23 thoughts on “Deathbed Confessions of a Narcissistic Mother

  • May 3, 2019 at 3:08 am

    I don’t believe it for a second,

    A narcissist typically dies blaming doctors and hospital staff, and the commend themselves on how you turned to be (if successful) or lament their bad luck (if not).

    Be real now

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    • May 3, 2019 at 8:46 am

      The story is true.

      Reply
    • May 3, 2019 at 9:24 am

      I agree

      Reply
  • May 3, 2019 at 7:37 am

    No empathy for her. She made her choices. However it’s a step above most narcs who would never admit wrong and may even try to get in a few last digs. It still must have meant something to her long suffering daughter. 💔

    Reply
    • May 3, 2019 at 8:44 am

      Thanks for responding Elke. The mother’s deathbed confession had a profound impact on the daughter. She left a prestigious, high-paying career in business to pursue a humble career in a helping profession – her true calling. The daughter also broke the family legacy of abuse.

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      • May 3, 2019 at 7:45 pm

        This story is not true, and you are insulting victims of narcissistic abuse by posting it. Read it back to yourself, it starts out saying “my child” that would not be said if mother was talking to daughter. Later it switches to “you”.
        This has to be the worst piece of writing on narcissists I have seen. Shame on you for upsetting and insulting victims

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      • May 4, 2019 at 10:42 am

        Thank you for pointing out the grammatical errors – which I fixed. I am very sorry you feel this way. It was certainly not my intent to upset or insult victims. Please read my response to Philippa.

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      • May 5, 2019 at 3:37 am

        I was not pointing out grammatical errors, I was pointing out that if the mother was speaking to the daughter she would not have said “my child”, and as you the writer are just repeating what the daughter says was said, you can’t get that wrong. I’m sorry you feel I’m correcting grammar, but that is so far from the truth.

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      • May 5, 2019 at 9:18 am

        I’m sorry Jan. I’m not sure I grasp your point here. I first wrote the post using a second-person object to reflect more accurately the mother’s words. Then I switched to the third person to speak in more general terms and forgot to change some of the wording. Despite my flaws as an amateur writer, the story is true.

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  • May 3, 2019 at 6:13 pm

    Yeah… this reads suspiciously like a last ditch attempt to be the center of attention and praise from as many people and family members as possible. If she were truly sorry I’m pretty sure becoming a blog post for an extremely popular website would be the last way she’d want to convey genuine remorse.

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    • May 3, 2019 at 8:28 pm

      The mother in the story died over 30 years ago – long before the internet was widely available. The confessions were in private. Even the most abusive people can have a moment of clarity.

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  • May 3, 2019 at 10:42 pm

    I think this is remarkable. The most anyone could ever hope for from people with this terrible affliction. While it’s too little too late for most, I’d personally be willing to forgive if I heard my father say this! Once you really understand their motivations and why it’s really just survival, and everything in existence is struggling to survive. These are people who were not grown right…they grew crooked and maybe at a time when there were not tools to be able to grow in healthy ways. Not to feel sorry for them, but at the same time I feel that demonising them is unhelpful as well, though understandable given the horrific behaviour and what they put their kids through…me being one of them…once you distance yourself and break free and heal, it’s better in the long run to see them as children screaming in utter pain and loneliness so desperately cut of and disconnected from their own souls. Hard to not feel pity.

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    • May 4, 2019 at 10:11 am

      Very insightful response. This is precisely the reason I shared this story. It’s quite remarkable that you arrived at this wisdom without hearing a confession from your father.

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    • May 6, 2019 at 7:24 pm

      I agree with all you say, but apologising on your death bed is too little, too late, in my view. Also, keep in mind not all narcissists suffered abuse themselves as children (though many did) – some became narcissists because they were always told they were great, exceptional, etc. to an unhealthy degree. I have both types in my immediate and extended family. There is more than one path to narcissism.

