13 thoughts on “Shame: The Most Useless Emotion By Far

  • September 2, 2018 at 11:01 am

    I love reading the articles that come in the emails. It is the only email subscription I actually pay atention to because it is a gentle reminder that I’m still working on walking in the healing from my CEN. I was really pleased to read today’s article about shame. I think shame is an emotion that has been hidden for a long time and is being brought out into the open. However, I think there was a bit of confusion in this article between the emotions of guilt and shame. Guilt says “I DID a bad thing and I need to stop” and Shame says “I AM a bad thing and I need to stop.” Brene Brown’s research and books on Shame are phenominal. For anyone who is intrigued by this article and the effects of shame, I highly recommend reading some of her work alongside Jonice’s work on CEN. Thank you for this article!!

    Reply
    • September 2, 2018 at 11:20 am

      Hi Al, yes Brene Brown is the true guru of shame. I agree and highly recommend her articles and YouTube videos. I have suggested them to many of my CEN clients. Thanks for your insightful comment!

      Reply
  • September 2, 2018 at 11:15 am

    “So if you hear a healthy message the sooner you can listen to it and put it aside the better” – please clarify this sentence? “It” twice confuses me. Thank you

    Reply
    • September 2, 2018 at 11:22 am

      Hi Fleur, in this sentence I’m suggesting that we listen to the healthy messages some emotions are sending to us. But after we discern the message of shame, we must then put the shame aside, as if we let it persist, it will drain and damage us. I hope this explains it.

      Reply
  • September 2, 2018 at 7:15 pm

    Pure gold! Thank you.

    Reply
  • September 3, 2018 at 7:09 am

    Hi Jonice

    I feel shame regularly because I do such stupid things. I have difficulty in forgiving myself for being so stupid. Maybe this is because I have Asperger’s Syndrome and was not diagnosed until I was 50 years old.

    I would be grateful for any comments you may have.

    Reply
    • September 3, 2018 at 5:27 pm

      Dear Yvonne, everyone does stupid things. It’s a part of being human. I think having any undiagnosed condition can make you feel different and damaged, so I’m sure this might have happened for you with undiagnosed Asperger’s. I encourage you to keep working toward connecting with your emotions. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

      Reply
  • September 3, 2018 at 2:01 pm

    I have CEN and have experienced shame since childhood. I had a friend with whom I recently ended the friendship because I not only often felt shamed by his words and actions towards me, but strongly feel his words and actions WERE indeed shaming. Based on what he had shared with me of his childhood I believe he also has CEN. There were times when I struggled that he felt uncomfortable with me because it reminded him of his childhood. He became hiper critical of me and only pointed out those things about me he disagreed with, didn’t like, etc…never the positive…I could say so many supportive and complementary things and he would hone in on the one thing that bothered him and ignore the rest…very defensive but also saying hurtful things about me in the process. I’m wondering if some people with insecurities and their own sense of shame (or with CEN) can often become people who shame others…?

    Reply
    • September 3, 2018 at 5:30 pm

      Dear Miri, shaming others is not a part of the pure CEN picture. But I do think that people who are actively shamed by their parents can certainly internalize that tendency to shame others. They may not realize it’s not healthy or normal because they grew up with it. I’m glad you are protecting yourself from being treated this way.

      Reply
  • September 3, 2018 at 10:26 pm

    I really get so much out of reading your emails and I’m working through your book.
    Shame has been a huge part of me and used to wonder why others didn’t seem to feel the level of shame I felt. There again I thought there was something very wrong with me, which perpetuated the whole thing.
    Thank you for your work and help. It has helped me to understand my parents and myself.

    Reply
  • September 4, 2018 at 2:21 pm

    I have dealt with so much shame in my life. I’m 57, and still struggling with unearned shame from my childhood. Don’t have a lot of hope that I will ever get past it.

    Reply
    • September 4, 2018 at 4:27 pm

      Dear Lisa, you don’t need hope; you only need perseverance. You can fight back the shame by becoming aware of it and purposely battling it, day after day without giving up. I hope you’ll fight the battle.

      Reply
 

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