52 thoughts on “When the Narcissist Becomes Dangerous

  • December 4, 2014 at 12:52 pm

    YES!!!! As a comedy critic who happens to be the daughter of a malignant narcissist mother, my immediate thought was that Cosby is a narcissist. All these women fueled his narc supply, and his version of reality maintains none of this ever happened.

    Reply
    • December 4, 2014 at 1:29 pm

      I’m glad you liked the article Angie, but would like to clarify for readers that I have no special knowledge of Bill Cosby, or whether he is a narcissist. In the article I’m talking only about the accusations. Thanks for your comment!

      Reply
  • December 6, 2014 at 9:05 am

    The use of pronouns here is quite interesting. When talking about danger, u used the male version and it was only in the last para that the female version showed up and even then, the sentence went: “she is protecting herself from the hurt that she experienced in childhood.”
    So much for feminism. 🙂

    Reply
  • December 6, 2014 at 8:15 pm

    I worked with someone who is a narcissist. He considered himself above all of us even if he is stupid and dumb with the workflow. We were all working to make money for the Company and he is suppose to be a working partner but he only likes to spend money to buy equipment for the company.He installs surveillance cameras all over the offices to watch women and their chest and other body parts. I felt harassed and violated he is non confrontational, he can not express himself physically but he can truly write nasty email to all of us in management. I left the Company because he told everyone he can bring the accounts to make the money. I use to do that job. It’s been 7 months and he has failed and had brought the company all the way down. Almost all the employees left and he is alone in the company trying to make it survive.i give it two months and it will close down. This was a nice reputable ambulance company making 4 million in revenue a year and he ruined it. So many people were hurt and so many people were deceived, I wonder what will happen to him now that he plunged to the bottom and broke his shell….will he go into depression? Commit suicied?

    Reply
    • December 7, 2014 at 2:18 am

      whoah dear, u need to sloww down here. Narcicists arent all bad. wat this guy needs is therapy, not a push over the bridge.

      Reply
      • March 31, 2015 at 6:09 pm

        I raised a diagnosed Narcicisst, I was adopted and shocked how when I found missing relatives, Narcissim was prevalent throughout, even since us 7 kids grew up raised in different homes. Two things are foolingly bad for a true Narcicist and that is therapy and religion, both of which they will use to only become more convincing

        Reply
    • December 7, 2014 at 2:07 pm

      If the person is a narcissist or psychopath, they won’t care at all if they destroyed the company. They will blame someone else and feel fine about it.

      Reply
      • July 8, 2015 at 10:41 pm

        True that.

        Reply
  • December 7, 2014 at 1:53 pm

    It doesn’t take resorting to narcissism to explain how people “live with themselves.” There is a large body of psychological research on the mechanisms normal to all of us when we have transgressed against others. The book MISTAKES WERE MADE…But Not By Me, is very illuminating in this area. Research strongly supports the idea that we ALL, every single one of us, resort to blaming our victim, self-justifying and denying by editing our memories to reduce our cognitive dissonance when our actions are contradictory to our self-image. Pointing fingers at someone like Cosby and calling him a narcissist, as if he’s some especially villainous personality type, is dangerously short-sighted. If you want to know how someone–any one of us–gets on the slippery slope and self-justifies it, read studies about how cheating once on a test changes a person’s view of cheaters from “all bad” to “there must have been a good reason for, so it’s not so bad.” Fascinating, how well we can dissociate ourselves from our actions, “forget” what we did, not notice the impact on others. The point being, this are internal tactics we ALL use. It is simple human nature, not limited to “narcissists.” Anyone who thinks “I’d never do that” could and should read this book, and take a cold hard look at others’ complaints about themselves–those complaints that seem so irrational and unfair. It’s quite chilling how easy it is to “forget” your own transgressions against others.

    Reply
    • December 8, 2014 at 12:01 pm

      I do not agree. Narcissists take victim blaming to a whole new level.