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      • May 7, 2019 at 11:01 am

        A little too late for what? For you to forgive them? Unforgiveness is on you. Even if they never apologized, hanging on to bitterness and being unforgiving is a poison you drink, not them. If they are truly sorry, their hearts will begin to heal regardless of their apology being accepted. They are independent of one another. I read a wonderful quote once that states “unforgiveness breaks the bridge over which we too must pass.”

        Reply
  • May 4, 2019 at 1:27 am

    I don’t believe they actually realise the pain n Havoc they create in others life, they are very selfish n arrogant, even in death bed they will argue that they were always right n they deserve best attention n care. Please I have seen many n it’s satisfying to read but not 1% true.

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    • May 4, 2019 at 10:05 am

      Typically they don’t. This woman was a noteworthy exception.

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  • May 5, 2019 at 6:01 pm

    I appreciate this. I have two parents who are narcissistic. It’s taken me over 50+ years to recognize their illness. One parent (my mother) has and is using me still as her target. My father, I am not connected much to him anymore. I have boundary lines I’ve drawn for both. My hope for the future is that, others whom they still influence will figure it out.

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    • May 6, 2019 at 10:02 am

      Thank you Dede. You have found good coping skills.

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  • May 7, 2019 at 11:48 am

    I enjoyed reading this article. It may have been last minute, but what a wonderful insight the woman finally had. She admitted her sins and asked for forgiveness. I will pray for one suffering narcissist to get insight by your article to ask the lord for forgiveness earlier, and have the courage to change before death. Saving one life is all that matters. Thank you for sharing 💗

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  • May 10, 2019 at 6:04 pm

    This was mine. She died alone with two people. Both in her will.

    She never got the insight or anything close. She just died.

    Yet she was my mother. Long gone and I’m responsible for my own happiness or at least defining what happiness is.

    I deeply miss something I never had. A family.

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  • July 24, 2019 at 6:34 am

    Well this is an interesting post, and an even more interesting subsequent series of comments.

    What strikes me, is a big wave of empathy, for everyone, who like myself…..are still in the hell of providing caregiving for an elderly narcissist.

    That is, while I find your written post to be a most likely accurate assessment of how most dying npd mothers MIGHT actually feel, if they can feel, and their more likely subsequent ACTIVE AVOIDANCE OF THOSE FEELINGS,

    ………I currently

    I can relate to those who are expressing disbelief and outrage at your post. I presume you can also understand why, having been a daughter of a narcissistic mother yourself. You are touching a nerve with a thousand daughters (or more?) who will never hear anything close to the sort of self-reflective thoughts you are describing from their dying narc mom. False hope feels cruel after abuse. Sadder still, is the painful reality that they were never capable of mothering, and thus, long before they die, most of us daughters in this position, grieve that loss long in advance and brace ourselves for the worst behaviour and treatment from them yet. Instead of the statistically unlikely sudden move towards self-reflection and accountability.

    That said. I really appreciate your post. It may have helpful aspects for me, or others and I appreciate that possibility. My heart goes out to all those who don’t believe you for a second as well, I know where they are coming from and why they might find your post triggering.

    Also, perhaps a lot of people reading this are dealing with their mothers actively dying.
    Whereas you are now in the promised land of reflection after the death of your narcissistic Mom. Absolutely zero offence intended. If what you say is true, then you went through hell yourself. I’m just saying people in our position get angry because in truth, there is no reason to believe they will ever miraculously suddenly care about the impact of their actions, and choices on others. They are inherently selfish. This deathbed confession itself screams of ME ME ME actually. What else is new. Nothin. Nothin to get upset about. People are acting jealous because this pathetic attempt at reflection or remorse on the death bed is more than most of us have learned to hope for. I am pleased you had this experience with your Mom, and that you shared it with all of us. If only so I had the chance to be compelled to write this response, with the intent that it might help people in a horrifically painful narcissistic mother, who cannot relate to the relief you might be feeling after her passing.

    Reply
    • July 24, 2019 at 9:54 am

      Thanks for writing Candace. This mother was very unusual in that she was finally able to see through her own defenses. She herself never received such validation from her even-more-abusive mother.

      Reply
 

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