23 thoughts on “38 Daily Affirmations For Healing Your Childhood Emotional Neglect

  • February 10, 2019 at 12:55 pm

    I am working on forgiving my parents for making me responsible for their happiness.

    Reply
    • February 10, 2019 at 2:04 pm

      Dear Arlene, just be sure you honor your own feelings about your parents. Jumping over that to trying to forgive may not be good for you.

      Reply
      • February 10, 2019 at 8:25 pm

        Can you elaborate more on this? The only two feelings I am aware of my entire life are terror when younger, and anger/bitterness/rage all of my adult years. My father was a raging alcoholic and my mother emotionally incested me (“her little man”). She told me I was conceived in rape and they wanted an abortion but it wasn’t legal back then. She told me I was responsible for all of my father’s rage. My older brother died last year and on his death bed told me that both he and I was sexually abused by a male neighbor who watched us after school (both parents worked). I have no memory of that but have never been able to initiate relations. My wife of 25 years and I have had a sexless marriage for 20 years (she got tired of both having to initiate and my frequent impotency). I’ve also been touch averse my whole life and find all affection unpleasant. Anyway, my wife and secular friends all say I “just need to get over” my past, and my Christian pastor and friends say I need to repent of my anger and bitterness towards my parents and God. So I’m interested on how one can get past only having ever felt terror or rage (I have never felt love, affection, gratitude, joy, or peace). My wife is also CEN and the only child of a raging alcoholic father and mother killed herself at 5 years of age. She claims she has no issues and has dealt with it all through prayer, but I don’t believe her because she shuts me down any time I get anywhere near expressing even negative thoughts, never mind negative feelings.

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      • February 10, 2019 at 9:33 pm

        Dear No Hope, I am so sorry to read your story. No child should grow up in the way you did. Everything you said makes sense, and I totally understand why your feelings are restricted to the ones you describe. I very much encourage you to see a CEN therapist. You can find a list of them on my website, emotionalneglect.com. You deserve help and support, and I hope you will accept some for yourself. All my best wishes to you.

        Reply
  • February 10, 2019 at 1:14 pm

    Your affirmations on how to cope with emotionally neglectful parents is most helpful! Actually, both of my parents have died but the memories of them and the damage they did to both myself and my siblings still plague me as if they were still living!

    Reply
    • February 10, 2019 at 2:05 pm

      Dear Jan, I understand what you mean. For all of us, our parents still live in our heads and hearts. It’s up to us to take control of their influence over us. Sounds like you are working on it, so good for you!

      Reply
  • February 10, 2019 at 2:11 pm

    Only Child comments: Age 70+
    My one parent or both parents had absolutely no intention of giving anything they already had.
    Reason:
    Signed: “ A mistake by the lake” where I strangely worked for many years while going through both college & university; it is the continuing rhythm of the waves of the lake going to and fro being my continuous healing. It is always out my back door.
    Other Info:
    I was the only one left to bury them , both having long drawn out serious illnesses and with guidance and caring of the small town family funeral director who lifted my weight and allowed closure with equanimity to both parents .

    And those within the community that supported my decision to do what is just and right. Those aging people remained friends knowing the true story have also now passed away and their children as well did what is just and right to get their closure.

    And by attending their parents funerals it is a way to let the waves ebb and flow as life must move on in order and balance to keep one’s sense of direction & purpose.

    Reply
    • February 10, 2019 at 4:08 pm

      Dear Gwor, thank you for sharing. Your writing conveys a deep and healing acceptance of the pain of CEN.

      Reply
  • February 10, 2019 at 7:29 pm

    Thank you for these affirmations. Very helpful and empowering.

    The only one I have an issue with is ‘I am a likeable and loveable person.’ I’m not sure that is true – certainly the feedback I get from everyone else is that the true me, my core, is not likeable and loveable.

    When I was a child, this used to upset me very deeply, thus, for years, I lived a shadow of myself, doing whatever everyone else wanted, even alerting my thought patterns to match everyone else’s – trying to be ‘likeable and loveable.’ Honestly, it didnt really work that well. All I had were some superficial relationships, which did nothing to fulfill me internally. And morally, I felt like a hypocrite.

    However, now, as I am healing from emotional neglect, it does not bother me nearly as much that I do not seem ‘likeable and loveable’ to others. I am who I am. Whether that is ‘likeable and loveable’ does not matter.

