How do you truly work on a relationship?
I think this question is often one that is answered to fast. I know that years ago as a novice relationship counselor, I would have blurted out something that I read from a textbook or a noteworthy article. Something like, “utilize the five love languages to build a solid connection.”
The answer is not wrong. In fact, it’s right because it can work. It’s just that the question requires so much more…
A relationship, a marriage is so much more than holding hands and sharing kisses. I wish that in life there could be a blueprint for having a successful marriage. I know that I have written books and that so many other brilliant counselors and healers have written books or courses. Yet, creating and sustaining a relationship that works is beyond what can be found in a book because it is so unique to the two people.
Every couple is different. Each is individual fingerprints and because of the overwhelming differences, it is simply difficult to have one blueprint that works for all.
We all experience different emotions. We hold different values. We each have a different definition of commitment or boundaries. And because of this, the idea of creating one blueprint is difficult.
Yes, it would be nice. It would be nice if creating and sustaining a relationship was a simple as teaching a young teenager how to drive a car. This system has a blueprint. The blueprint is universal across the board. We have drivers education classes that do this.
I hope that you have not lost hope because in no way is that the intention here. Instead, my goal is to provide you with a vision. A vision that requires ample work, dedication and commitment.
Do you remember, when you first saw your partner?
Do you remember the butterflies you felt in your stomach?
Do you remember how all that you wanted to do was hold that person or kiss them?
Do you remember how time would fly by while you two would do simple, yet connective acts? Acts like cuddling, kissing, walking or spending hours upon hours on the phone.
Some people call this the honeymoon stage or the early stages of the relationship.
What happens after time passes?
Why is it that the kisses become less frequent or even not as long?
Why is it that you if see a message from your partner you wait to answer it, while years ago or during the time described above you would have answered it right away?
I think the answer is simple.
Life happens and with time priorities and shifts take place. Work may become a priority for some. Personal ambitions may become a priority for others. Kids can get in the way. Arguments overtime are swept under the rug. Selfish behaviors are not appropriately addressed.
Something dynamic takes place that pushes two people apart. Often it is too difficult to detect for the partners or there may be a fear to address it.
When I work with couples, my intention is not solely to address the core issue that brought them to register for my course or work one-on-one with. me. As a relationship counselor, my work is understanding your unique relationship. Gaining insight into how it was created and sustained.
Think about your relationship.
What are you doing each and every day to nourish it? Not just on date day or on the special occasions like Valentine’s day or your anniversary. BUT every moment of every day.
How are you growing your relationship?
How are your strengthening the bond that was created years ago?
If you would to save your relationship, take the relationship building.