I screwed up. I am blessed to have an amazing prescription drug plan. I send in my prescriptions for $60, I get a three-month supply. Doesn’t matter which drug or how much it really costs. I pay just $60. So, why do I wait until I am nearly out of my meds to mail in the refills?

This time I waited so long that I have run out of one of my meds. Today is my third day without it. I called the prescription service and they said they sent it four days ago. Hopefully, it will come today. Still, I am going to see my nurse practitioner first thing on Monday morning.

I have never been this reckless before with my medications. I always – ALWAYS – take them as prescribed and I feel good, even great, most of the time. I’m waiting for withdrawal to kick in. Last night I had an incredibly vivid and terrible dream. I was in a building – seemed like a hotel – and it was stormed by some guys who were going from room-to-room shooting people. Everyone was trying to hide. I was under a table covered with a long tablecloth. Another woman was with me. The shooter pulled back the tablecloth and killed her but did not see me. I woke up with my mouth hanging open, feeling like I had been in such a deep sleep for so long that I could not move. And now I am feeling a little manicky. I’m not bouncing off the walls but, man, do I have some great ideas!

Seems like I deliberately self-sabotage myself. I know I should do something and I don’t. Like returning phone calls. Seems like no big deal but I deliberately don’t return certain calls. I’m not talking about calls from bill collectors. I’m talking about calls from friends who just want to say “Hi.” Same with being on time. I get up plenty early but I putz around till the last minute, then rush to make a meeting. I get there on time but it’s like I need the rush to get me there.

But this medication mishap is serious. I know that – still I let it happen. Never again. This is just plain stupid and in the words of the philosopher Gump, “stupid is as stupid does.”