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Does Your Romance Pass the Test? – Part 1

A quick internet search of the term “romance magazines” will net you over 27 million hits. No surprise there. Romantic love, or the interest in it, has been big business for many years. When we refined the search to identify matches for “relationship tests” to see what the market for partners who are unsure of or insecure about their romantic love – we were surprised. Apparently, many people are insecure because the number of hits from that search topped 300 million.

We examined a few of the links and were not surprised to find a huge storehouse of magazines and book titles offering a survey that would help romantic partners define whether the love they feel is real and what the likelihood is of it lasting. Dating sites were not going to be outdone by the authors and academicians who proposed surveys that were credited for accurately assessing the reliability of a partner’s commitment to fidelity. Some of the dating sites and relationship tests claimed to be “state of the art”. We might have found something intriguing and new if we kept reviewing the links but we are over 60 years old and we calculated that we would probably not live long enough to try all the tests. While we are not sure what is meant by the claim, we are pretty sure that love tests have been around for a long time.

When we were teenagers, we all experimented with the deceptive tactics that we assumed would extract the truth from those we cared for. We were certain that the only way to uncover the feelings of a prospective romantic partner was to ask others or conduct field tests. We would ask a friend to find out whether or not the objects of our romantic interest were attracted to us. When there were no “reliable” sources of information, we would arrange tests that would attempt to evoke a jealous reaction, which would assure us of the person’s attraction to us. The relationships we acquired through these deceptive means seldom lasted, but that was all right because we were young.

Many of us have learned little from our youth. We continue to play games and test our partners’ love. The tests may be more sophisticated, but the outcomes are the same. The life expectancy of the relationship is shortened. Romantic tests are conducted when we expect to find flaws in our partner’s commitment. When we become insecure, we test again and again. We will eventually find flaws in any relationship. If flaws are what will send us running, we might as well remain alone. [1]

We are committed in this series of posts to help you to evaluate the depth of your relationship because the depth of our bond has been the best predictor of our ability to remain IN-volved.

John & Elaine



[1] One in the Spirit: A Meditation Course for Recovering Couples, John & Elaine Leadem, 2010©

Does Your Romance Pass the Test? – Part 1

John and Elaine Leadem

John and Elaine Leadem are licensed clinical social workers whose combined investment in the field of addiction treatment spans more than sixty years. Their commitment to helping recovering families has provided the core inspiration for the development of a "A Decision to Be IN Love"© which has helped many couples move from the traditional parallel model of recovery to strong united core support group. They are both certified Sex Addiction Therapist and have co-developed a model for treating couples during the crisis stage of recovery. In addition to being the co-directors of Leadem Counseling & Consulting Services, Elaine and John are seasoned therapeutic retreat leaders in working with recovering couples. As a team they have thus far co-authored three books:

In addition, John and Elaine are in the final stages of publishing their two latest masterpieces: Raising the Bottoms: A guide to training professional interventionists, and A Decision to Be IN Love: A therapist guide to treating couples recovering from addiction.

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APA Reference
Leadem, J. (2017). Does Your Romance Pass the Test? – Part 1. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 23, 2018, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/couples/2017/03/does-your-romance-pass-the-test-part-1/


Last updated: 27 Mar 2017
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 27 Mar 2017
Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.