28 thoughts on “The 10 Rules Emotions Follow That Everyone Should Know

  • June 24, 2018 at 12:42 pm

    Thank you so much for this wonderful post!

    I am currently dealing with some of these things and have been struggling with how to keep the processing of my painful feelings from further injuring my Inner Child.

    Now I know. After reading the post, it came to me that “just” feeling what I feel is very much like going to the doctor for an innoculation: It hurts a little bit for a little while, but it’s over before you know it, and then that pain and what it represents can never again hurt you in the same way.

    Thank you again for an enlightening post 🙂

    Reply
    • June 24, 2018 at 3:25 pm

      Yes exactly! What a good description. I may borrow that from you to help others. Keep up the good work!

      Reply
      • June 24, 2018 at 4:47 pm

        (Ah! NOW it showed up! Please ignore my second comment.)

        I’m flattered that you wish to, and of course you may.

        Thank you 🙂

        Reply
      • June 24, 2018 at 9:43 pm

        I’m glad you can see my reply now. Thanks for your comment!

        Reply
  • June 24, 2018 at 4:45 pm

    I got an email telling me you replied to my comment, but the link keeps taking me in circles to this page I’m at right now; when I click on post / view comments, all I get is invited to post.

    Like, I don’t see the comment I posted already, your reply to me, OR any comments any one else may have posted.

    🙁

    Reply
  • June 24, 2018 at 4:56 pm

    What if i understand what was said but how can they help a person who has depression ?

    Reply
    • June 24, 2018 at 9:42 pm

      Good question Sandra! Welcoming and sorting through your walled off feelings is a very helpful step in reducing depression, I have found with many clients.

      Reply
  • June 24, 2018 at 7:20 pm

    Are there any psychologists or counselors trained in CEN in the Rhode Island or southern Massachusetts area?

    Reply
    • June 24, 2018 at 9:40 pm

      Yes there are! Go to EmotionalNeglect.com and click on Support. Go to the Find A Therapist page and you can find them there.

      Reply
  • June 24, 2018 at 9:53 pm

    Thank you for the clear list of rules. I had my emotions walled off for many years. The wall crumbled when one of my parents died. Since then I have been working with my psychiatrist in weekly therapy. We started with my learning to identify my feelings and I struggle with letting myself feel and express anger because anger came with the silent treatment and abandonment during my childhood. I have a strong relationship with my therapist and feel safe for the first time in my life. I couldn’t take this journey without him. Fortunately I am Canadian and Therapy is covered in our healthcare system.

    Reply
    • June 24, 2018 at 10:13 pm

      Dear PJ, I’m so glad you found a therapist who is helping you with emotions. Hopefully, the silent treatment and abandonment are behind you. Keep doing what you’re doing! It’s great.

      Reply
  • June 25, 2018 at 2:11 pm

    very timely article . just NAMING my feelings has been super arduous for me…and Im 64 yrs old. struggled for years with my obesity….always stuffing my feelings.
    FINALLY have found a good psychotherapist who explained & understood how dysfunctional & emotionally abusive my family of origin was & still is.
    My whole life never understood why I could only connect intimatly with emotionally unavailable drug addicts!

    Reply
    • June 25, 2018 at 9:28 pm

      Dear Susan, you are learning some important life skills! I’m glad you found a therapist to help you. Keep it up!

      Reply
  • June 26, 2018 at 4:10 am

    Jonice,
    Thank you for sharing this list. My battle with expressing my emotions, has been life long do to emotional abandonment since childhood, plus all the other horrific dysfunction I grew up with.
    To no surprise, I’ve spent the last ten years with someone who is equally damaged & I’m getting ready to walk away from it.
    I can no longer tolerate being with someone who flat out refuses to & purposely ignores any & all of my requests to communicate about our relationship. He continues to hide behind, & use the excuse, he doesn’t do confrontation, I personally don’t think of communication as ugly confrontation. I view it as important & as a necessity in any relationship & I’m guessing he was raised by parents who didn’t communicate any emotions & regularly gave the silent treatment.

    Reply
    • June 26, 2018 at 8:01 am

      Ask him if he does discussions. Because if you’re talking about something it prevents confrontations. Best wishes for resolving this difficult situation.

      Reply
  • June 26, 2018 at 9:32 am

    So, I am having a real hard time feeling things. I’m apathetic about most things (I think I’m more like a stereotypical man in my feelings). I think I still have feelings but they rarely seem very strong. 2 months ago, I just got fed up with my husband who hadn’t worked in 6 years (while I do everything), and kicked him out. But after I kicked him out, I didn’t feel sadness, or joy, just a sense of, “Ok, that’s done. Next!” For various reasons he moved back in on Friday, as a ‘trial.’ He’s back, and I feel happy to see him (mildly) but also mildly uncomfortable and sad too. I DON’T understand what I’m feeling, how to access my feelings or what to do about this guy! I feel a little like Spock – half alien, half human, and having trouble with the human part.

    Reply
    • June 27, 2018 at 7:47 am

      Dear Rose, please seek a qualified therapist to help you with this. Look for a CEN Therapist on my website’s Find A Therapist Page.

