Comments on
The Gut Issue…

So, on Monday, whilst sitting in Dr. Bob’s office, I was feeling utterly overwhelmed.

I have this harassing disconnect between what I know versus what I feel.

15 thoughts on “The Gut Issue…

  • February 2, 2011 at 5:20 pm

    sandy, it truly amazes me that you think your blog is not ‘good enough’, or indeed, any facet of your life is not good enough. i cannot speak to the rest of your life, but your blog is simply marvelous. always. and i know, you are not fishing for compliments, and even if you were, it wouldn’t make a difference in your *gut* feeling of yourself. but just know two things, from where i sit.

    1. i don’t offer compliments blindly, or without thinking them through, or because ‘i’m just saying that’. i say them because i mean them. so your blog is fantastic. you can choose to believe that, or not, but i know it to be true.

    2. see #1 🙂

    on a slightly different note – have you ever thought about trying emdr? my therapist wants to do it with me, when i am ready (aka once i’m done with the weight/pressure of school). and i’ve been reading up on it, a lot, and it really seems to help. especially with those v old, limiting, ‘stuck’ things we struggle with. like feeling ‘not good enough’ – a struggle that i wage frequently myself. i’m just curious enough to give it a try, because what’s the harm in at least trying it?

  • February 2, 2011 at 5:35 pm

    Dear Sandy,

    Great and heartfelt post. Hits nerve with me- all the “am I good enough” stuff and internalizing labels.
    We are all a work in progress eh? I have done so much work on myself and I can now look back and be happy of my path however those old messages, labels and the “am I good enough”? still emerge. Frequently.

    When I get stuck I use Cognitive Behavioural Therapy to adjust my thinking. I also draw. For me, it helps.

    And your blog? It’s WONDERFUL, it rocks!!! Of that you should have no doubt 🙂

    Best, Kate

  • February 2, 2011 at 6:20 pm

    As always, believe in the importance of YOUR story, because I guarantee, it’s someone else’s story as well. And they need you to tell it. 🙂

    • February 3, 2011 at 12:56 am

      Heartfelt thanks, dearest Jessica…

      I really made a dumb mistake, which doesn’t make me feel very good right now, but I’ll keep your kind words of encouragement in mind.

      Just remember what an idiot I am when read my most recent post.

      Eating “crow” ~ is that what they call this?

      Well, that’s what I’m doing right now and I’m going to go to bed.

      It’s very late. And I’m teaching tomorrow.

      Sleep tight.


  • February 3, 2011 at 1:01 am

    Thank you, Julie and Kate…

    Please forgive me for this joint response to your kind words, but I’m so tired and I completely forgot to respond to either of you.

    I really do not know what emdr is or how it works, but I’ll look it up and yes, my psychiatrist does use Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. He’s pretty eclectic.

    Right now, though, I don’t know whether I’m coming or going and on that note, I’m going to go to sleep.

    xoxo to you both.

    You are so kind.

    After my last blunder, I’ll try to keep your kind thoughts in mind.


  • February 3, 2011 at 2:56 am

    Therapy is exhausting. I hope you’ll feel better soon.

    • February 3, 2011 at 9:45 am

      Thank you, Jessika. You’re right. I hope so, too.


  • February 3, 2011 at 10:36 am


    do you ever notice a tree in nature all twisted with branches not always growing in perfect form and you notice that even in it’s twisted non-perfect form you say to yourself “That’s a beautiful tree.” Maybe because it isn’t perfect we appreciate it’s efforts to just be a tree. Somewhere in it’s growing with the winds and winter beating it down and such Mother Nature came along and said “It’s good enough”. And even though it may not be perfect it is still an excellent tree because it still performs to it’s purpose.

    I know it’s not easy to think that we are not good enough – one little comment seems to trigger us into a world of hurt. Please read Emotional Alchemy – I think you will find it helpful.

    I have backed away, considerably, from the perfectionist that I once was. I strive for excellence but really, who has the friggin time for perfection? You get to the point where you say “that’s good enough” and it is.

    Remember no one else can see what you think is not perfect.

    Try saying to yourself through the day – whenever you finish something “that’s good enough” and in saying that your brain will start to listen and eventually it will believe it too. When you finish writing your blog – as you post it. “That’s good enough”, When you finish eating – that’s good enough. When you put down a book that you wanted to finish reading but couldn’t – That’s good enough. What ever you do – finish it with that’s good enough. I started doing that in business because it was getting too expensive in time to try to get something perfect that would never be noticed anyway. So now when I see someone spending too much time in one area doing something I say “that’s good enough” why don’t we start on something else. When I bake a pie – and I make great pies – and the crust isn’t magazine perfect – it’s good enough to eat and that’s what counts – again who has time to re-roll a pastry just for that perfect look – we only cut the thing with a knife anyway and there goes the perfect looking pie – so all the effort for perfection was for what?

    So I will finish this because it’s good enough.

  • February 3, 2011 at 11:42 am

    Okay, I’m back.

    I was just sitting in the kitchen enjoying the sun beaming through the window while I ate my breakfast and I was thinking about your head tapes. Well, yours and mine and I was getting a little ticked off. So, I had to write to tell you why.

    I think it’s time, Sandy, for not only you, but me as well to tell the voices on those tapes to pack their bags and get the hell out. It’s time to get angry enough, pissed off enough to say to them ENOUGH ALREADY! Truly, it is time to send them packing. The best way to do this? Think about the person who put the tape in your head in the first place? Are they perfect? Hell no! What is there issues that caused them to say what they said? What was their hidden agenda? Do they remember saying it? Do they know the damage they have caused? Again, no. So why are we beating ourselves up with their crap?

