You only learn from your mistakes (rarely from what you do right) and this is one mistake that was relatively minor. No one was hurt. Physically.
Bruised egos notwithstanding.
Not only do you have to be doubly careful in the kind of snow and slush we’re having this January, more than we’ve had in quite a few winters. It’s easy to forget how cars behave under these conditions. It takes practice. It’s easy to forget.
There’s a metaphor here for our physical, spiritual and mental well-being…
As much as I like to contemplate perfection and in many ways my husband fits the bill for me ~ we are, alas, human. Fraught with frailties and weaknesses. I think it’s a healthy to work on those weaknesses, to be aware of them, to constantly try to strengthen them. That’s what all my work with Dr. Bob over these past 20 or so years is all about.
Making the same mistake repeatedly, out of habit, can pose a problem.
That’s where conscious change-making comes in…
You can change your habits ~ though it’s never easy ~ if you’re willing to face them head on. Closely examine them. That’s what I’ve been doing in my psychotherapy for years.
So, today, I insisted that Marty face his and take our cute little rented Mazda Yariz 3 out to do some errands, when the snow was even more prolific than it was yesterday. Nothing like getting up and back in the saddle again. I wanted him to start to rebuild the confidence he lost yesterday and heal the wounds I inflicted upon him verbally.
It’s been a difficult couple of days, but lots of talking has taught us to be more open-minded and flexible…
For example, Marty finally agreed that I’m doing the driving from now on when we’re both in the car together. This old argument has now been resolved.
And Marty is, I’m sure, going to learn to be a better driver.
Our relationship is still rock solid, probably more so, because we talked about all these different facets and repercussions of this little “accident” that occurred yesterday.
I’m feeling much better.
Wait a sec. I’m going to check with Marty. He’s upstairs relaxing. I’ll give him a call…
“Sure,” he just said, after I read to him what I’ve just written…
Although admittedly, he’s not thrilled with me writing all this ~ he’s a little more private than I am ~ at the same time, and I love him so much for this, among a million other things, he knows how honest and candid I am and he respects that.
So, there you have it… a window into the landscape of our marriage. It’s rocky at times.
(All real and sustainable marriages/relationships are, I suspect. They’re honest. By the way, we have a highly self-expansive relationship, too. I took the quiz from last week’s New York Sunday Times and now you can take it here on Psych Central. I urge you to read the story that goes with it, first.)
And you know why our marriage can be bumpy at times ~ primarily ~ and still sustainable?
Because I’m not easy. (Surely, that won’t surprise you.) But I think I’m interesting. Almost as interesting, no, fascinating as Marty is… and he never fails to make me laugh.
Most important, though, is that Marty loves me unconditionally as I do him ~ and neither of us stays angry for more than a minute or too. Really.