      Reply
    • February 11, 2015 at 10:21 am

      JJ,

      I found your comments to be extremely insightful and open minded.
      Not all “bad” people are Narcissists.
      and not all Narcissists are bad people.
      We are ALL narcissistic to a certain level or degree.
      When we can finally admit that too ourselves,… we can shed that self righteous skin we ALL wear at one point or another, and get down to the real business of learning our true selves and taking true responsibility for our own thoughts and feelings…and more importantly, our own *place in this world.

      Reply
      • May 10, 2015 at 10:23 pm

        Learning,

        Amen!

        Reply
    • May 10, 2015 at 10:22 pm

      JJ,

      You got that right! But it’s much less painful to whine about others that it is to recognize and then move to remedy the suckiness within oneself.

      Reply
    • July 8, 2015 at 10:53 pm

      You’re right, all of us have narcissistic traits. They are useful for taking care of ourselves, and, as you mentioned, sometimes we are narcissistic enough to justify our bad behavior. But with a narcissist, there is no “sometimes”. They are NEVER wrong. Never. If they do something that they are aware that society frowns on, they will blame someone else for making them do it. It’s never their fault.

      Reply
      • June 24, 2017 at 6:17 pm

        Blame is to simple of a word, N’s can go to great lengths to secure that blame into their targets..much like cleaning feathers after a carnivorous indulgence. Maybe the kids have cPTSD from years of fabricated chaos and sabotage? N will not accept any part of this, will need to clean her feathers, cover her tracks, focus attention onto the spouse in every way possible; evoking on smear campaigned, triangulation, needling, causing as much anxiety as possible in order to point attention blame onto his/her spouse.

        Reply
  • December 7, 2014 at 2:05 pm

    “Most narcissists do not pose any real danger to the people around them (except perhaps emotionally).” – Are we to suppose that the toxic and damaging emotional impact of a relationship with a narcissist is not a real danger? Emotional damage can be just as severe as physical damage. Even emotional abuse can have physical manifestations that may take years to appear. Narcissist are toxic and dangerous to the health and well being of those close to them.

    Reply
    • December 8, 2014 at 11:57 am

      Agree, in fact the average narc is unlikely to be criminal or easy to identify. They hide in plain sight. Shallow, superficial, but often seem to outsiders to be charming, extrovert, attention seeking, many are good fun.

      Those close to them see another side. The secretly cruel mother/father. Mean, critical they ridicule and invalidate at every turn. Lies and gaslighting are everyday events. They drive you crazy.

      The fallout from such emotional abuse and neglect can be devastating, leading to mental health problems and self hate.
      Emotional abuse is just as damaging as psychical abuse, maybe worse cos no one sees your pain so you’ll get no sympathy or help.

      Reply
    • December 10, 2014 at 1:17 am

      Spot on. I was thinking the same thing. Why is there even a question mark next to this? I grew up with a narcissistic mother and married one. The emotional fallout was horrendous and took years and years to heal from. After 20 years, I still deal with issues that crop up.

      Reply
    • June 12, 2017 at 6:40 pm

      Exactly, thank you for saying that. I suffered terribly with PTSD after being emotionally abused. He would blame me for being to sensitive and I have the personality disorder. I thought I was going crazy. They can be dangerous and emotional abuse is dangerous. Some of the comments on here are dangerous, it’s like we should all feel sorry for narcissists and while they are tearing us apart we should just think, they can’t help it they were abused to! There’s no excuse ,I told my ex numerous times his flirting with other women hurts me and he just kept on doing it. Should I just put up with it because he was hurt as a child. Well so was I! !

      Reply
  • December 7, 2014 at 3:45 pm

    We are living in an increasingly narcissistic culture. It does not All happen in childhood. Not all narcissist on the spectrum were made that way by their parents. Perhaps there are actually less of those type than there are of the type who have bought into or been influenced by the ill conceived self esteem movement. The pop culture religion of self, and especially of self-interest and self- importance over empathy and caring for others continues to be fueled by new age psychology and the self-help industry. Might a greater degree of toxicity as well as the rise in narcissistic tendencies be the result of the way the self-help movement has come to be equated with help-self?

