5 thoughts on “Death and depression: Two questions you must ask

  • November 11, 2015 at 11:00 am

    Thank you for that lovely article, it hit home and spoke to me on many levels. I share the same fears of falling into the black hole again myself. I have buried both parents, one sister, three brothers, and a sister and brother in law. I am a relatively young person, I am just blessed to have a large family. Every relationship is unique and with each loss I learned something about myself. Some good and some bad. As you mentioned in your article, I also struggled with the same questions and felt terrible about betraying my religious beliefs. One thing I can say with certainty is that there is very definitely contact. It is personal, it is specific, and it is unmistakeingly real. It may be something as simple as a Led Zepplin song, or a fragrance, or sometimes the phone rings and nobody is on the other end. You know it because you know what love feels like. I should add it usually shows up when you need it most. I am particularly sensitive to the anticipatory grief for your spouse. I fear the same and fully expect that I will wind up in the fetal position in the corner of the room banging my head against the wall. I hope I don’t, but fear is fear. I focus on each day putting one foot in front of the other and doing the next best right thing, what ever that happens to be. I once read a Peanuts cartoon where one character said to the other, “some day we’re all going to die, but on all the other days we’re not.” As simple as that sounds, we owe it to our surviving loved ones to carry on with purpose. Thank you for writing such a caring and thought provoking article, and especially for allowing me the opportunity to share some personal feelings.

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    • November 11, 2015 at 11:58 am

      Thank you so much for sharing. I’m going to add that Peanut’s line to my mantra list.

      Reply
  • November 12, 2015 at 1:17 pm

    For us, it is the seemingly random appearance of paper cut animals and angels. My mother was constantly creating these little gems, and sharing them with anyone she felt needed a lift. After she died they ontinued to appear. The most amazing to me was the one that appeared here in North Carilina on my mother-in- laws table the day she was told her cancer had returned. Mom lived in Connecticut. The two women rarely met, but that day an angel appeared. That is not the only time similar cuttings have appeared, a cat on the basement floor on the occasion of the death of a pet, an angel when I opened a book. Maybe a comforting fantasy, but I believe instead they are evidence of love that transcends even that most final boundary.

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  • July 9, 2017 at 1:34 am

    I have lost so many of my family. I’m standing on the edge of that black hole, and looking in. My husband died 2 years ago {a slow and painful death} I had to decide to stop the machines. He lasted over 2 weeks. The only thing that helped him, was morphine. now my mother is in hospice, has been there over a year. She is down to less than 60 pounds. She hardly is ever lucid or awake. I live 1200 miles away, and because of health issues I have a difficult time traveling. My sister lives there, and gives me updates. That is not all. My daughter has to have a breast biopsy. I wonder why it can’t be me. I just want to let go and give up. I an so tired! My daughter and husband say I can’t have a small dog, which I want very badly. I live with them, and have to do as they say. I have nothing of my own. I want to go to sleep and not wake up. Thanks for listening. More later!

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  • June 19, 2018 at 3:39 pm

    I had brain surgery in 2009. After the surgery, I experienced massive seizures multiple times a day. I was fully conscious with each seizure. I lost my job, could no longer play with my kids, driving was out of the question. Over the years my seizures have gradually subsided. It seems that my doctor finally found the right cocktail mix of drugs. Each drug had its own set of adverse side effects.

    After 8 years, the seizures finally stopped completely and I started looking for a job again. I worked in the software industry and quickly realized that my previous skill set was no longer relevant. After months and months of trying to find a job that was close to making what I was making 8 years ago. I had no success. That’s when my three constant companions named stress, anxiety and, depression came into my life.

    I felt worthless. My wife didn’t understand and just thought I should “snap out of it”. After more than 20 years, my marriage was on the brink of collapse. Suddenly the word “divorce” started coming up more and more frequently. We went to counseling. I started seeing a therapist on my own then I went to a psychiatrist who prescribed more drugs. Nothing seemed to work. I was tired and wanted my life to be over. Suicidal thoughts ran through my brain from morning till evening and all through the night. I just wanted to escape from it all.

    That’s when a friend turned me on to a natural vitamin supplement called Focus Essentials (www.focusessentials.com). I know it probably isn’t appropriate to plug a product on this blog and that really isn’t my intention. But I was desperate to try anything. I still wanted to live. My suggestion to anyone facing deep depression is to try anything that will help. For me it was this vitamin supplement, for you it could be something different. Now my marriage is slowly getting stronger each day. I found a good paying job. And my kids now have their dad back.
    Just don’t give up, it’s a battle worth fighting for!!

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