Addiction Recovery


True and meaningful intimacy is always based on a foundation of two romantic partners who allow each other into the inner depths of who they really are: Into me, see.

Still, many of us choose to hide behind a façade of who we aren't  because we are so afraid to let our partner know who we really are. We are sure that if he or she would get to know the real us, they would reject us.


Addiction Recovery

Let it Go, Let it Go…

Have you ever been told to just “let it go”? Many of us hear that from well meaning friends or family members trying to calm us down when we are upset or concerned. Heck, they may even sing you a song about it! We have often wondered what “let it go” really means (yes, we were wondering about this expression even before the song came out).

In a romantic relationship, partners often interpret “letting...


Is Your Relationship in Trouble?

It is generally safe to assume that something is amiss in your current romantic relationship if your thoughts, feelings, and desires leave your longing for a “real” romantic connection.

Many partners in a hurting romance will describe a sense of feeling lost. They wonder what could have happened to the closeness that they used to enjoy. “Could it be that we were young and immature and easily impressed by the excitement that came so spontaneously in our...

Addiction Recovery

Is There Any Romance in Your Romance?

Couples often tell us that they have lost the magical feeling they once knew in their relationship. They want to reclaim the romantic charge that they once shared during the early days of their relationship.

Most of us will recall those early years as emotionally challenging and spiritually draining but full of tremendous personal and romantic rewards. In the beginning we made a lot of mistakes, but our relationship was thrilling and alive....

Addiction Recovery

Three Steps to Emotionally Supporting Your Partner

Have you ever attempted to be helpful to a partner only to have your input rejected?

Some of the time the rejection we experience is overt and direct. At other times it is more covert and subtle. Our partner may smile and say “what a great idea!” but their body language or tone of voice may be indicating that they are rejecting us on the inside. Sometimes we were even accused of trying to “attack” our...

Addiction Recovery

Your Relationship Affects Your Children

Partners in a romance can and do affect the quality of their children’s lives. Whether your relationship is strong and in good health or floundering and in dysfunction, it is sure to have an impact.

Your loving care of each other can envelop and soothe your children. Alternatively, your arguing and discord will frighten and generate insecurity and instability for them. Your kids and family members can benefit from your happiness and...

Addiction Recovery

Live and Let Live

Many have suggested that this recovery slogan, Live and Let Live, seems to be advising romantic partners to stay on separate parallel tracks and avoid getting personally involved in each other’s recovery. We found out early in our own recovery how detrimental our separate recovery programs became for our own marriage. We became more emotionally and spiritually intimate with our respective sponsors and support groups than we were with each...

Addiction Recovery

“Don’t Cry Over Spilled Milk” & other non-effective coping strategies

You may remember growing up with clichés like “do not cry over spilled milk” or “the past is the past…you should not live in the past.”  Those rules for coping with feelings were prominent when pop music discouraged “big boys” from crying and hit movies suggested “love meant never having to say you are sorry.”  There were so many rules for how we should feel or act that it is no wonder so many of us...

Addiction Recovery

Is Your Relationship Worth Saving?

We typically encourage people embarking on a new romance to make a decision of complete commitment to their partner, a decision that from here on in, this is all there is. But are there no exceptions?

Many couples have come to us for marriage counseling with the goal in mind to “save the relationship.” They are full of doubt and fear and are somewhat suspect about the path we will lead them on in...

Addiction Recovery

Two Common Excuses for Dishonesty in a Romance

In recent articles we have introduced the importance of maintaining authenticity in our romantic relationships. In this article we will expand on the theme by exploring some of the excuses we use for not being open and honest with our partners - but first we offer two important disclaimers:

First, openness and authenticity does not give us a right to hurt people in the name of transparency. We must think about what we are saying,...