    Reply
  • December 8, 2014 at 10:36 am

    I think articles like this are dangerous because they encourage people to look at narcissists as “wounded children” who need compassion or sympathy. I read a book called Character Disturbance and got a better understanding of some narcissists-some of them aren’t wounded inside, hiding shame or fragile selves. Some people are just bullies and aren’t compensating for anything. Read the book. I think it’s VERY important to understand this possibility especially in light of the fact that narcissists tend to find sympathetic people to manipulate.

    Reply
    • December 8, 2014 at 12:07 pm

      ‘some narcissists-some of them aren’t wounded inside, hiding shame or fragile selves. Some people are just bullies and aren’t compensating for anything.’

      I so agree, the idea narcs are all ‘wounded inside’ is just wrong.

      Many are just nasty bullies.
      My mother was not wounded inside, she was actually remarkably happy.
      She was not damaged, she did not feel damaged. She did damaged others though, in her case mostly her children.

      Reply
      • December 8, 2014 at 12:11 pm

        She liked to break her toys!

        Reply
      • February 11, 2015 at 10:35 am

        Anna,
        you said,
        ” Some people are just bullies and aren’t compensating for anything.”
        Wouldn’t that put them into a whole new label? Sociopath or psychopath perhaps?

        I’m astounded at all of the comments from people who want to somehow dehumanize “bullies” and “narcissists”.

        We don’t need to compromise OUR emotional boundaries to have compassion for any human being.

        Usually it’s those that want to just “cast out” the “undesireables” That need to take the hardest look at themselves.

        Reply
      • April 3, 2015 at 4:03 am

        Anna, we share not only a name but the experience of a narcissistic parent. Does it serve a purpose to see their condition coming from childhood neglect? Yes. Once I realised that possibility, I looked at myself and realised how I often did to others exactly what my father did to me: because he left me with the same fragile sense of self. Fortunately I did not pass it on to another generation, having decided to end the bucket chain of abuse.
        Interestingly, after my mother died, my father married a woman who could hurt him MORE. She made a fool of him and then sat around the kitchen table with her daughters and laughed. Just before his sudden death, my father apologised to me via my fiance.

        Reply
    • December 9, 2014 at 9:16 pm

      Encouraging the victim of a psychopath/narcissist to feel empathy for their abuser is sadistic. I believe that narcissists and psychopaths want others to believe they were abused in order to receive sympathy and attention. They are compulsive liars who will say anything to create more opportunities for abuse. In my opinion psychopathy and narcissism are primarily caused by biology. Their environment as children might change how they abuse others, but it didn’t create their disorder. I think psychopaths love nothing more than to fool psychologists by blaming their evil behavior on their childhood. They want to portray themselves as the victim and blame other people for their behavior. They may or may not have been abused, but it doesn’t matter. They will destroy those close to them either way.

      Reply
    • June 12, 2017 at 6:42 pm

      Very good point. I’m getting fed up with people feeling sorry for my ex when he nearly killed me!

      Reply
  • December 8, 2014 at 11:29 am

    ‘Have empathy for the pool of pain that lies beneath the surface of your narcissist’s blustery shell. Understand that he or she is protecting herself from the hurt that she experienced in childhood.’

    I don’t agree with this, feeling empathy for a narcissist is a waste of time they will never feel any for you, empathy expressed by you will just be a weakness they exploit.
    I do not believe the ‘pool of pain theory’ either. My sister and I were scapegoats of a malignant narcissist mother. Ignored, neglected, ridiculed. To know you are unloved, never hugged, never cuddled, disposable, is pain. Deep and long lasting pain and very damaging, self esteem is non existent, anxiety and fear are felt instead.

    Our mother’s favorite that ‘golden child’ did have a much better time. Listened too, supported, highly valued and adored. It wasn’t perfect even for her, mother was a ice cold woman. But golden child did not suffer as much. She felt powerful, entitled and special.
    Us scapegoats felt like s##t.

    So, because of my own experience I believe narcissism is a genetic difference, something you are born with, like psychopathy. My narcissistic sister was always ‘different’ from the get go.

    If pain caused narcissism I would be a narcissist.
    Its not about pain per say.

    I know of several narcs that actually have had a good childhood. My mothers childhood was not bad, she was not in ‘pain’ nor depressed. She simply did not feel empathy. Wired differently.
    She wanted to live till 100 years old and get a telegram from the queen.
    She died this year at 92.

