2 thoughts on “Don’t Believe Everything You Feel ~ Especially During the Holidays…

  • December 25, 2010 at 12:34 pm

    Eating in family is surrounded by assumptions and guilt. At x-mas celebrations an aunt would count the number of sausages to announce that we’d get 3 each. Over time I realised that food and eating, in a family wrapped in general chaos, was a matter of being able to control my own environment.
    I can’t really diet, god knows I’ve tried, but I turn manic (even on meds) very fast. The last time, which will truly be my very last time, I grew an enormous amount of anxiety over anything I ate. A lettuce leaf would push me into incessant activity.

    I feel better now about food. The first time I actively realised that the overeating had gone, I was surprised. Still, the mania is not worth weight loss even though a rather ignorant doctor suggested it recently. Only to have my psychiatrist refute it with VIGOUR. Do Not Change Anything. A good advice.

    • December 25, 2010 at 3:09 pm

      Dear Jessika…

      I agree, eating surrounded by family is an emotionally charged minefield. So many eyes. Watching. At least in my family. E

      Eating, itself, is an emotional issue.

      Last week, I asked Dr. Bob, my psychiatrist, how he managed to spend two weeks on a French Caribbean island and remain slim. He never seems to budge and is a constant slim. He said he weighs himself once a week. If he’s up, then he watches for a week until he returns to “his optimal normal” whatever that is. Like my husband. Neither have a history of yo-yo dieting and their families didn’t gauge their value by their weight. On the other hand, I felt that if I wasn’t thin, I was not acceptable. How would you feel if people constantly said, “Oh, you’ve lost weight. You look great.” Now there’s a loaded couple of statements. The obvious assumption that if you haven’t lost weight, you look like a dog’s breakfast. You’re dirt. You’re useless.

      So, I have by association I guess adopted that value system for myself. You have managed to overcome it. For very different reasons. Obsessiveness, though, comes in many colours. As does perfectionism. I, too, tend to stop eating when I’m manic. But I have the mania under control, so the starvation I’ve experienced lately is rooted is anger. At what happened to me and what was done to me and why. That’s a book I’ll write one day when the time is right. Not now. Now, I just live with food every day and walk my dog fast for 45 minutes at a time two or three times a day. And I write down every morsel that goes into my mouth.

      Your psychiatrist, like mine, seems like a very positive force in your life.

      I also choose my family, Jessika. Tonight, we’re dining with my closest friend who adores us no matter what we look like. Most people who we love don’t see us as we do. They’re not mirrors. They’re humane. They have x-ray vision. They see our souls.

      Do not change anything. Unless YOU want to change something.

      Then be gentle with yourself.

      Empathize with yourself, just as you would with a friend you adore.

      You’re worth it, dear friend.

      Have a good day. And thank you so much for sharing your insights. You’re fascinating.



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