7 thoughts on “How To Fix The Four Communication Styles That Predict Divorce

  • July 4, 2018 at 1:01 pm

    Thanks for the excellent advice. As founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network for parents I agree that these 4 behaviors are more likely to lead to a divorce which may have been preventable by using the skills you share.

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    • July 5, 2018 at 7:56 pm

      Yes, Rosalind, it’s really unfortunate how certain communication styles can damage a relationship which might otherwise work out.

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  • July 5, 2018 at 12:22 pm

    It’s unfortunate and disappointing that the only ultimate result/alternative to deficient (or, “dysfunctional”) communication between spouses is divorce. Many — possibly most — couples whose relationship suffers in this way stay together in a sort of co-dependent “purgatory”. When one partner, for example, is obsessed with dominant control of the other while maintaining an obtuse hypersensitivity to any and all [constructive] crticism, over-reacts to and misinterprets explanations as “being defensive” and perceives any and all frustration, irritation and [especially] anger as being personally directed at him/her; and if the alleged offender lacks sufficient communication aptitude/asseriveness, etc. … No: Divorce is NOT inevitable in cases of inadequate communication.

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    • July 5, 2018 at 7:57 pm

      You’re right, Donald – there is also the option of an emotionally distant relationship, although this usually isn’t satisfactory.

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  • July 5, 2018 at 7:52 pm

    Interesting. It seems all those styles reflect an underlying statement being made, which is, “We’re not in this together.”

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  • September 23, 2018 at 10:28 pm

    So…am I the only one who notices that you all of the stonewalling on the person reading this article? What am I supposed to do when he is the one stone walling me? When he doesn’t give a crap about fixing communication errors and blams everything on me. To the point ( he’s the master of manipulators) he plays the nice guy to everyone and in front of their eyes…is excellent at pushing my buttons to make it look like he is being nice and I’m losing my temper in front of everyone. In top of that I have border line personality disorder and grew up in an emotionally neglective family. Because of this all the reading I’ve done has said this is too blamefor the reason I don’t learn from my mistakes.*I’m also adhd and SO GULLIBLE and don’t see what he has done to me until it’s too late. I’m on disability and can’t possibly afford an apartment on 930 a month. We just got divorced and I should have received spousal maintenance according to the family code, but I couldn’t afford an a real attorney…she did NOTHING!!! he liquidated our account before filling. He lied his a**…in so many things…said I had guns all over the house. He’s the one with the license to carry and keeps a pistol on a book shelf in the living room. He also got physical custody of our son because I had to Iive in homeless shelters for the last year. He loves the saying plant a seed and watch it grow….he’smaking it look like I’m mean to everyone so my son will believe that I really am mean to everyone….and it’s nearly impossible to prove otherwise because I get mentally exhausted leaving the house to make and KEEP friends…part of my BPD…so I share too much of my life…trust the wrong people too quickly and mistrust the right people.then he says things to me to get me on the defensive so it looks like I’m the bad guy in front of other people. I’m the oldest of 2siblings…me and my sister. He’s the baby of 4…3 older sisters. He’s an expert at playing the game. What do I do? Now I’m living in the house with him again because I can’t support myself. I have horrible back pain issues, My mental health issues, gullibility, lack of social training and on top of all that the judge awarded him the almost$300 a month i was getting for my son because my attorney did NOTHING in fact told me to be as nice as possible at court not bad mouthing him because i would look bad…and that’s what I did I trusted her and now it’s too late and I can’t do anything about it except kiss a** to a person to talks bad about me and too me and said he will NEVER APOLOGISE FOR ANYTHING HE HAS EVER DONE TO ME OR WILL EVER DO IN THE FUTURE…I can’t even try the say good things about him to get him to come around because then I’m validating him as a good person to everyone…especially to our son. He doesn’t say ANYTHING NICE about me…EVER! I am so sure he’s grooming our son to only see the bad in me like he does me. He says I don’t do anything, but hew shift works so I’m the one with our son 24/7…i finally figured out what he mean. He means I don’t out and do anything fun. I struggle to keep the house clean with as bad as my back clean and yes i do depress the people around me, but you would too if you hurt this bad and can’t find any relif of any kind. Believe me I’ve been trying for years so it’s impossible for me to be this happy happy happy go lucky person he wants when I’m struggle to keep the tears away as it is…everything is ALWAYS ME FAULT…

    SO, how do I deal with a stone waller who really doesn’t care about me. I think it’s just he can control me…and stays in this relationship just for that reason. I fear when I start really showing my age and the sickness that comes with age he will leave me in shelters again so he doesn’t have to support me…and by making my son believe I’m such a mean person I won’t even have my son anymore either who is and had always been a momma’s boy. He already made sure i missed this entire last year with my son…but as son as I moved back in the house with both of us as full time parents our son was back to having me as his favorite. So you see I have a LOT of legitimate reasons to fear him

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