    Reply
  • December 9, 2014 at 8:18 am

    There are a lot of people who are not so extreme that they are diagnosable but when they are stressed or threatened fall back into narcisistic behavior. My mother was like this, and that can also be very damaging to others. The problem here is that when she is calm again, she can see what she did and the guilt is very bad.The denial doesn’t work as well and you can see she can’t cover it up to herself the way an extreme narcisist can. Still, she can’t take criticism from others (She can occasionally catch herself)and she is SO SURE she is right, yet she stops short of scrificing everyone else for it, unless she is really scared or pressured by illness, for example. These articles often tlak about pretty extremely disordered people, not the folks who have traits and not the entire disorder; yet those with triats are often much more common, and more perplexing to deal with.

    Reply
    • December 9, 2014 at 8:44 pm

      Individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder have many traits in common with narcissists and psychopaths, but they differ. I believe they can experience guilt to some degree, although they desperately try to avoid it. They can also get “better” at times and almost be normal when in a supportive environment. They are capable of showing kindness when their ego isn’t threatened. Most of the time, they are still extremely egocentric. People with Borderline Personality Disorder can be treated in therapy to some extent, but they rarely want to.

      Reply
      • December 10, 2014 at 10:57 am

        YEs, but they have this instability of personality and relationships that my mom never really had. She never was a “drama queen” in times of stress the way your ganrden variety borderline can be. If anything, she could be solid Ice. Hyper intellectual. She’d manage and drag everyone throughthe fire with her just never, ever criticize her especially when she was like that or she would make you pay…a strange set oc contradictions. Her mom was just viscious at times. Mom was so much like that, but she could turn, you , off. Like.That.

        Reply
      • June 24, 2017 at 9:08 pm

        Found with my covert N, stress/fear were big triggers, one of the few scenarios where the mask would come off and ide see the true narcissist…the last person ide want to be next to during any significant moment/event. Fight over flight.

        Reply
  • February 8, 2015 at 8:04 pm

    Unfortunately…….narcissists are very good at what they do!!. Not long ago,I had the misfortune of ‘dating’ one. From the get go,it was a bizarre escapade….I knew instinctively ‘something’ was not quite right,just could not put my finger on it. I am a little emotionally scared from past hardships,& relationships are difficult to perceive as are the individuals & this leaves me mentally vulnerable…..to which is the narcissists delight!. If I’m honest…..I will say,I knew from get go what was happening….but like I say…..they know how & exactly when to play you.I am quite relieved that I managed to escape a longer period of his grasp,I doubt he saw that coming haha. Even the strongest minded of ppl CAN & SHALL continue to be played & mentally abused by these hideous individuals.Best advise I could possibly say is,be EXTREAMLY careful with whom you disclose your ’emotional’ state with…..narcs actually spend a whole lot of time studying your behaviour whilst playing through many of your emotions as to calculate the response…..hence knowing exactly how to use you. Peace to all.

    Reply
  • February 8, 2015 at 10:02 pm

    My 20yr son has become increasingly narcissistic over the last 5yrs. I most definitely did not abuse or neglect him. I love him very much. But dont like the person he is becoming, selfish, manipulative, lies, uses people. He is very charming about it. His father is much the same way believing the world exists for him.

    Reply
  • February 11, 2015 at 11:18 am

    It is truly discouraging to see so many “victims” on one blog.
    I don’t know where to begin.
    I suppose it was when I took a long hard look at myself, and decided that I can only be a victim if that’s how I see myself; I was then able to step out of that role and assume self-RESPONSIBILITY.
    I suppose that’s why I can have some compassion. Even for my transgressors. (For the “Narcissists” and “psychopaths”). Because they are people too.
    And life is now open and free and I am at peace.

