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Are Trust Issues Ruining Your Life?

The development of trust issues is common in any of the forms of dysfunctional homes. Whether you are being abused in some fashion, fear losing a parent’s love or fear being abandoned, you come to believe that other humans are not very trustworthy with your emotional life.

This tends to generalize out to all others due to the belief that “If my parents do this why wouldn’t others?” After all, your parents are supposed to be the best humans in your lives in your childhood. They are the very ones that you are supposed to be able to trust.

Maybe you experienced infidelity in a past relationship and now expect a new partner to be a cheater. You believe that if you expect it to happen and prepare yourself then you will not be blindsided if it happens again. You may be spending a lot of time searching through their email, texts and whatever else you can get your hands on.

This usually ends up with fighting and a huge waste of your energy. Maybe you actually come right out and accuse your partner of cheating with no evidence and end up pushing them away. For nothing.

Trust issues can be found hand in hand with many other emotional difficulties. Although commonly identified by clients as a problem, it is not always clear to them how trust issues relate to the other themes in their life.

Lack of trust causes anxiety, in relationships and in general. It is also depressing when due to a lack of trust you exclude yourself from social interactions or from developing an intimate relationship with a potentially great partner. Loneliness can be a precursor to serious depressions. Trust issues cheat you out of quality of life and interfere with your emotional success.

When someone has betrayed you or when you expect to be betrayed, you may behave in an angry manner and carry anger with you into all situations. This anger is your suit of armor, you aren’t going to be betrayed again!

Have you ever been around an angry person for any length of time? Not fun, not pleasant and most people shy away from engaging with them. That initial betrayal is now interfering with your whole life and your ability to make new friends or partners. Chronically angry people typically do not last long in jobs either.

Trust to some degree is a necessary piece of humanity. It allows peace of mind in certain situations and allows you to let down your guard for the moment. See my previous post on “Boy Scout Brain” and how stressful it is to be always on the lookout for danger. Without some element of trust, fear rules your life. You need to be as discerning as possible in who you trust and how much to trust, but really it is hard to face the world alone with no one to trust.

There are no guarantees in life, and you could be spending an hour a day snooping in your partner’s things to no avail just to have them killed in a car accident or suffer a heart attack and be taken from you in that way. You can’t protect yourself from everything bad and you really can’t protect yourself from cheating. If someone is a cheat they will find a way to do it.

The best thing to do for yourself is choose the best partner possible and then trust that person until they give you a reason not to. If they cheat, you will have to evaluate the relationship and decide whether you want to stay or go.

The best way for you to choose your best partner is make sure you are relatively free of emotional baggage before you go looking. That baggage tends to get in the way of making choices that are in your best interest.

It may sound ridiculous but some people actually choose people who they know at some level will cheat, as then its not a painful surprise when they do. Choosing someone with lower integrity or who you feel is somehow “beneath” you is not as painful as losing or being cheated on by someone you really adore.

That is just one example of how trust issues and emotional baggage can get in the way of your current and future happiness. It is best to deal with it once and for all and enjoy the fruits of emotional success!

If you feel like this applies to you and you would like to learn more about how to stop these thinking patterns that keep you stuck, go to PsychSkills.com and get your free resources:

Feel Good For Life!

 

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Photo by benuski

Photo by benuski

Photo by benuski

Photo by benuski

Are Trust Issues Ruining Your Life?


Audrey Sherman, Ph.D.

Audrey Sherman is a psychologist, coach, speaker and author of the book Dysfunction Interrupted-How to Quickly Overcome Depression, Anxiety and Anger Starting Now. She is an expert in helping others to transform their lives by learning the elements of emotional success and overcoming the emotional baggage and dysfunctional patterns that keep them stuck in unhappy and unproductive lives, relationships and careers. She currently works with clients in person or via Skype or telephone. To learn more about Dr. Sherman, her coaching and workshops you can visit her website, Dysfunctioninterrupted.com.


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APA Reference
Sherman, A. (2016). Are Trust Issues Ruining Your Life?. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 29, 2020, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/dysfunction/2016/10/are-trust-issues-ruining-your-life/

 

Last updated: 15 Oct 2016
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