16 thoughts on “Use This 4 Step Technique to Decide if You Can Trust Your Feelings or Not

  • August 25, 2019 at 4:38 pm

    Bodily discomfort or outright pain can be a portal into your neglected emotional life. It’s impossible for many of us neglected souls to even feel what we are emotionally feeling in the moment let alone describe it. But physical pain? It’s right there and a in few quiet moments, or a therapists or loved one’s inquiry, or awareness from a meditation app and it all comes to fore.

    Recognizing your bodily pain or discomfort is also a socially acceptable way to let the world know how you feel so you can connect and feel validated for the moment. By saying “My stomach hurts.” you get immediate the acknowledgement that you are not alone and sometimes that is enough. Everyone’s stomach has hurt at one time.

    My mom was one of the cruelest most narcissistic people I ever knew but sometimes she would honestly say “I’m so tired” to no one in particular. Even as a child I felt the portal open for a brief moment.

    Of course the underlying cause of the pain, if it is not physiological, is psychological and then needs to walked through with someone trained in the murky world of emotions.

    • August 25, 2019 at 10:54 pm

      Yes, emotions are literally bodily sensations. No doubt expressing it as a stomach ache or tiredness is better than ignoring it all together. But I encourage everyone reading this to try to put some emotion word labels on their feelings. Thanks for sharing this!

  • August 25, 2019 at 5:59 pm

    Bingo. Step #3. I remember a visit to my mother at age 50-ish. She was doing this thing that she often did and that caused absolute terror to me as a child, and sent me into a frenzy of effort to please her. Six years old. I recognized not any specific event, but that terror and my reaction to it from when I was six years old. As soon as I recognized that feeling for what it was, I felt anger at her, not for my 50 year old self, but for that six year old me. That was when I began to really understand the truth about our relationship.

    • August 25, 2019 at 11:04 pm

      Thank you for sharing that inspiring story that describes exactly how emotions work. Great example!

  • August 25, 2019 at 7:59 pm

    I’ve read both books; wonderful. Anything particular for people in their mid seventies? I think I grew up fairly well because of the kindness of neighbors and later, near strangers.

    • August 25, 2019 at 11:05 pm

      Just keep learning! For the emotionally neglected learning how to recognize, identify and use our feelings is a lifelong process of discovery and growth.

  • August 26, 2019 at 1:19 am

    I have pushed my feelings so deep that I am not sure I can access them easily. Any idea on how I can attempt to bring them to the forefront of my brain??

    • August 26, 2019 at 1:21 pm

      Dear Valerie, please see the Identifying & Naming Exercise in my book, Running On Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect. I designed it for that very purpose and it works very well.

  • August 26, 2019 at 2:27 pm

    I’m not sure how to use this one: Second, imagine a friend telling you this story: “This happened and I feel this way.” What would you tell your friend? Would you perceive your friend’s feelings are off, excessive, or wrong?

    I have always glossed over feelings, and this one seems to give me a reason to ignore my feelings as “no big deal.” What are your thoughts on this?

    Thanks so much! This is all really life changing for me. Thank you for all these articles.

    • August 26, 2019 at 3:34 pm

      Perhaps you should skip this step, Kristen. That is absolutely not the way it is intended to be used.
      Instead, focus on feeling your feelings and accepting that they are real and that they matter.

  • August 26, 2019 at 4:19 pm

    Hi Jonice, one thing that I can’t manage to do anything about is when I feel like crying but am unable to. Recently I visited a place that I lived at previously and when I left I felt like crying but I couldn’t. It’s like there is sadness but not enough to make me cry. So that sadness carried on the next day and I was quite sure it was due to leaving that place. How am I meant to deal with this situation?

    • August 26, 2019 at 7:14 pm

      Good question! Instead of trying to reach your tears, try to reach your feelings. Step one is to connect with your own feelings and what they mean so that you can use them as they are meant to be used: as messages from your body.

  • August 26, 2019 at 7:21 pm

    Jonice I’ve been following your posts for as long as you’ve been posting them. Yes you have a business but your posts are the spark that sets fires in people round the world. Not a bad job description.

    • August 26, 2019 at 7:32 pm

      That’s so kind of you to say, Ty. I do indeed feel like I have the most rewarding job in the world. Thanks for following my work!

  • September 1, 2019 at 4:17 pm

    Jonice, I did all 4 steps and I completely understand how to do them and how to get the results. What I can’t get, is what the result is showing me. If the feelings, I feel, due to a current event are lower than that of a past event, does that mean, my feelings are working fine? Am I meant to work out, when I am over-reacting and if yes, how do i stop over-reacting? Thank you.

  • December 8, 2019 at 1:26 pm

    I often find it interesting that i can sense/feel the emotions of others, but not when it comes to my own. It is a survival mechanism, I know and I really need to stop and think. I think it is a gift to be able to read people correctly and I am thankful that I can be that person for others (most of the time, lol). I also find it difficult to know what my body is trying to tell me, for instance whether I am hungry or not. Can you suggest any resources that can assist me in getting to know myself better? I don’t need a fluff piece as i can be self-aware and I have learned things throughout my years (I am 50yo). Thank you for your article!!


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