    Reply
    • February 16, 2015 at 8:18 am

      Good for you. There is little sense in my continuing to blame my mom for problems I have now. They are up for me to fix, and her problems are hers to deal with, and I just have to be aware of them. At some Point I feel like I have to say, “Right, mom is mom, Grandma was Grandma, and Life goes on. Now what?”
      Then again, my mom was a light case, higher functioning than many. I was her “difficult kid”. Not everyone is going to be able to manage this because their situation was/ is worse. I can feel sorry for her because I can see what she has done to herself. I got out. I can see other cases worse than her that have completely destroyed themselves and others. Not because I’m great, but because the variant of the disease was less nasty. I had some buffers. So did she growing up.
      Never underestimate how important buffers are. if you’ve got this in your family, please make sure your kids have these. First step in not being a victim is making sure you are never a perp.

      Reply
  • March 20, 2015 at 8:56 pm

    There is no hope. It will not be healthy. Thinking yiu can control a narcissist is a major problem.

    I left

    Reply
    • April 28, 2015 at 1:02 am

      The women I’ve seen my biological father with- His wife (my mother) dead from mental illness-induced suicide. His next wife, said to be insane. The woman he’s had on the side throughout-denying she needs intervention, while he’s in her house stealing her property, putting a keystroke logger on her computer, turning her money into gold at a broker and shipping it offshore. That’s her money, and other women he’s conned. None of these people will bring suit against him. The cops are powerless.
      They all think his sex addiction is a compliment. I’ve never seen such a mess. And they all protect him. Someone contacted me for help with him, I haven’t had interactions since the late 80’s. All this trash and drama suddenly dumped on me out of nowhere, by broken people who loooove their problems and the sex. Don’t crap up my life.

      Reply
  • March 20, 2015 at 8:59 pm

    From your one of your own articles,
    “Nothing you say can convince the narcissist that you’re not making intentional and irrational attacks against him or her. In the narcissist’s eyes, you’re somehow responsible for their sadness, anger, or even immoral behavior.”

    Keyword, “NOTHING”

    Reply
  • March 30, 2015 at 12:07 pm

    These comments are all very intriguing. While I agree that many people are becoming “more narcissistic” in the self-editing, very public, technology-enabled world we have today (Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, etc.), I’d like to get a perspective on a person who grew up without those things and I believe is showing symptoms of either a borderline personality disorder or classic narcissism. This person is 32 years old, and has an almost complete inability to ever admit wrongdoing. I’m not sure when this trait began to be pronounced — but family members who know her well say this has been a pattern for many years. She is very quick to take offense at perceived slights, often to the point of hanging up on people who disagree with her or telling them that she “isn’t going to talk to them anymore.” She cut off contact with her father 3 years ago because he didn’t want to give her a blank check for her wedding, has refused to let him meet his first grandchild, and generally finds ways to keep the drama going. If she wants or needs something from a person she’s treated that way, though, she’ll simply grace them with the sunshine of her presence, never having to say she is sory or acknowledge her own behavior — it’s simply like it never happened.

    This person is very controlling, demanding and bossy. She holds grudges for FOREVER. Years ago, she refused to attend one of her best friend’s weddings because she didn’t like the friend’s fiancé. When she disagrees with someone in her family, she aggressively promotes her version of the “facts” and over the past few years has surrounded herself with enabling personalities — the people closest to her are either dependent on her in some way or drama-seekers who enjoy those emotional storms.

    I could go on with details about interactions over a number of years as well as some conditions of her childhood, but what do you think we are looking at here?

    Reply
  • March 31, 2015 at 5:44 am

    To MJ,

    I’m not a professional. I have however come across a few people in my 45 years who sound just like the woman you described.
    If I may ask, who is this person to you? An old (ex) friend? Girlfriend? Sibling?
    I suppose it doesn’t have much bearing. I’m just asking out of curiosity.

    It certainly sounds like she exhibits above “normal” (whatever that is) levels of self-centerdness and lack of remorse or compassion. By clinical definition, I would say she certainly exemplifies a classic narcissist.

    Has she ever exhibited any signs of malicious or even violent behavior? That would certainly change, if not only add more “labels” to her tendencies and personality.

    Now I’m curious who this woman is to you because I would feel great concern for you to learn that you are very close to her and need to “deal” with her drama. I have more concern for you now in trying to adjust and adapt to someone with this, or any condition similar.

