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Addiction, recovery and sex

When I was new in recovery I memorized the 12-Steps.

Then, at a meeting I heard someone mention the 13th Step. What!? There’s another step I have to do? I asked what the 13th Step was.

“It’s hitting on newcomers – hooking up with newbies,” I was told.

“Ah,” a much younger and better looking me said to myself. “That’s why all these guys are giving me hugs and buying me coffee.”

I stopped hugging guys that creeped me out – stuck out my hand instead. I learned the true understanding of “helping the newcomer.”

I listened to my sponsor and old-timers I trusted: “You don’t get into relationships or date when you are in early recovery.”

“Why?” I asked.

“Because nothing will take your mind off your recovery quicker than a guy,”  I was told. “And besides, you have demonstrated and extraordinary inability to have a healthy relationship. Your picker is broken.”

9 Comments to
Addiction, recovery and sex

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  1. Hi there! I’ve been in recovery for years and still am being 13 years! My higher has really been great! I’ve heard all the quotes and sayings! I applauded you for your endeavors on staying I was a GSR and had a group meetings that I chaired! I know how it works the 12 steps and the promises! Please continue progress with your recovery!

  2. I think about death every single day to the point it’s crippling my lifestyle. I specifically think about my mother dying and my eventual death. I also am obsessed with reminiscing things from the past. Another thing is I’m obsessed with genetic engineering and telomeres and living forever. I just want to live forever with my mom that’s it that’s all I want.

  3. Hi Christine,
    Great article, thank you.
    I would love to get your thoughts and feedback on the movement we have started.
    After losing a friend to depression we made it our mission to contribute to mental health space. We have built an anonymous platform that connects you to similar thoughts, as you express yourself, letting you know you are not alone. Our app is called Paralign (
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  4. Thanks so much for this helpful blog. Although I’ve never been through recovery for addiction I have suffered severe depressive episodes since my late 20s and your article highlights one of my faulty coping mechanisms. Like one of the sponsors told you, my picker is broken. I was always attracted to men who emotionally or physically abused me because I must have thought that was all I deserved and they spotted me coming a mile off! After several major stressors all came together 2 years ago I’ve had to put my life back together piece by piece with the help of some brilliant new friends and charities. However, my major liberating feature in my continuing recovery is the joy I’ve found in being single, I can please myself and am not looking after anyone else who is not worth my precious time.Not saying it’s been easy cos I’m changing the habits since my teenage years. But I’m so proud that I continue to recover and although I really miss a male companion I’m not prepared to accept second best ever again. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts.

  5. Hi, I have read your blog and the comments posted by the readers. I think it’s a wonderful write up and I hope others will benefit from it. I also want to thankyou for sharing it with so many people who need to read the positive messages you are writing. I too have had my ups and downs over many years. It took me about 20 years to realize that my own worst enemy was myself. Depression affects many of us in many different ways and it is typically the result of much deeper emotions we hold within ourselves that we have stored away for safe keeping so we don’t have to think about it. The problem is that – it sits there deep within our souls. We think we have eliminated it, but we have not. There is a solution to this – it’s called ZPoint. The founder and creator for this process is Grant Connolly. And this process really works at not only addressing the negative emotions but releasing them as well. So if you have an additiction, dealing with depression, relationship problems or any other negative emotions, give this a try. I personally use this process on a regular basis and it has helped me so much. I am posting the website here in hopes that it finds you well and helps you with the emotions you are dealing with:

  6. Do you need help with your life? MyAdvice is an on-demand emotional health and well-being service. When you need to chat ,connect to a real listener or therapist when you want someone to talk to.Whatever step you take first – Text Therapy,Video Chat Therapy, Phone Therapy, and one on one Counseling – starts you on a path that will encourage and support you as you take steps daily to become stronger.

  7. Anxiety and depression go hand in hand. One inspirational success story can touch many people and fuel the recovery for many. Great piece.

  8. Interesting perspective all these poor women getting exploited

    Meanwhile when a female preditor who has destroyed her life is under a mountain of debt has no marketable skills cherry picks a new guy gets herself pregnant and goes on the state no one says a word

    And if you do sayy something you get relentlessly shamed as a mysogynist

    And ostracized by the group

    Ive yet to see a single woman live a happy ever after in the program most are too self centered narsasistic and delusional to be in a relationship with meaning

    They just seek coin and nothing else

    Guys avoid women in the rooms like the plague ….

    Lest you get a hater/feminist such as the sort who penned this tripe

  9. This is so true. Couldn’t agree more. Thanks for sharing this.


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