10 thoughts on “The Silent Void That Blocks You From Your Emotionally Neglected Spouse

  • June 2, 2019 at 11:38 am

    How I wish I had known about CEN before my husband died. We had a long marriage and for a long time were very close but gradually CEN behaviours were shutting each other down and out. By the time he died, I was feeling very alone in managing his increasing health problems and mental deterioration. He too was doing all he could to help but at his death I could barely connect at all. It is very sad indeed. I feel for him that he was so emotionally alone at his death.

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    • June 2, 2019 at 12:51 pm

      I’m sad to hear that Jennifer. I just want to remind you that Childhood Emotional Neglect is invisible. There’s no way you could have known. It’s not your fault. Take care.

      Reply
  • June 2, 2019 at 6:57 pm

    A great article Dr Jonice! I have a husband who will not sit and talk with me about issues. I can see him physically close down, turn his back on me and eventually leave the room. I used to get very frustrated about his behaviour and his lack of emotional connection but now I get where it all comes from. We have a friend who has similar behaviour and I try and get my husband to see how similar his behaviour is. He probably will never change but I just try and talk to him from my perspective if I feel hurt, or left out or ignored and then leave it to him to process. These issues are so ingrained.

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    • June 2, 2019 at 7:54 pm

      Dear Sue, that surely does sound difficult and frustrating. Maybe you could convince your husband to see a CEN Therapist with you. He may hear things better from an objective person. Think about it, it may help.

      Reply
  • June 5, 2019 at 6:03 pm

    LOVE your CEN posts! I did know I was growing up with CEN and I surely developed the syndrome of behaviors you mention in your articles. I recall how stunted and stifled I was in my twenties. Over the years, though, I became an emotion junkie! I gobbled others’ emotions.

    I’m an empath, of sorts, and am told I’m very easy to talk to. I hear a lot, and I keep secrets. However, when I’m exposed to others’ expressions of strong emotions I tend to imagine a bond which often isn’t really there. They pour it all out then, having normal boundaries, walk away — while my hungry heart, psyche, soul is screaming, “No, don’t go! I want MORE emotion!” It’s like others’ emotions are CHOCOLATE. … What gives??

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    • June 6, 2019 at 10:38 am

      Dear Carling, perhaps you are experiencing feelings vicariously through others. Many CEN people do this. Momentarily, the other person’s feelings fill your empty space. But when they walk away, they take their emotions with them, leaving you empty and longing again. The answer is to heal your CEN by beginning to break down the wall that blocks your emotions. I hope you will learn more about CEN recovery and start taking the steps to heal. All my best to you!

      Reply
  • June 25, 2019 at 4:52 pm

    Scary. That is how I reacted to the article. I think both my husband and myself are from CEN homes. Mine was an angry household where we kids walked on eggshells around our unhappy parents. My husband’s home was like May’s: happy crappy all the time but with lots of dysfunction under the surface. He thinks, like May, that he is fine, that his family is fine and that we are fine–without any intimacy or emotional vulnerability. I have long felt that the marriage is empty and would’ve divorced but decided that would be worse and besides, if I was just going to get into another relationship eventually anyway, I’d just stay where I am.

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    • July 5, 2019 at 4:40 pm

      Wow Cheryl that is how I am feeling right now. I’ve been married to my “roommate” for 30 years. It’s emotionally dead but we press on. Our children have almost left the nest (still in college) , he’s semi- retired and I was – but at 61 decided to go back to work full time because I felt so empty at home with him. If you ever wanna talk or if you have ideas to make this better please let me know❤️

      Reply
  • August 4, 2019 at 3:02 pm

    I have been reading your page for a few weeks. I have a partner, I will call “G.” She grew up in what could reasonably be described as an entirely dysfunctional and divorced family (She was 9 when the divorce took place.) Her father was a raging alcoholic prone to violence, and she learned very early to “remain silent in order no attract attention. Her mother was very controlling and aloof. Her older sister, by 3 years, hated her because “G” was born with a heart condition that required surgery to correct so initially she needed special care. This created a great deal of jealousy and resentment. (‘G’ has been estranged from her mother and sister for 4 years.)

    Reading your pages helps me understand how to remove some of the “white space.” The issue is ‘G’ is prone to anger that can surface in the blink of an eye, at any time. We can be having a ‘date’ night, and all is going well, boom she gets angry, and it is like she cannot take her ‘foot off the accelerator’ for days. She can shut people out of her life, (her mother, sister or anyone who has offended her– at least in her mind) like they never existed. What I would like to see on your page is perhaps more information for the PARTNER of a CEN spouse to help them work with their partner — NOT fix them- but show them there is more than ‘white space.’

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  • November 18, 2019 at 3:42 am

    As long as man continues to destroy all life forms, which he considers inferior, he will never know what health is and will never find true peace. The men will continue to kill each other as long as they slaughter the animals. He who sows killing and sorrow cannot gather joy and love. “https://bit.ly/2QcaPAR

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