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You Are Responsible for the Quality of Your Own Life

physical-emotional-spiritualAs a culture we seem to be gaining more and more awareness of the benefits of “self care” as a crucial ingredient for peace of mind and wholesome living. In successful romantic relationships this is especially important. In successful romantic relationships self care is more than an ideal, it is a must.

Each partner in a romance need to be taking individual care of their respective physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. The term “self-care” is widely used to refer to activities, practices and attitudes that are engaged in on a regular basis to maintain and enhance a person’s health and emotional well-being. This is the same sense in which we use it here.

exercise-mainThe activities of self-care cover a broad spectrum of behaviors ranging from activities for daily living like eating, bathing and grooming to a myriad of strategies for improving everything from personal health and nutrition to enhancing spiritual well-being.

In order to construct a self-care plan plan that promotes both personal and romantic health both you and your partner will need to assume personal responsibility for the quality of your individual lives. Taking responsibility for the quality of your own life means challenging the urge to avoid, or to run from, problems and conflicts that develop. Simple but not easy, as they say.

There are two major challenges involved in taking responsibility for our emotional wellbeing:

  1. First, we must stop blaming other people, circumstances and events for our own happiness.
  2. Second, and perhaps deserving of the number one position, we must face conflicts in a timely fashion and avoid running unless our lives are in danger.

meditationThese two challenges are sure to keep us from looking at our own lives and assessing how well we are maintaining our personal emotional, physical, and spiritual wellbeing. It is so easy to play the Blame Game and shirk responsibility, but we are not helpless.

Every person can take responsibility for addressing their own discomfort and making decisions about the quality of their romance. Self Care is an essential building block for a couple’s decision to be “IN Love.” Neglecting to take responsibility for the quality of our own life will inevitably get in the way of that love.

As we said, this may sound simple but we are well aware that this is not easy. For many of us this means a complete change of how we address our relationship conflict and emotional wellbeing. We would love to hear from you, our readers, about some of your experiences with self care and with taking responsibility for the quality of your own life. Please click >HERE< to leave us a comment or a question.


This article was written by John and Elaine Leadem.

You Are Responsible for the Quality of Your Own Life

John and Elaine Leadem

John and Elaine Leadem are licensed clinical social workers whose combined investment in the field of addiction treatment spans more than sixty years. Their commitment to helping recovering families has provided the core inspiration for the development of a "A Decision to Be IN Love"© which has helped many couples move from the traditional parallel model of recovery to strong united core support group. They are both certified Sex Addiction Therapist and have co-developed a model for treating couples during the crisis stage of recovery. In addition to being the co-directors of Leadem Counseling & Consulting Services, Elaine and John are seasoned therapeutic retreat leaders in working with recovering couples. As a team they have thus far co-authored three books:

In addition, John and Elaine are in the final stages of publishing their two latest masterpieces: Raising the Bottoms: A guide to training professional interventionists, and A Decision to Be IN Love: A therapist guide to treating couples recovering from addiction.

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APA Reference
Leadem, J. (2015). You Are Responsible for the Quality of Your Own Life. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 22, 2019, from


Last updated: 3 Nov 2015
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 3 Nov 2015
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