5 thoughts on “The 5 Essential Steps to Change A Personality Trait

  • January 7, 2015 at 6:18 pm

    Thank you for the article giving hope to both clients and practitioners. Having been in practice myself since 1989, the additional comment I would like to make is that there are many techniques to release the anxiety, sadness and depression feelings and emotions caused by childhood early events, and for these not to rise up again at a later date by ignoring them only to focus on change can bring back that early vulnerability when life throws a challenge seemingly too hard to resolve. Indeed your therapy may already do that, but I thought it was worth noting for the reader of the article.

    • January 7, 2015 at 8:11 pm

      So true Bruni! Thanks for adding that.

  • January 10, 2015 at 12:30 am

    I decided to take a moment to respond to your article. I serve as proof that it IS possible to change. I make that bold assertion after having spent more than 25 years addressing the fallout from years of childhood sexual abuse with an absence of emotional support (it would be more fairly labelled as emotional neglect), from the ‘non-harming’ parent. I know there are many like me, but maybe not yet 25 years down the road of healing. And it certainly doesn’t follow that it will take that long. It was a pretty rough childhood. I must also add that, even as recently as a year ago, I wouldn’t have felt sure enough about the internal changes that have slowly molded me into a very different person, to make such a bold claim. But I’ve been tested over these past months and this new feeling of “happy for no reason” – that’s the best way I can describe it – isn’t going anywhere. I truly feel my personality is built on rock now instead of on the sand I spent so long shifting about on, depending in large part on the outward circumstances over which I had no control. I still get frustrated; I still feel sad. But I’M the one calling the emotional shots in my own life now.
    I’m sure I’ll be able to better-verbalize this new-found peace of mind and heart as time continues to pass, but today is the day I saw your article so I’ve given it my best shot.
    I’ll add these important pieces:
    1. I couldn’t have done it without the help of two excellent therapists through the years (with some not-so-great ones stuck in between – that’s part of the not giving up you mention). But they didn’t do it. I did it. They supported me and didn’t give up on me even when I thought it would be a good idea.
    2. The journey was not a straightforward one. It was two steps forward, one step back. Sometimes the numbers went the other way.
    3. Although I never gave up (what else could I do after all, aside from take my own life when it got that bad), and I always came back to believing there had to be a way out of the hell. There were times, sometimes long stretches, when I couldn’t see how I could ever be anything but what I was – apologetic for my very existence, without any real self-confidence (even though I faked it quite well at times), full of – not a sense of shame but, rather, like I was shame-in-motion. It defined me.
    If my words help even one person go even one more day without giving up until the next one comes a little easier, then it was worth taking the time to share this piece of my story.
    Don’t ever give up – life is a truly amazing thing. I spend not one single day in regret for all the ones I lost to pain, depression and hopelessness. I’m just incredibly grateful that I stuck it out long enough to find it’s true – “there is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in” (Leonard Cohen “Anthem”).
    And, last but not least, thank you for taking the time to share what is clearly expertise. Everything you wrote rang true to me and I believe it’ll make a difference to the people who need your words and find them.

    • January 10, 2015 at 9:35 am

      Dear Camabalu, thank you so much for sharing your experience with us. Your story will inspire others. Sending you all my best wishes.

  • February 8, 2016 at 6:39 am

    Excellent information. I also believe that No. 1 can be reversed in Adulthood. Openess to new experience may diminish in middle age or so.
    I wouldn’t have thought twice about a parachute jump or a roller coaster ride when I was younger, not so now.


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