      Reply
  • June 26, 2018 at 8:06 pm

    i am 37 and all my life i have felt “different”. i have never had long lasting friendships, no close bond with siblings or parents. was a loner at school. always feel picked on, singled out, attacked. i have a 3 year old son now, and i have done a lot of researching and reading about psychology, abuse, sociopaths, narcissists. ..and recently i have come to realize that my mother and her husband are both narcissists. my mother has matern narcissism and thanks to ur book and website, discovered i have suffered from CEN. i am trying to break the cycle with my son. however its hard when validating emotions are a foreign thing and not saying the words NO, DONT, STOP, QUIT, YOU CANT does not seem possible. its even harder when i live with my narcissist parents with my son, and they have no respect for me as a parent. my son sees that and the way they treat me and he has no respectfor me either. they are not supportive of me (never have been) and its just a toxic environment. but i cant afford to move out on my own. i go to therapy and my son and i go to PCIT as well. and these are not working when im still in an abusive environment and they are not participating in trying to change or break the cycle. they tell my son theres no crying in grandmas house, stop crying, quit crying, oh stop!.. he is still on pacifier and bottle bcuz they dont want to hear him cry and i have to put them before my son and myself. its very hard. im trying desperately to find a place, but i cant afford it on my own and cant live with anyone else either.

    do u have any tips with dealing with my living situation with narcissist toxic parents and trying to break the cycle with my son?

    also, do u know of anyone who advocates for making the act of purposefully and intentionally inflicting psychological abuse, such as GASLIGHTING, upon another an illegal act and a felony that is punishable by imprisonment.. ?

    Reply
    • June 27, 2018 at 7:48 am

      Dear Tracie, this sounds like a toxic situation for you and your son. The only advice I can give is to get out of there but I know that’s not helpful. I don’t think you have a choice but to protect the both of you from this situation. I am sorry you are experiencing this.

      Reply
  • June 27, 2018 at 2:00 am

    Yes! And how good is this? Can’t say any more than “Do”…
    Oh dear, I must be getting better, not going to bore peeps with another pauvre moi story…lol

    Reply
  • June 27, 2018 at 6:57 am

    more than narration , the words you to describe it the metaphors are great, other side of the wall, extinguish, live, feelings, are great. processing. Wow, you helped me connect and visualize the chain of start to end. i luv the narration and i am talking to my emotions . It is like a multifaceted animal ( tiger, lion, cheetah, poisonous snake, elephant, rat, cow, fish, donkey and wolf all living together). I saw that heep and touched it. They are all asleep now. It is because you took me into the cage of E-Motion. Now, everything motionless opening up their eyes and seeing me . Thanks. I dont know which will hug me up and which time like a jockey driving his horse. may be snake will sit on me and make me venomous. THANKS for the contents. helped me a lot.

    Reply
    • June 27, 2018 at 7:45 am

      Sounds like you are making friends with your emotions. Good job!

      Reply
  • June 27, 2018 at 10:07 pm

    Thank you for sharing the steps of feelings. I am an adult in my late 50’s and spent mostly all of my life not knowing how to control my feelings. When I was very young, my feelings didn’t matter much, except maybe my father cared, but was coping with my mother’s problems. When I was in my teens, I was abused sexually by strangers. I could not tell my parents…sex talk was taboo!! I remember holding my head down and feeling so ashamed…I told no one!! These feelings followed me into adulthood and into one disastrous marriage and eventual divorce, and many relationships, but no solid commitments, even now after 25 years of being divorced. The message that was conveyed to me was that my feelings do not matter that I could not express my feelings they bought me shame and guilt and fear. I’m just recently able To feel my feelings and realize that they have to be dealt with instead of pushing them away or covering them up by over eating or shopping excessively or acting out in ways that are in appropriate . It’s truly about time that I’ve come to this realization that I can change that I’m not a lost cause. Thank you

    Reply
    • June 28, 2018 at 12:58 pm

      Dear Marilee, your story of your experience of abuse as a child makes me so sad. I am very sorry you were so alone with that terrible experience. I’m glad that now you are honoring that little girl and listening to her feelings. All my best wishes to you!

      Reply
      • June 28, 2018 at 8:25 pm

        Thank you Jonice, for your reply and your care, you truly are a wonderful person.

        Reply
  • July 2, 2018 at 8:45 am

    THis article combined with God and prayer is empowering, God helps us to gain perspective and strength with the things in this article. We can then act on whatever we need to do for betterment for ourselves and perhaps others.

    Reply
  • July 25, 2018 at 10:49 am

    One thing to point out, when we have a feeling during the day that we don’t understand why or where it has come from, please don’t discount our sleeping dreams. The brain downloads and processes information while we sleep, often it processes that which we are not conscienciously aware of or allowing to ourselves to be consciously processing.

    My dog has a habit of waking me when I’m having disturbing dreams which in turn allows me to remember them (probably because I do the same for her during her doggie nightmares.). I am consistently shocked at what my brain has ‘dreamed up’ while I’m sleeping. I am often completely unaware at how much a troubling issue is really bothering me until I ‘see’ what my dreams entailed.

    Reply
  • July 26, 2018 at 5:22 pm

    I love this so much. Please post again so more readers can read! Just not sure I can imagine that all of us follow these patterns. We are so unique.
    Many of us walk off emotons. Some of us are truly less emotional. Some of us have a great handle on emotions. Would love to hear what you say, but I’m a firm believer that some of us, wired or not, don’t struggle and really have such a handle on all this. I was much better at this in my 20s when life was so simple. LOL and so true!

    Reply
 

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