traveled” so many different paths, adversities, trials, sorrows, and has been scarred to some extent, more so than others.
    To work through the scars left behind, it will be a long journey of self-discovery that I am finding through my faith in the church. While not scientifically based, it does ease my anxiety, depression, and help my loneliness and the very dark places of it.
    Although there will always be “Bad Days”, the most miraculous events happen on days that are completely unexpected! Finding some solitude somewhere, wherever you may find it, can help to some extent. Just keep trying and never give up!

    Reply
    • May 25, 2014 at 3:19 pm

      Don’t give up.

      Reply
    • June 25, 2014 at 10:31 am

      Please don’t be sad Aaron. You are not pathetic at all. You probably are just more sensitive than others. Most people are NOT good or kind or smart people, so it is hard to connect with them. It is very difficult. Please hang on there are good people out there.

      Reply
      • June 30, 2014 at 12:21 pm

        “Most people are NOT good or kind or smart people, so it is hard to connect with them.” oh man – don’t i know! trying caring about animals (wolves, for instance) & then you will see the hatefulness & the cruelty that exists in so many so-called “human” beings. or pay attention to politics & how the poor are vilified & blamed for most things caused by the rich/greedy.

        Reply
 

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