    Tell me (us) more about how YOU feel and how you have been affected by this woman. It will certainly paint a clearer picture for me to know your personal connection with her.

    I want to have sympathy for you as obviously you know her and are researching and writing because you care.
    Make it more personal for me, if I’m not asking too much 🙂

    Reply
  • March 31, 2015 at 7:14 pm

    I have a question. You described a narcissist attempting to make himself/herself feel ‘special’, basically superior to others. However, many people want to feel ‘special’ and ‘different’. People drive themselves to excel at a profession and to achieve their goals, all in order to separate themselves from the crowd (to be well above average, the best).
    Take a Navy SEAL or an Olympian as an example. Professional athletes and SEALs (look at the novel No Easy Day as reference) describe their drive as being motivated by wanting to be the best of the best, better than the rest. They may have felt inferior as a child, and are often driven by the fear of not being the best, of not winning (like an Olympian or a motivated lawyer). Often over-achievers are driven by not wanting to feel that they’re ‘nothing’. Their way of making themselves ‘special’ is by indulging themselves in a career and beating everyone else. These are many of the symptoms you described in your article. Are these people narcissistic? Would I be narcissistic if I wanted to be the best? It’s bothering me, so anyone, please feel free to answer me.

    Reply
    • April 28, 2015 at 1:50 am

      Stryder,

      You’ve already gotten some good advice, which I’d like to add to. First, though, if you are new, this is a consistently excellent site with many sections. You’ll find you can dig in pretty deeply to their archives. Two years ago, after a N attack on me that nearly killed me from alcohol poisoning and a psychotic break, I spent a couple hours a day healing up on this and other sites. It pays off.
      Sociopaths (Now Narcissists) are incapable of self-reflection. A Narcissist cannot admit guilt. I’d read of a test done on Narcissists where they were shown slides, like a fireman rescuing a puppy. The scientists could measure the blood flow to the N’s brain increase. The N’s were trying to parse the emotion they should have. N’s do not care. A YouTube channel by psychiatrist Richard Grannon called the Spartan Life Coach, assures his viewers that no N would ever ask if they were an N. He added that one way to find a Narcissist is to ask them if they are one. They won’t hide it.

      Reply
    • May 5, 2015 at 11:05 am

      @Stryder. I’m a little late to the game. You have already received a couple of replies to your question. Allow me to ask the following: Are you empathetic or sympathetic to others? Do you sincerely regret your misdeeds? Do you justify manipulating or stepping on others to achieve your goals? When you do wrong do you feel bad and while I’m at it do you feel you ever do wrong? Do you sincerely apologize to a person you have hurt? Do you ever go against your monetary or material best interests because they either will or just might hurt someone else? In trying to be THE BEST at something do you do it for your own self-worth, satisfaction, or maybe just plain fun or do you have a need to look down your nose at others by being “better” than them?

      Let me tell you that the tone of your inquiry and the sincerity of your self doubts let me assure you that you are neither a narcissist nor a sociopath. In fact you seem like a decent person. Carry on, do the best you can in whatever endeavor you are into and don’t give this a second thought.

      Reply
  • April 1, 2015 at 8:01 am

    Hi Stryder,

    I’m not the author of the article but I will take advantage of your ‘anyone’ invitation to chime in.

    To answer your last question first, No, I don’t think you are a narcissist simply because you have the drive and ambition to be the ‘best’ at anything. That actually sounds like good values to shoot for.

    I think it boils down to how you think about yourself and present yourselves to others that could either make you a narcissist or just a very goal oriented person.

    I don’t know if you are a football fan, but the only example that pops into my head right now is the comparison of two very gifted wide receivers in the NFL.

    Even if you aren’t much of a f-ball fan, you may have heard of Terrell Owens. A very goal oriented, talented man who was beginning to make a real name for himself in the NFL. But in my eyes he was the true definition of a narcissist. He loved the spotlight, which in itself does not make him a narcissist. However just his attitude was what always put me off with him. He’s very cocky and arrogant. Every time Ive ever heard him speak in the media, it wasn’t hard to pick up on his tendencies of ‘superiority’. He would also show his narcissism after scoring a touchdown with some ridiculous celebratory stunt that was usually borderline poor sportsmanship towards the other team.
    Sure he was talented. But he wasn’t the Best in the NFL. But HE thought he WAS and it always seemed like he was trying to convince the world that he was the best…but with his attitude…not with his actions on the field. There was no sign of humble with this man. He was talented but his persona was much more that of a carnival side show than a gifted athlete.