    I am spending lots of time alone, exploring myself and my interests. And I find that so much more fulfilling than being around others.

    I find modern society encourages ‘likeability and loveability’ as key, dominant traits one should have – and this is at the expense of traits that I see are far more important, like integrity, honesty, being virtuous, etc (people literally chase after facebook ‘likes’!!!)

    Reply
    • February 10, 2019 at 7:51 pm

      Dear CEN, It is not possible that you were not likable and lovable as a child. Of course you were! But sadly, the people around you were not capable of it for their own reasons. I think it’s great that you have discovered your positive traits, and can see your value. Loving and liking yourself is key to so many parts of happiness.

      Reply
  • February 10, 2019 at 7:44 pm

    Thank you. I’m struggling in life in so many areas. I’m a lifelong learner back in formal education, and as life goes there’s many bumps along the way. As I sit here writing a paper for a class, my mind drifts and I come upon this email in my inbox. Just the reminders I need. They come right after learning my friend from junior high father just passed. It reminds me of my own mother’s time on earth is almost gone at 88.5 and forgetting more than she’s remembering these days. I’m trying to stay focused on my goals, but so much is against me. One day at a time, new mercies I see. Thanks for the encouragement I need right now. Gratitude always~~

    Reply
    • February 10, 2019 at 7:55 pm

      Dear Mom2_8, it sounds like you are coping with quite a lot. But you sound like someone who will keep plugging away and get through it. I hope the affirmations ease your way.

      Reply
  • February 10, 2019 at 9:12 pm

    I’m a little stumped. The affirmations that have to do with marriage are hard for me. My spouse is the one who has picked up the baton of emotional neglect from my parents. Any time I have tried to express feelings and wants I am negated and made to feel that I am unreasonable and worthless. I am at a point where I don’t really know what to do anymore. I keep blaming myself for the whole mess. It seems the more I try to practice things to heal from CEN, which for me was not invisible, but an integral part of the abuse I suffered as a child, the worse our relationship gets. Thank you for writing the book. It has really explained a lot of things about me.

    Reply
    • February 10, 2019 at 9:31 pm

      Dear Catherine, I hope you’ll keep working on your CEN no matter how your husband reacts. Maybe you can take him to see a CEN therapist with you at some point. It’s hard to heal when someone is sabotaging your efforts.

      Reply
      • February 11, 2019 at 1:00 am

        Thank you for your encouragement. I’ve already tried therapy with him, after a few sessions he said that it took too much time and effort and he didn’t want to do it anymore. I’m trying to build support outside of the home to keep me more grounded. It is indeed very difficult to live with someone who invalidates anything you say.

        Reply
  • February 10, 2019 at 9:22 pm

    Thank you Dr. Webb!

    I realize now that the affirmation ‘I am likeable and loveable’ is about how I see myself – how I value myself; and not how others see me and value me.

    So, am I ‘likeable and loveable’ to myself? Sure! I certainly have some positive traits. I’m not perfect by any means – have a long way to go in some areas, but I’m on the journey, and thats what counts.

    Deep down, I would not have answered in such a positive way before my healing journey.

    Thanks again for the ‘ah-ha’ moment!

    Reply
    • February 10, 2019 at 9:29 pm

      That’s all good! Keep up the great work you’re doing.

      Reply
  • February 11, 2019 at 7:31 am

    Thank you. This is wonderful stuff..i will definitely using the affirmations and i will share them with a couple of friends and myfamily

    Reply
  • February 12, 2019 at 5:58 am

    Thanks Dr Webb
    The one that jumped off the page is “I’m worth getting to know “. That is, worth getting to know myself first then letting others get to know me. The real me, the one that’s been hidden away for so long.

    Reply
  • February 14, 2019 at 9:26 am

    What are the 5 stages of CEN recovery?
    I see the 4 areas are healing yourself, healing your marriage, parenting your children and coping with parents.
    Anyone know what the 5 stages are?
    Many thanks!

    Reply
    • February 14, 2019 at 10:22 am

      Dear Lou, those are actually not the 5 stages. I avoid simply listing them at the end of a blog post because it’s not a helpful way to present them to people. It’s important to have some knowledge and understanding about CEN first. I recommend you either visit my website, emotionalneglect.com and sign up for my newsletter or read my first book, Running On Empty, to start learning more about the 5 Stages. Thanks for your very good question!

      Reply
 

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