The Intro: At times, I feel scared as hell.
Fear is something that, as a person with Bipolar, grips me and, at times, shackles me through delusions, body sensations, and, to be honest, visual hallucinations (mostly shadows).
Darkness runs through my mind, my eyes, my heart, and everything around it. The first thought is “Be afraid” or “This is terrifying” but I realize that my mind is giving me the gift of “seeing” my anxiety manifested in visual form. Not everyone gets this and I realize that it could possibly meet the criteria for “Psychosis” but I’m fully balanced and aware of what I feel and see in this dark moment.
Real Talk: I am practicing what I’m about to preach.
It’s funny because it came for me this morning and tried to shackle me to the ground. I stood, I felt, I became afraid and I held on to it as long as I could and then something happened, something changed, it was vanquished and flooded my body endorphins and neurotransmitters and I felt powerful. I felt strong. I felt like I conquered something. I hate to say “like a warrior in battle”, but this internal moment reminded me of a physical fight (only with myself), but I won the battle with anxiety and feel balanced and focused for my day.
When fear comes for you, fight it, by surrendering to it, and after it passes you will be rewarded with mental clarity and focus. You will see your own power because even though it came for you and your day, you chose to let it in (much like inviting someone into your home), and then you kicked it’s ass out! (much like… you get the picture!)
We’ve seen non-violent movements topple empires and kingdoms, why can’t we just accept what is about ourselves in each moment, stop fighting, and let it come and go. Nothing remains forever. I’ve never had a depressive episode last forever. I’ve had really long bouts, but never “forever” and when I stopped trying to avoid them, they’ve come less and less.
The Truth: Everyone has good days and bad days.
You’re going to have good days, bad days, and sometimes–just days. You can still act. You can still move. You just may not feel like it.
Accept your WHOLE self. Good, bad, and indifferent. When you start to do this, you realize you are in control of the emotions and they’re not in control of you. You will have moments you mess up and lose, but it’s like any relationship. It takes some time to get to know each other.
The Reality: Fear will change you, one way or the other.
Fear, if worked with, can be a catalyst to empowerment and courage and, no matter what, you will know you gave it your all which will lead to satisfaction.
Oh, by the way, you need to do some inner work for all of this to work. Sorry, but not. No psychotropic pill is the cure to your affliction, no, it’s just the start of your journey to recovery.
The Honest Truth: You have to do the work.
I suggest meditation, journaling, observing, nature walks, or even just some front porch time. Away from technology and in the quietness of your own sacred space (your mind).
I’ll leave you with the words of Bruce Lee
The great mistake is to anticipate the outcome of the engagement; you ought not be thinking of whether it ends in victory or defeat. Let nature take it’s course, and your tools will strike at the right moment.
Be well my friends and keep fighting the fight,
Thanks to Shutterstock for the picture.