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Celebrating a decade, depression-free

I celebrate three dates every year: August 27, 1998 – my sober birthday; December 18, 19?? – my belly-button birthday and April 26, 2005 the day my depression swallowed me whole.shutterstock_170891168

It’s hard to believe it’s been 10 years since my last major depression. I have had ups and downs but for 10 years now, there has been a floor below me and ceiling above me. I credit my medications for those gifts.

When I first started taking them I my depression finally lifted, anxiety set in: How long could this last? What if my life remained inbounds and I stopped waking up at night with voice in my head saying “Oh, she killed herself.” What if I never again felt like a racehorse at the gate, nostrils flared and a hoof pawing at the dirt?

Would I like that kind of life? Would the medications wear off and stop working? What would it be like taking medications every single damn day? How come I can’t just appreciate the fact that I’m no longer in a black hole and keep worrying about this?

My nurse practitioner explained that this is what a normal, healthy life felt like. And yes, it could be like this for the rest of my life. I still had the ability to be very, very happy and very, very sad but neither would consume me anymore, she explained.

How did that sound? Freakin’ weird.

A decade later, it’s not so weird anymore. I actually like it.

A lot.

Birthday cake available from Shutterstock.

 

Celebrating a decade, depression-free

Christine Stapleton

Christine Stapleton has been a journalist for 35 years. She is now an investigative reporter for The Palm Beach Post. In 2006, began writing a blog for PsychCentral called Depression on My Mind. Her latest blog, Addiction Matters, draws on her 19 years of sobriety and her coverage of the drug treatment industry in South Florida.


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APA Reference
Stapleton, C. (2015). Celebrating a decade, depression-free. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 24, 2019, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/depression/2015/04/celebrating-a-decade-depression-free/

 

Last updated: 15 Apr 2015
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