2 thoughts on “Are Unspoken Family Rules Running Your Life?

  • September 30, 2015 at 7:55 pm

    You have very interesting topics. Never thought too much about family rules before, at least like this. And I know I was emotionally neglected, mostly because that my brother took up a lot of time as well as my parents were fairly emotionally neglected.
    I copied your list and made notes on the ones that seemed most important to me, both as not valid and those that were very valid.

    Don’t outshine others in the family. My brother took a lot of time and energy. Not sure I was even considered but I helped everyone.
    Certain things must be kept a secret from everyone outside of the family. Again, no one told us.
    Your friends will betray you. No. Friends were a valuable part or our life.
    If we don’t acknowledge it, it’s not real. With emotions, yes. Those were excused away.
    The family comes first. That’s there somewhere but not sure where or why, except we had no close relatives besides our grandparents.
    Wanting something is selfish. No. I could get little things easily. If I really wanted something, I had to get the money for it. But my parents would buy it for me first. (Even my first horse!)
    Don’t ask questions. No. But answer was usually: “we have a book”
    Don’t talk. We were encouraged to have adult type talk of all subjects.
    Negative emotion is harmful to those around you. Only anger was acceptable.
    Don’t talk about anything meaningful. Wrong – mostly. But never knew what would set Bill or Dad off.
    Don’t rock the boat. HA! It was always “Think for yourself. Don’t follow the crowd.” It was pretty easy for me. I was the outcast at school.
    Don’t make noise. Another HA. With BILL?????
    Keep your problems to yourself. That was mostly unsaid for me. But some problems were discussed and addressed. Much of the “We have a book and part of this did give me trouble in school of asking questions. Much easier to find them myself.

    Reply
  • November 10, 2015 at 6:19 pm

    I’ve just read your website and nothing has ever rung more true for me.

    Reply
 

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