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Mistakes That Tear Relationships Apart

3 Mistakes That Can Tear Your Relationship Apart

All relationships are vulnerable to toxic mistakes that can create hurt, pain and even lead to separation. Even strong and healthy relationships are susceptible to leading two people apart.

Below are three mistakes that should be avoided at all cost.

The first is to avoid in your relationship is living independent lives.

In life, we start of dependent on others, then we transition to an independent state, and lastly a state of interdependent. The state of interdependent is when two people share a life together. It takes place when partners are working closely together to nourish their relationship and each other.

The mistake that requires avoiding is that in not reaching the state of interdepend.

Often, people who are overachievers or likely to not need help may be prone to remaining an independent. These individuals may find that much of their life is devoted to areas outside of the relationship.

To avoid this mistake, take time to evaluate the following questions:

  • What is the number one priority in the relationship?
  • How many hours of the day are dedicated to relationship building?
  • At the end of the week do you feel your relationship is a priority?

The second mistake to avoid in your relationship is bad habits.

Bad or negative habits are noted in the following:

  • Using hurtful words
  • When the relationship is not a priority
  • Avoiding going on dates
  • Low Intimacy during the week
  • Lack of communication during the week
  • Sleeping in separate beds
  • Lashing out at each other


To address bad habits, take time to first understand what the bad habits are. As a relationship counselor, I encourage partners to write down the bad habits that are creating pain and hurting the relationship. Next positive habits that the relationship would favor.

Once you have the negative and positive habits, create a code word to address the negative habits from taking place. Here is a link to an article that discusses what a code word is and how it can save your relationship.

The positive habits are going to implement in your schedule. The goal is to utilize the positive habits during the week so that they transition to a sustainable habit. A positive habit.


Below is a video that addresses habits.

The last mistake to avoid in your relationship is not understanding each other’s needs.

One of my favorite books, that I honestly cannot stop talking about it is the 5 Love Languages. You haven’t read it, please do. In the book, you learn how to love your partner. Something that we often assume is easy to do.

Learning how to specifically love someone takes plenty of work. The book and the exercises that come with it, teach you how to speak your partners love language.

In my counseling practice, as a relationship counselor, I find that every successful relationship holds a key puzzle piece. That piece is the couples ability to understand each other’s needs.

Mistakes That Tear Relationships Apart

Juan Santos M.S., CRC, LPC

Mr. Juan Santos is a professional counselor, private practice consultant and book author who specializes in relationship stability and understanding separation indicators. He has conducted hundreds of couples counseling sessions. Mr. Santos is the creator of two successful relationship strengthening courses: "A Marriage Preparation Course: For Premarital Couples" and "The Relationship Building Course: For struggling couples". He is the author of the following self-help psychology books: Couples Workbook: Making Your Relationship Work; 100 Ways Married Men Can Remain Emotionally Connected; Life Without Stress, My Journal, and Parenting Education for Hispanic Families. Mr. Santos is the owner of Santos Counseling PLLC a counseling private practice located in Greensboro and Winston-Salem, NC. Mr. Santos is currently completing his doctoral studies at the University of the Cumberlands. He spends his time away from work with his family enjoying the great outdoors.

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APA Reference
Santos, J. (2018). Mistakes That Tear Relationships Apart. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 18, 2018, from


Last updated: 16 Apr 2018
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 16 Apr 2018
Published on All rights reserved.