    New game plan, Sandy, when you hear that tape either rewrite it to play someting good or tell it that you are tired of it’s lies and refuse to listen to it anymore. You, and I, deserve better. We all deserve better because we are good enough, we are perfect in the eyes of nature – even with our twisted, broken branches, we are perfectly comprised with all the right DNA and if we step back and look objectively we are all perfect even with all of our flaws and that’s good enough.
    Have a perfectly sunny day – because that’s good enough for me!

    • February 3, 2011 at 6:56 pm


      You are so smart. So right. So determined. I am going to try. Honestly. It was a beautiful and sunny, bright, brilliant day. I spent it here, preparing my classes. And responding to extraordinary comments, like yours. And out, walking my dogs. But on the interior, I was falling apart. And you know why. I am so happy to know you and to be on your team.

      I will try, but the tapes haven’t been the problem this week. Idioms, have been my problem and now I’m catching up with my correspondence.

      Hugs, Sheila…

      Here’s to rewriting the tapes.


  • February 4, 2011 at 8:27 am

    One night, during a very dark moment in my life, I was thinking,(with tears rolling down my face) if I could just be perfect enough then “they” would love me. At that moment it dawned on me that no matter how perfect I was it wasn’t going to change how “they” felt about me. I began to let go of being perfect. We have to love ourselves, Sandy, and in that we will know that we are good enough and to hell with everyone else’s opinion.

    As always,easier said than done, but that is where I started.

  • February 5, 2011 at 3:27 pm

    A few comments. The metaphors interest me as a writer: tapes and records being obsolete, can you, Sandy as another writer, consider ditching them altogether? Is it worth conceiving of not being able to hear them anymore? No more turntable, no more tape player?

    Also, EMDR perhaps worth investigating. Having used it myself for two different situations, my understanding and experience is that it is most effective for single-event trauma that has had lasting negative effects. But I’m no expert, that’s for sure.

    • February 5, 2011 at 3:45 pm

      Of course, I’ll ditch those terms, Jemo.

      I’ll try to find something else. Another term. A new metaphor. And I’ll speak to my psychiatrist about EMDR, though I do not have a single event trauma to deal with, but rather a lifetime of conditioning that I must change within myself. No one else is going to change for me. I’m 62 and that conditioning is pretty deeply ingrained and still reinforced by a lot of people in my life. They’re invested in it. They need it. I’m working on it. It’s going to take some time. I hope my language hasn’t upset you.

      Thanks, and by the way, everyone is an expert on their own lives. 😉

      The best expert. The only real expert.


  • March 9, 2011 at 11:24 am

    Hi Sandy;

    I heard you speak at the Seneca Workshop on Study Week. You were so inspiring to me.

    I read one of your blogs about past issues replaying on your mind. I have also had problems with this. I grew up with Learning Difficulties and it has taken me a long time to like myself. One thing I do for the replays on issues is to try to recognize the replay and evaluate how to handle the next time it arises. Then the next time I have a plan that might work and it starts another cell in my brain that is positive and one I can use again instead of the old way of handling it. This has worked for me and has given me some self confidence. I find that I do some of the things you spoke about at the Workshop by asking myself questions on why I feel the way I do about certain
    issues I have. You need to do better and try harder just may be holding you back from just being you and YOU are a dynamic person who changes other humans lifes. WOW you are my hero.

    Judy Rowe

    • March 10, 2011 at 4:56 pm

      Hi Judy,

      Please forgive me for not writing sooner but at home I HAVE NO INTERNET CONNECTION!!!

      So here I sit, in a quiet office in the Markham Campus’ Centre for Faculty and Staff Development. I’ve just finished teaching my Thursday Leadership in Society class.

      Your comment couldn’t have arrived at a better time. What a joy it is to read on this miserable rainy, grey day. Timing is everything and I was feeling so frustrated. I need to print your comment and think about what you’re saying very carefully. My brain is rather delicate at the moment. Being out of synch with the world ~ with no email, no internet at all, no digital connection is a shock to the system. You know, I teach an online course. How do you do that without an Internet connection.

      I have no idea when this is going to be fixed.

      But in the meantime, back the ideas you express. It’s horrendous not liking yourself, isn’t it? Looking in the mirror or at your reflection, or worse still, dreading passing windows on the street and catching a glimpse of yourself. Looking inside is the most frightening. My insides are quite a mess.

      So, it’s not just the way you look, but what you represent to yourself. How you feel. It’s the feelings that are everything. The emotions. They’re the key.

      It has taken me years and years of therapy to get to the stage I am now, and even now, I’m uncertain about how I feel about who I am. Today, I had a melt-down here for Faculty and Staff Development because I’m so frustrated. I don’t feel very valued here.

      I may seem dynamic to you, but I don’t feel dynamic to me. Rather, I think you are the dynamic one.

      What guts and courage you have to write here, using your real name and your Seneca email address talking openly about your personal emotional life. You are the first person, since I spoke last week at Seneca and then in Charlottetown and then back here at Holy Blossom Temple to be so candid, in print and online. Opening up as you have, is proof positive, that perhaps my little lecture had a tangible impact.

      Thank you, Judy. I feel I know you. I know I must.

      Let’s try to connect.

      You know how to find me. Perhaps we can share a cup of coffee soon.

      I would like to thank you personally for your courage. For finding me when you did.



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