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16 Tips To Help You Forgive

“How could he have done that?” “She should pay for her actions!” “I cannot let this go!” “How can I ever trust someone again?”

All of these thoughts and more can run through our minds and torment us after we’ve suffered an injustice by someone.

7 thoughts on “16 Tips To Help You Forgive

  • April 3, 2019 at 7:00 am

    Great article for sure! I recently read a meme that said something along the lines of: the hardest thing to do is forgive someone who you know you’ll never get an apology from.

    Then read a book about it and ultimately even though you know you will never get any recognition, let alone am apology, somehow and someway you’re supposed to find it in your own strength to forgive that person… because that will bring yourself peace.
    Because the forgiveness isn’t actually for them, but yet, actually for ourself. To bring peace to our heart.
    Initially, when I took that step that I didn’t know I even could – and forgave him without him even alive anymore… WOW. Such a gift to myself… Until it wasn’t. Then realized can’t EVER get that approval that I took that shit for. Plus he chose to give up and die because I wasn’t worth that fight in front of him anymore.

    So this article resonated with me as that’s been one of my personal biggest struggles. Even on his death bed I never got an apology or a kudos for “staying”… From when i was too young until I was way too old . And so what does one do with these double-edged-swords?! I guess time will tell.

  • April 3, 2019 at 7:22 am

    I just can’t. I guess I would rather suffer.

  • April 3, 2019 at 8:48 am

    Both of my parents were abusive alcoholics and both died at a fairly young age. About 3 years ago, I started going to Adult Children of Alcoholics meetings. As I looked at my childhood during these meetings, I developed a strong anger towards my deceased parents. However, over time, I started forgiving them. They were honest hard working people but both had severe problems that I did not (and still cannot) understand. They were very kind when sober. If they were alive today, I would want to hug them and tell them I love them.

    Since my ACOA meetings, I have developed more compassion for people with addiction issues. Addiction is a complicated disease and many times is the result of trauma in the addicts life.

    My personal definition of forgiveness is “letting go of the past”. It isn’t always easy, but it is the right thing to do.

  • April 3, 2019 at 7:11 pm

    I try to look at my own attitudes for what led me into this situation. I then see how the anger is affecting me. When you hate you lose self control and a position of strength.

  • April 6, 2019 at 4:16 pm

    My sister in law has wronged me three times. The last one was when she hurt my daughter’s feelings by bullying her. I have forgiven the first two offenses which were years ago but this last one is very hard. My mama bear came out and I think it hurt me more than my daughter. The thing is this, someday, I will have to see her at a family funeral. She did not come to the last one. How can I get through this when she hurts me over and over. I don’t want anything to do with her and it has changed my feeling about her husband, my brother too.

  • April 12, 2019 at 5:56 pm

    I wonder if we are simply making it too complicated. To be honest all of the above caveats seem to defeat the purpose of forgiving at all for me. If I am still angry, they do not acknowledge the harm done or continue harming, I do not want a relationship with them etc, why is “forgiveness”a necessary process or goal? Move on, live your life, do no harm. You can call that “forgiveness” but it isn’t really. Maybe it’s just optional and that is ok.

  • July 24, 2019 at 2:54 am

    All of the points in the article are true, not just in theory but in practice. I think I’ve experienced all of them at various times. I grew in a very emotionally abusive family, and the craziness has continued throughout adulthood. The amount of cruelty and hurt has been incredible. I’ve never been an instigator but I’ve made mistakes. I’ve had a lot to forgive in others and myself, and I’ve been working on forgiveness all my life, out of necessity, I suppose. Forgiveness truly is a beautiful thing. It’s maybe the most virtuous act of all. I think that’s why sometimes it’s just too much to ask. Sometimes we just can’t reach that high. But if we keep at it, we can get there. It cleanses the spirit, the mind and the heart. It does lift the burden off the one who’s been wronged, so, yes, we do it for ourselves, not just for others. And I would add that forgiveness can fade back into anger and pain, and you might have to forgive someone, or yourself, for the same thing more than once. Maybe many times throughout your life. But finding forgiveness in your heart again beats living with bitterness, anger and pain. I’m sure anyone who wants to forgive will find good steps to follow in this article.


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