    On the other side of the coin we have Jerry Rice, Long time wide receiver for the SanFran 49’ers. Also a very motivated, goal oriented, very talented athlete. He’s said in interviews
    he always strived to be the best of the best. And he reached those goals. He’s one of the best players the NFL has ever seen. But throughout a career that spanned 20 years (incredible for an NFL player), he never seemed to have a need to ‘spectacularize’ his successes. He was always a very humble man on the field and let his talent speak for itself. A true gifted, motivated athlete that never felt it necessary to exude UNsportsmanship towards the other team. He WASNT a carnival attraction like Terrell Owens. And he certainly isn’t a narcissist like T.O.

    I think that (para phrase you)…”over-achievers (that) are driven by not wanting to feel that they’re ‘nothing’” , doesn’t always make them narcissistic. Especially after they achieve certain goals and present themselves with humility and dignity.

    Another good example are police officers. Some that come out of the academy (rookies) have maintained a balanced sense of self and have true values that benefit them (to succeed) as well as the public (those they help).
    Then there are rookies who strap on a gun belt and think they have carte blanche to do whatever the hell they want (narcissist).

    It feels to me you may have read a little bit into the author’s article regarding the drive and desire to be the best. It doesn’t always mean folks with that drive are Narcs. There also could very well be many other issues tied to that drive.

    What are your thoughts on my comments?

    Reply
    • April 1, 2015 at 10:18 am

      LearningtoFeel, I like your answer very much. Spot on!

      Reply
  • April 14, 2015 at 5:30 pm

    I am having so much trouble finding a therapist for therapy. I believe my husband is a narcissist and he is finally willing to go to therapy. Help!

    Reply
  • April 28, 2015 at 4:09 am

    My experience they believe they are born special, privileged, everyday rules of life don’t apply to them etc, I know my son believes that he is entitled to take anything that belongs to members of the family whenever he feels he needs to, autos, money whatever he wants at the time. He has cleaned me out bank acct, cash everything. Taken my car left me stranded, did the same to my 74yr mother and honestly doesn’t get why everyones upset. Unbelievable every time! His father is exactly the same way. Most of the rest of the family my self included have given him their last dollar many times, would for anyone.

    Reply
  • May 17, 2015 at 7:41 am

    Just actually realized husband. Of 23 yrs. has a name narcissist. Have had my head in the sand. Need to breath. Don’t relly care about my breathing anymore it’s my daughter 22 who is suffering. She is smart funny strong brilliant. Works goes to school comes home. Weighs 300 lbs. suffers everyday from the worst most manipulative narc. She showed me this narc article he is all and worse there is. I am powerless and ashamed of myself for her having lived with this. We are both under his constant torture/ jeckle/hyde person. I layed it to his horrible childhood but now know more of narcs pers. traits. I would give anything to know how to end this . Have through the the years tried to get away, prayer after prayer Other things have entered my mind to try and stop this. My child is my world yet I have let her be subject to this. I am disgusted with myself to say the least. And yet I keep on. Jesus Jesus show me the way and give me the strength and yet I remain powerless to even a voice to speak. Thank you for listening and for the chance to write this down here.

    Reply
  • April 6, 2016 at 5:38 pm

    Who gives a crap about their childhood. I dont buy that ” the poor child childhood”. They are mean malicious people and they can’t change. Steer clear as most of them are dangerous in one way or another.I’ve read they have a smaller amygdala in the brain than most people. Its not curable.

    Reply
 

Join the Conversation!

We invite you to share your thoughts and tell us what you think in this public forum. Before posting, please read our blog moderation guidelines. A first name or pseudonym is required and will be displayed with your comment. Your email address is also required, but will be kept private. (Please note that we use gravatars here, which are tied to your email address.) A website/blog/twitter address is optional.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *