4 thoughts on “A Secret Cause & Cure for the Socially Anxious

  • February 11, 2015 at 10:29 am

    No. It’s not just a feeling. It doesn’t go away by accepting it. It’s a learned deficit and warning. The neglected child doesn’t learn basic interpersonal skills and self esteem so they have a deficit in social skills until it’s fixed. The void where other people have warning signals, red flags, etc that key them into healthy relationships causes chronic conflict and eventually people detach. The only real solution is to find that source of external validation and mirroring to heal the damage. Genuine self awareness and esteem allows healthy social skills and the problem can resolve. The important thing is to not dismiss this unspoken genuine problem by telling the person it’s all in their head so they feel even less confident about the legitimacy of their inner conflict.

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    • February 11, 2015 at 12:28 pm

      >> No. It’s not just a feeling. <<

      Totally agree. When peers conspire to ostracise you by routinely excluding and publicly ridiculing you, or when female co-workers who don't like having you around to such an extent that they conspire to get you sacked by falsely accusing you of lewd conduct, the belief that you don't fit in isn't just a feeling, it's a feeling with a very real basis in reality.

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      • September 13, 2015 at 9:48 pm

        I think maybe this article isn’t talking about your situation. This is more about someone like me. I’m not ostracized by anyone but myself. On paper I’m a great party guest and should have plenty of friends, but I feel like I’m an outsider and that is all that truly makes me one. My sense of isolation and unfounded fear of rejection makes me seem cold to people I don’t know well, but when I can get myself to open up it is reciprocated. It is very much a feeling within myself.

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  • February 24, 2015 at 9:52 am

    wow! a lot of this really spoke to me and help me feel more connected since its obvious I’m not the only one with these feelings. Of course I already knew this, the article just clarified it! I do often fear that I’m slowly “disappearing”, building walls up around myself that I can neither escape nor can anyone enter. Also, yes, sorta on line with the other comments ; its easier said than done. I am fully aware that feelings are just feelings. Though they feel very real when in the muck of it and are really hard to combat. The fight gets really old after a while. When in a crowd, there are so many different energies it causes the feeling of overwhelmed… But i will continue to remind myself as i already have been, what the value is of others opinions about me(not highly valued,this helps ease some anxiety).Cause unfortunately I do feel I am missing a link and at times just give up on connecting. Its just the battle of myself i must win! Tear down the walls!!

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