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Archives for May, 2012

Coping Skills

Coping With White Lies

The lies we remember most are those that go with a complete betrayal, or that result in a feeling we've been conned. Those lies can destroy relationships. But the most frequent lies are those white lies we hear on a daily basis, the ones that are almost automatic and seem socially acceptable as long as they aren't revealed.

People will say you look wonderful...
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Emotionally Sensitive Person

Why We Lie

Not too long ago, a reader sent an email asking why emotionally sensitive people lie. Her question suggested that the emotionally sensitive lie more frequently than people who aren't emotionally sensitive.

Her email made me curious. What are the reasons people lie? Do emotionally sensitive people lie more than others?

People Lie Without Thinking

Robert Feldman, who wrote...
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Borderline Personality Disorder

How Emotionally Sensitive People are Similar to Fighter Pilots


In the book, "Why We Make Mistakes," Joseph Hallinan relates an amazing story about a 1972 airplane crash. When Captain Robert Lofe, the pilot of Eastern Airlines Flight 401, was making his final approach to Miami International Airport, he noticed something was wrong. He had put the landing gear down, but the indicator light didn't come on.

He circled around and decided to level off to determine what the problem was.

He didn't...
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Coping Skills

The Agony of Being Emotionally Overwhelmed

Kelly's weekdays are filled with pain. She's a caring friend; one who takes on the pain of the people in her life. Her college student niece whose heart is broken, the young wife next door who feels empty and hollow despite having the life she once dreamed of and the middle-aged friend whose life hasn't met his expectations.

All their emotions, and those of others, stay...
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Coping Skills

Three Suggestions for Effective Problem-Solving

Emotionally sensitive people are often creative and able to think outside the box. When it comes to solving problems though, their emotions can get in the way of using their strengths.

Problems can be upsetting, and emotionally sensitive people tend to get easily discouraged, so they avoid problems or spend so little thinking about solutions that they have little hope the solutions are out there.

Others have...
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Borderline Personality Disorder

What’s Your Problem-Solving Style?

Many of us might wish there weren't so many problems in life. "If only"  keeps us stuck, just like, "Why me?"  We'd rather have a life that flows effortlessly. Given that life is full of problems, maybe the best option is to get really good at solving them.

Sometimes problems come because we make bad decisions. Some come because of our relationships with others and some...
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Borderline Personality Disorder

How Judgments Block Problem Solving

"He's a stupid idiot," "I'm a total loser," or "I've just had a horrible day"  are common statements we make when we are frustrated, tired,  overwhelmed or embarrassed. Such statements often serve to express intense feelings after difficult events. So what's the harm?

In general, the main issue is that judgmental statements tend to increase our emotional upset. But there are other concerns as well.

Judgements Hide Consequences

We label events and...
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Borderline Personality Disorder

Emptiness


Describing the experience of emptiness to individuals who have never experienced it is difficult. How is it that some emotionally sensitive people, who feel so many emotions so intensely, also struggle with emptiness?  I asked for wisdom from those who have experienced emptiness*.

Kendra said emptiness feels like a cold shell. Imagine feeling like a shell of a person with no insides, nothing there.

Lynn said, "[experiencing emptiness makes me feel like] I cannot breathe. And...
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Coping Skills

Emotionally Sensitive People and Food


While it's not true for everyone, many emotionally sensitive people tend to use food as self-comfort. Eating is one of those strategies that works in the short-term but can have long-term consequences that add to your stress level.

When you go into your closet and nothing fits, that's a miserable feeling. When your chest is tight and you feel so stuffed with food you can't move, that's miserable too.


One of...
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