Please don’t.

“Why not!” You probably just heard screamed in your head like the echoing roar of a tiger.

“Because..” I would retort, “People would miss you.”

“Nobody would miss me!” your ego would instinctively argue knowing that it wants nothing for your best right now and everything for your death. It speaks as if it has authority and power but really, it’s been lost in the confusion and mental depravity that has been caused by _______.  Insert your story in the blank.

Any story of pain, death, loss, personal illness, illness of a loved one, loss of job, problems with friends, etc. Any story that kills you a little bit could kill you at any time. But—you have 2 choices with this pain. It can make you stronger, more adaptive, and a better version of yourself or it can kill you, eat away at you slowly from the inside out, and take your life—both literally and figuratively.

 

I really do get why you would want to kill yourself because I’ve been to that special kind of hell and that darkness is crushing. Nobody has to convince me that hell is real because when the pain of your existence is so painful that you want to die then I have no problem telling you that you’ve reached the lowest level of Dante’s Inferno.

So, I get why you want to but I want you to think about the people who don’t have a choice in this and, yet, would be deeply impacted.

Please consider my story.

In 2013, I tried to kill myself and ended up in a local mental health hospital. We were in group one day and the topic of discussion was suicide. The leader told a story of a woman who had a very cruel joke played on her. One day, a dentist’s receptionist was making calls to patients to confirm the next day’s appointments when the receptionist inadvertently dialed a wrong number.

“Hello, I’m calling to confirm a dental appointment for Mrs. Cork tomorrow at 3 pm..”

“She’s dead. She died yesterday.”

Why a person would play such a cruel joke, I’ll never know but Mrs. Cork was, indeed, alive and well but her dentist was told otherwise.

When her dentist received the news, she was heartbroken. It hurt deeply to know that one of her favorite patients was gone. Imagine her surprise when Mrs. Cork walked into the office for her scheduled appointment. Her dentist grabbed her and hugged her when she realized she had not died, much to Mrs. Cork’s surprise.

“See Everyone, you never know the lives you touch all around you. You don’t even realize who would miss you if you were gone” our group leader said to end our discussion.

I knew he was right and have thought of this story ever since because shortly after returning home from the hospital, I went to the gym to work out. When I entered the gym, one of the girls at the front desk smiled warmly at me and said, “Hey! I haven’t seen you around in a while. I’ve missed ya. I’ve wondered where you’ve been.” And it made me think of this story. If I had died, it would have hurt her. I never want to do that to someone willingly and I know you don’t, either.  She’s just one of the many who would have been affected and I hardly knew her.

You have many, too. You have a lot of people who love you and care for you deeply. People you may or may not even know. I encourage you, dear reader, to consider more than yourself in this moment. You can use that courage you’re showing, the courage to face death head on, and use that courage to face life with the same tenacity and fortitude. I believe in you.

Here’s a number you can call and reach other people who believe in you:

1800-273-8255

Please, dear reader, think about those closest to you. They love you and would miss you.

 Please don’t.

Let those around you help you, and you—help yourself.

Get help today.

You’re worth it.

You always will be.

I’m praying for you today.

-D6