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Finding True Love

True Love“True Love” – we see this expression used practically everywhere we look. So many of us have begged to experience just that in moments of our own romantic frustrations.

But what are we willing to give up to get true love? To this question we can already hear some of you retorting: “But true love should be unconditional! Why should I have to sacrifice for it?!”

That is a very good question. Our answer to that is because if we are guarded and shut down emotionally, if we are not willing to overcome our fear and risk vulnerability in our relationship, it is practically impossible to experience the joys that come from a deep and emotionally intimate relationship. It is the self disclosure of our inner selves that gives our romance the depth we seek. It is the essence of true intimacy.

Many couples, sometimes purposely and sometimes unknowingly, continue to keep entire parts of their pasts hidden from one another. We can tell our stories to complete strangers, but we are so afraid of rejection that we keep some parts of ourselves hidden from our most significant other.

So when we ask “what are you willing to give up for it?” we are not suggesting you make sacrifices but rather investments. Investments that ask you to let go of fear and be vulnerable and truthful with your partner. This level of truthfulness in a coupleship is not always easy to sustain. It can be very scary, especially at first. There may be rocky times ahead and even moments when you or your partner feels hurt or rejected because you have risked vulnerability and were truthful with each other. But the love that results from truth is “True Love”.


This article was written by John and Elaine Leadem.

Finding True Love

John and Elaine Leadem

John and Elaine Leadem are licensed clinical social workers whose combined investment in the field of addiction treatment spans more than sixty years. Their commitment to helping recovering families has provided the core inspiration for the development of a "A Decision to Be IN Love"© which has helped many couples move from the traditional parallel model of recovery to strong united core support group. They are both certified Sex Addiction Therapist and have co-developed a model for treating couples during the crisis stage of recovery. In addition to being the co-directors of Leadem Counseling & Consulting Services, Elaine and John are seasoned therapeutic retreat leaders in working with recovering couples. As a team they have thus far co-authored three books:

In addition, John and Elaine are in the final stages of publishing their two latest masterpieces: Raising the Bottoms: A guide to training professional interventionists, and A Decision to Be IN Love: A therapist guide to treating couples recovering from addiction.

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APA Reference
Leadem, J. (2016). Finding True Love. Psych Central. Retrieved on July 17, 2018, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/couples/2016/09/finding-true-love/


Last updated: 13 Sep 2016
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 13 Sep 2016
Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.