18 thoughts on “4 Effective Strategies To Take Control of a Strong Emotion

  • May 5, 2019 at 10:47 am

    The sharing is very hard unless it’s to my therapist. Still the processing is incredibly difficult. I don’t necessarily feel I can release the emotion as it’s so overwhelming. I am so full of grief as in hindsight I shared snippets to this married woman, in my bldg. I connected immediately with her most likely from our wounds. I have the capability to become quite perceptive. I feel horrible and respect her boundaries. None the less it’s incredibly uncomfortable. I have never felt safe with anyone. I have tried mindfulness yet I have been riddled my anxieties my whole life. I have been born with a heart defect and find there might be a neurological reason. I am doing the best I can in a tricky situation. I have spent so much money I can’t pursue much more. The support came from my mom who passed 6 years ago. She was so loving and compassionate yet my family never got me. I am also a HSP. I really don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t work. Haven’t for so long and I get by O.K. I am certainly stuck in survival mode. I don’t know if you have any advice or words of wisdom? Anything would help !

    • May 5, 2019 at 7:35 pm

      Dear Patrick, my suggestion is to keep working with your therapist and also try to talk with more people about what you are struggling with. It sounds like you need more people in your life who you feel really know you. Also, I suggest you read Running On Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect, as I think it will help.

  • May 5, 2019 at 1:23 pm

    This was exactly what I needed to read this morning. I’m in the dumps again. Sometimes I feel that beginning to work with a therapist has opened up a Pandora’s Box of emotions that I have been stuffing for decades! So very disheartening!
    But, this morning while walking my dog, I named my depression, I allowed myself to feel it, and I instructed myself gently to Let It Go.
    I’m trying to give myself credit for having the courage to open up a 50 year old wound–but some days, I really wish I had just left it buried. I’m sticking with it anyway. It’s time to grow.
    Thank you again for your accessibility and for helping me & many others Shine a Light into those dark places.

    • May 5, 2019 at 7:37 pm

      Dear Taza, I’m so glad you are opening up your “box” of emotions. It is so important to let yourself feel them and honor and process them. Keep it up, and it will make a big difference for you. Thanks for sharing!

  • May 6, 2019 at 3:27 am

    Dear Jonice,
    I have read your first CEN book and I have some experience wirh meditation, but I was surprised to read your thoughts about meditation. I do feel more calm and relaxed after meditation but I never thought about it in terms of “taking control” or “getting on the driver seat”. Could you explain this or maybe even write a blog entry on CEN and meditation? Thanks a lot, Conny

    • May 6, 2019 at 10:02 am

      Dear Conny, great idea for a blog post. I’ll write one about CEN and meditation. It is indeed a way to train your brain to focus inward instead of outward, since your CEN messages drive your attention outward all day every day. Meditation and mindfulness are ways to counter your CEN tendencies.

  • May 6, 2019 at 9:29 am

    I think people should realize when they start therapy that it often gets worse before it gets better. If therapy were “easy” it probably wouldn’t be helpful. When you’re opening those wounds, even before doing so, it’s probably helpful to line up your resources and figure out with your therapist just how you’re going to deal. People I’ve known who have “tried” therapy weren’t prepared for this quit too soon. I think we CEN folks are more vulnerable to this than others.

    • May 6, 2019 at 10:03 am

      Dear Elizabeth, it’s definitely true that many CEN people are uncomfortable relying on a therapist and leave treatment as soon as they feel a bit better. And also, the feelings that can emerge can seem daunting to CEN folks. Thanks for pointing out the importance of being prepared for this and knowing it’s all in the service of moving forward.

  • May 6, 2019 at 9:53 am

    It’s really inspiring and I have two things from very far time. It’s just happens that sometimes I remembered those childhood memories and got hurt.

    • May 6, 2019 at 10:05 am

      Dear Arya, I’m sorry you have some painful childhood memories. It’s important to deal with the feelings attached to the memories instead of overfocusing on the events themselves. Thanks for sharing!

  • May 7, 2019 at 6:12 am

    I have been receiving the emails for about a year now and I have to just connect and thank you for your amazing work. Though difficult at times, your emails are right in time and give me such amazing tools. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

    • May 7, 2019 at 7:56 am

      I’m so glad Sarah! It is wonderful to hear this. Thanks for writing!

  • May 8, 2019 at 9:22 am

    I would like to know how to cope with overwhelming feelings when a mental illness interferes with writing and/or meditating. There is plenty of information available for neurotypicals, with the most popular suggestion these days being to meditate. For someone with mental illness that involves any level of psychosis, meditation can bring on very frightening imagery that increases anxiety and fear. Writing can be too overwhelming for someone who, for example, has OCD that tells them “if you write ‘this’ down something worse will happen”. There is very little info available for how to cope when one is struggling with mental illness.

    • May 8, 2019 at 11:21 am

      Dear Beth, that’s a very good question and a good point. When you have a mental illness, things that work fine for other people may feel terrible or backfire. I hope you are working with a therapist to support and help you figure out what coping techniques work uniquely for you.

  • May 8, 2019 at 10:47 am

    Thank you incredibly for this beyond-lucid, well-crafted post. You inspire and educate simultaneously. One of your best writings…ever.

    • May 8, 2019 at 11:22 am

      Dear Donna, I’m so glad you found this article helpful and I hope you’ll try them and report back!

  • May 29, 2019 at 5:33 pm

    Great article and well written!

  • July 12, 2019 at 4:45 pm

    I just experienced something I did not realize was happening. I don’t know what “emotion” I feel or felt about this. All of this work I have been doing on myself to heal has opened my eyes to notice the little things that are so HUGE.
    Yesterday I met my husband’s sister’s new husband for the first time. They have a beautiful child together and they are healthy emotionally as parents. He was picking up our niece and kissing her, being fun, tickling her. I could not even WATCH this interaction. I have not accepted him as being her husband or the father of that beautiful child. It’s like it is not real, but there it is and consciously I can see it. I am very happy for them, ecstatic actually.

    I never had a father like that and I raised my son with a diagnosed psychopath/narcissist. I realize that pretty much no men in my family are like this. I relate to my sister in law as the mother/wife but I block her husband’s role in their family.

    Is my aversion because I have not dealt with the pain of not having a connection with my father? I will not let this block anything wonderful about this family that can enrich my life.
    Is it simply that it is “uncomfortable” because it’s new?


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