8 thoughts on “How to NOT Emotionally Neglect Your Child

  • September 13, 2015 at 11:52 am

    Instead of ‘perfect parent’ maybe ‘reasonable parent’ may have been a better header for that column. minor quibble in a useful and helpful blog.

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    • September 13, 2015 at 2:51 pm

      I was thinking the same thing. Or maybe “What We All Say” and “The Better Approach.” I like the idea, but putting a “perfect” label on it doesn’t seem productive to me.

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      • September 13, 2015 at 3:08 pm

        The reason I titled it “Perfect” is because I think that parents have enough guilt to deal with, and I want it to be clear that none of us is perfect. But we don’t have to be. All we have to do is try. However, since it’s bothering readers, I’ll change it! Thanks for your comments.

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  • September 15, 2015 at 9:22 pm

    wow i really wish my parents had read this when they had me. they always expected me to meet a plethora of unatainable behavioral expectations, things that conflicted between the two of them. for example, dad wanted me to lose weight and get perfect straight As, while mom was too afraid of the chance that my mild-moderate asthma would flare that she would never let me participate in physical activities, and was too preoccupied with policing my health to get me to school on time. meanwhile, i was expected to be passive and happy and never, ever be upset.

    a lot of their emotional neglect and abuse could be summed up as “you will behave the way i tell you to”, “you will feel the way i tell you to” and “any negative unapproved feelings you have are not valid”

    but hey, they didnt mean to neglect/abuse me, so i’d better behave and feel the way they want me to.

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  • September 16, 2015 at 5:32 pm

    Thank you for this clear informative article. I do at times feel overwhelmed by my children’s stronge emotions. Would like improve the family tradition.

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  • September 17, 2015 at 5:25 am

    LOVE IT!

    Great prep for people like me who plan on having kids one day. Thanks.

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  • September 23, 2015 at 9:42 am

    I feel like my spouse and I are actually doing a good job at using most of the suggested phrases already. I do struggle with bed time though. My four-year-old son often says he’s scared and says he wants us to stay with him until he falls asleep. I don’t believe this would be helpful for anyone – I don’t want him to depend on us to fall asleep. But when I read the line “You need to deal with this alone.”, I felt a pang of guilt! We always go see him when he calls to us from his bed, reassure him there is nothing to worry about and then leave his room. Should we be doing things differently? Thanks 🙂

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    • September 18, 2016 at 11:34 am

      I know your question is long past now and am sure you figured out what works for your child. I just wanted to point out that saying “there’s nothing to be afraid of” is one of the no no comments she mentions. By saying there’s nothing to be afraid of negates the child’s feeling afraid and tells him he’s wrong to feel that way.

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