18 thoughts on “How to Stop Attacking Yourself For Your Misteaks

  • April 21, 2019 at 8:29 pm

    For me, I’m not huge on reacting to my mistakes in a terrible manner except when it comes to dealing with others. Then it comes out relentlessly loud and clear. I said nothing to the boss because I couldn’t think of anything to say after she shared something with me. Or I thought I’d try and share some funny story and it was a train wreck. Or perhaps I said something that hurt someone when I never set out
    to do that. That’s when the self criticism starts and takes over. I end up feeling terribly angry and embarrassed.

    Reply
    • April 21, 2019 at 8:49 pm

      Dear Ava, you are indeed damaging yourself and sapping your energy instead of learning and evolving socially, as we all must do throughout our lives. I hope you will try to work on compassionate accountability. It will help!

      Reply
  • April 21, 2019 at 8:38 pm

    This is a very helpful approach; thank you!

    Reply
  • April 22, 2019 at 12:23 am

    My parents were constantly, consistently berating me for everything I did as a child. I grew up self conscience of everything I have done good or bad. This type of abandonment by my parents tore me apart.

    Reply
    • April 23, 2019 at 1:29 pm

      Dear Joseph, your parents’ voices are still active in your head. Only you can take control of them and change what they are saying. I hope you will do this work because you deserve to be happier and to receive support from yourself instead of attacks.

      Reply
      • April 23, 2019 at 1:48 pm

        I am seeing a Psychiatrist at the VA Hospital-Brooklyn, NY. I am taking various meds to help. Still looking for a trusted Therapist in my area.

        Reply
  • April 22, 2019 at 12:26 am

    I feel weird pointing this out, but mistake is spelled wrong; a couple of times as I clicked through from the original email (misteak vs. mistake). But I read everything you send (clearly, right?) because it’s always so great and helpful! Thanks for all you do!

    Reply
    • April 23, 2019 at 1:32 pm

      Dear Heather, that misspelling was deliberate, to make a point. I’m glad you found the article helpful!

      Reply
  • April 22, 2019 at 8:27 am

    Your work is extremely beneficial to me and others. I have read about this issue as ,,emotional deprivation” but this whole CEN explaned it much better and all the practical steps and the emails and examples did wonders to my understanding and coping with this silent childhood monster. I hope your books are read by as many souls in need possible. Thank you!!

    Reply
    • April 23, 2019 at 1:33 pm

      I’m so glad Anonimous. (I love the spelling by the way). Keep up the good work!

      Reply
  • April 22, 2019 at 3:55 pm

    Hi, not that you need my validation but I do agree that these suggestions are interesting and helpful, so thanks for sharing. but what about when it comes to more serious matters, for example, I was opening my CV to add new stuff to it and I just couldn’t. I have been avoiding to look for a job or apply for further education for a year and a half because I just can’t deal with looking back at my past, at what I wanted to become and failed to, the wrong field, universities and places I have chosen in the past and etc. I’m kind of running out of aspects of life to put my focus on which has nothing to do with my past …

    Reply
    • April 23, 2019 at 1:35 pm

      Dear Scrappy, maybe it would help you to figure out why you made these decisions in the past that didn’t work out. I can tell that you are very short on compassion for yourself. And compassion is the thing that will set you free from the past and set you up to work on making better decisions for yourself. Please read my other articles on self-compassion and self-blame, and if you can, talk with a therapist about this.

      Reply
  • April 22, 2019 at 11:03 pm

    Thank you for your articles! I love how you put everything into steps that are easy to follow and remember. I read running on empty and continue to use your tips for identifying and working through feelings. I’m sure I will use these steps too. I am very critical of myself for mistakes, especially when it hurts someone else or they get angry. The shame and guilt keep me In People pleasing mode to try and avoid making mistakes (impossible). So I never really learn from them or work toward change and those I am closest too get more upset because I keep making the same mistakes even though I promise to work on it. It’s a frustrating cycle. I really believe the steps above will help me to make lasting, positive change and help me to continue to change my relationship with myself and others. Thank you!

    Reply
    • April 23, 2019 at 1:39 pm

      Dear Stephanie, that’s a vivid description of how attacking yourself holds you back from growing. I’m so glad you’ll be using the tips and I’m sure they will help.

      Reply
  • May 8, 2019 at 10:35 pm

    Here is how I learned not to attack myself for mistakes. In early 2001 I worked in WTC. Due to unrealistic self-appraisal I made a mistake and accepted a job offer far away from WTC. Over next 7 months I was driving myself crazy about this mistake. Then, on 9/11, I realized how unbelievably lucky I was to make this mistake.
    Dear Dr. Webb,
    I read both of your books and loved them.

    Reply
    • May 12, 2019 at 9:41 am

      That is quite a lesson to learn Steven! Thanks for sharing your story!

      Reply
 

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