Emotionally Sensitive People are capable of great joy. You are the person who lights up the room and makes any get-together a memorable event. Your sensitivity also means that your capacity for joy can be lost, buried under depression or fear. Here’s some ideas for how to recover your ability to live fully with all the joy and love you naturally have.
1. Be mindful of your fears. Are you making decisions based on fear? Maybe you fear not being good enough, being rejected or being hurt. Those fears can keep you isolated and alone. So think about it. Really focus in a purposeful, nonjudgmental way on the decisions you are making. Do you truly want to avoid life rather than experience difficult emotions? In ten years from now do you want to look back and say, “I’m so glad I isolated and didn’t take any chances? ” You could be dancing, planting community gardens, listening to music or playing music, singing, taking your grandchildren to the park and other pleasurable activities. You risk people not approving, talking negatively, and saying hurtful statements. You risk feeling sad and hurt for a time. Be mindful of what you really want for your life, not just about what you fear. Pay attention, on purpose to what is your heart’s desire, not your fear. If you are making decisions based on fear, then decide if you want to change that.
2. Be mindful of your value and worth as a person. When you allow other people’s remarks and reactions control your life,then you are essentially saying that you value their views and happiness more than your own. You are the creator or your life and you live it with your own wisdom about what is right for you. No one else can know what is best for you. No one else gets to dictate how you live your life unless you allow it. Mindfulness of your own worth and value and your own right to live your life as you wish can help you overcome fears.
3. Be mindful of your values and passions. Your fears may keep you from living what you value or even knowing what your values are. Making decisions and taking action that is consistent with your values brings contentment and peace. Do you value family? Do you value helping others? Education? The arts? Nature? Community? Spirituality? I am guessing that living according to rules set by others is not in your top ten values. Take a look at whether you are truly living according to your personal values.
What about your personal passions? If you love to create, are you writing poetry, painting, singing? If you love to hike, are you wearing o those hiking boots?
4. Shift the focus from your fears to involvement. Mindfulness is not just meditation or being thoughtful. Part of mindfulness is being in the flow, participating so fully that you lose yourself in the activity that you want to do. Being so completely present with friends that you lose thoughts of yourself. You are one with the activity with no self-consciousness or other thoughts outside of what you are doing. Mindfulness is about living your life fully present and in the flow, throwing yourself whole heartedly into your moment, whatever you are doing. Perhaps you want to be with people. Maybe you want to When you are participating fully you are so involved you are not thinking of your fears. It takes practice, lots of practice, but it works.
Note: Thanks to all who have joined us at www.dbtskillscoaching.com. In August we’ll be providing min-workbooks, videos and webinars on the mindfulness how skills. Also, the Forgiveness Skills interactive webinar starts on August 21 at 9:30 CT. This webinar will address the skills and challenges involved in deciding to forgive yourself or others. The webinar will be recorded for later viewing as well. My best to all of you!