6 thoughts on “Out of Sight ~ But Not Entirely Out of Mind…

  • March 7, 2011 at 3:56 pm

    you really are the bionic woman….your bluetooth ear piece sounds pretty damn cool. no pun intended. glad to hear you can hear again! what a weight off your shoulders.

    we have such high standards for ourselves, don’t we? all i can feel when i read your blog and the details of your schedule and responsibilities is admiration…..and yet, you feel you are not ‘enough’. teaching enough, blogging enough, teaching well enough, therapy-ing enough, the list goes on and on. i recognize it in myself. and it’s a pressure that’s unrelenting. good enough – that’s what we need to be!

    • March 7, 2011 at 4:46 pm

      Dear, dearest, sweet Julie…

      You are so right. First, I’m so happy you commented. I was beginning to fear that I was losing our community. And you chimed in… how wonderful.

      Yes, my Bluetooth is cool. I wear it around my neck. It looks like a little iPhone, but it’s not only a Bluetooth device, it’s also a remote for my hearing aids.

      Which reminds me, I am going to turn on my Zen rhythms. They are so relaxing. Hmmmmm.

      Now then…

      As for our “high standards” and constantly feeling that we’re not “good enough”… you know I have always tried to prove to myself that I’m good enough, though I never really consciously realised this until recently.

      More than proving to myself, I was and do try to prove to certain others who will go unnamed, that I’m good enough ~ though I will never succeed. They need to see me as “less than…” I love Temple Grandin’s line… “Different does not mean less.”

      And then there’s this blasted “them and us” business that gets me every time.

      Actually, we’re all “us” and there is no “them.” We’re all different, special, and unique. Not the same, but equal. Right?

      By the way, I’ve re-named myself ~ now I’m an “emotional health advocate,” because our emotions drive the way we think and perceive and even act. Or act out.

      I don’t like the other word. We’re all “mental” because we all think and it’s a toxic word for me. I was name-called as a kid. “Mental” was one of those words. It hurts me so I’m going to post about this.

      Anyway, back to “good enough.” Julie, I have a confession to make. You know every time I use my debit card I love to see the word “Approved” pop up on that little debit machine. I feel so good. I’ve longed all my life for “approval” and the digital variety is such a great little boost for me. If you cannot get approval from people, at least you can enjoy it from a machine, right?

      Crazy? You bet. I love you and I think you’re amazing. Far better than good “enough”… and it’s that “enough” that’s so problematic for me.

      Don’t you long to be better than “enough”? Perfectionism. But… I’m working on it. Hope all your thesis writing is going well and your ankle is healing nicely.

      I am so grateful for your comment. You are such a vital member of our little Coming Out Crazy community.

      Sending hugs and now I must get back to my lesson planning.


  • March 9, 2011 at 6:04 pm

    oh, i look for approval too. lots and lots of it. in a far more complex way than i’m willing to admit in such a public forum. perhaps in private some day.

    my thesis is going extremely well – my first draft received almost unconditional approval with no major revisions required. just a few additions and subtractions and some typos. amazing! i’m just waiting for final approval from my advisor and then i am DONE. DONE DONE DONE.

    • March 10, 2011 at 5:52 pm

      Hi, Julie…

      I think we all look for approval all the time. We just don’t talk about it.

      Who goes through life, through a day, without needing approval.

      I want to reach the stage where I approve of myself. Where I don’t need the outside approval. But, listen. The library, where I am now, is closing in a few minutes. So I’m afraid I have to cut this short. I’m all for discussing my needs for approval publicly, but that’s me. Coming Out Crazy is my natural mode. I find it very liberating. But that’s me. We are all so different. I’m not a private person at all. I like being completely out there. I find people leave you alone when they know there’s nothing they don’t know or cannot ask. It’s a curious paradox, but it works for me.

      As for your thesis, Good On You, Julie.

      Unconditional approval. Is that like Unconditional love? 🙂

      When do you expect to finish? Do you have an ETA?

      We have to celebrate, Julie.

      I am so amazed and so proud of you. You really seemed to race through it, considering where you were a year ago. Think about that!!!

      Hugs, the doors are closing and the lights are dimming and I have to get out of here.

      Let’s speak soon….


  • March 11, 2011 at 12:16 pm

    Hi Sandy,

    WOW … I’m tired just reading about what you’ve been going through since you and I first met at the WCDR Breakfast in February. The travelling back and forth would flatten me, and I can’t begin to imagine what adjusting to these new bionic hearing aids (Bluetooth yet) must be doing to your energy, even YOUR IMPRESSIVE ENERGY LEVELS!

    And me? What am I up to? Three weeks at our place in Fort Myers, trying to do myself proud and REALLY relax even while filled with dread about the wintery weather that’s going to greet us on Sunday when we fly home. (Note to self: Stock up on Vitamin D … no S.A.D. down here.)

    Oh, and I dropped kicked my laptop on the trip down here. Although able to successfully back up the data, the unit is done! All my great plans to write/right while here went right down the tubes.
    I’ve been begging and borrowing snippets of time on other machines as they are available. I thought I’d be more stressed out by the lack of regular writing … NAH … but man oh man do I miss the blogging! I’d pretty much hit the ‘writing wall’ before I left Canada – even the 5 minute read at WCDR didn’t inspire me to get back to the writing. I have so many (crappy) drafts of stuff it’s going to be painful to try and resuscitate them … perhaps the ‘delete’ key?

    Be kind and gentle with you! I’m looking forward to reading more of your posts soon as/whenever you’re ready to write them.


  • March 11, 2011 at 6:22 pm

    i expect to finish any day now. i am waiting for final approval on my thesis from my advisor and then i just have to submit one bound copy to my department for all the paperwork. it is pretty incredible because yes – this time last year i wasn’t sure if i was ever going to return to school at all. and here i am.

    we sure do have to celebrate!


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