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4 Reasons To Enjoy Valentine’s Day When You Are Not In Love

Perhaps this Valentine’s Day you are not wondering what gift to buy for a partner. Perhaps you’re not thinking about where to go for a romantic dinner. Perhaps you have other concerns.

Maybe instead you are one of the millions of people who are actually dreading the holiday. Maybe you’re feeling alone and lonely, or wondering why your broken heart is lasting so long.

Valentine’s Day has a way of making you feel acutely aware of the relationship you do not have. If you are single, February 14 is likely to make you feel doubly alone. Approaching the holiday in this position can easily lead to feeling down and sad even when there is no actual reason to feel this way.

Yet those who are alone on Valentine’s Day can get through the holiday with flying colors if they use it as a catalyst for self-examination and positive change. Here are four important ways to do that.

4 Ways To Use Valentine’s Day When You’re Single

Define This Time Alone as an Opportunity

Whether you are between relationships, trying to recover from a broken heart, or haven’t been able to open yourself to have a serious relationship yet, everything can change for you if you reframe the negative to a positive.

15 thoughts on “4 Reasons To Enjoy Valentine’s Day When You Are Not In Love

  • February 11, 2018 at 11:51 am

    Dr. Webb,

    Thank you so much for this article. I am single, never married and Valentine’s Day is always one of feeling left out. Married people also have anniversaries they celebrate. Even religious clergy celebrate anniversaries – years of service to God. Single people have nothing to celebrate. There is no day I am aware of for single people to celebrate their life’s or contributions.

    Your article is very helpful. I plan to treat myself on Valentine’s Day. I will buy myself something I have wanted for awhile. What makes this different from other purchases is the cost. It’s usually more than I would normally spend. I do the same on my birthday.

    Your work in CEN has made a great difference in my life. Thank you so much and Happy Valentine’s Day.

    • February 11, 2018 at 12:03 pm

      Dear Mary, I’m so glad you are celebrating your relationship with yourself on Valentine’s Day. That is wonderful and an inspiration for many!

  • February 11, 2018 at 12:36 pm

    After the heartache of growing up emotional mentally and sometimes physically with a mom that not only scapegoated but really felt contempt for me my road to recovery has been a marathon. To make the pain more acute she obviously adored my sister and the two were no match for me. I had no escape and grew up with feelings that I buried so deep that they’re only now resurfacing now in my late ’50’s. Truly a broken childhood lasts a lifetime.

    • February 11, 2018 at 2:21 pm

      Dear Sad, I am so sorry you endured what you did. I’m heartened to hear that your feelings are resurfacing. I know it will be painful at times and I hope you will persist in working your way through them and toward making yourself happier. I have no doubt that you deserve joy in your life.

    • February 13, 2018 at 10:06 am

      A broken childhood is a terrible thing to endure — and yes it does follow you into adulthood. But YOU are greater than ANY bad stuff that could ever happen to you. I endured night terrors, personal emotional trauma, and horrible relationships because of the way Mom beat and otherwise debased me and my sister as we grew up. My sister left the family in part because of what our mother had done to her, and when we finally got back together (long after Mom passed), Sis talked great deal about what she had endured. I listened lovingly because although I had gone thru ten years of therapy and was over much of that, she obviously wasn’t and I did and said all I could to support her sense of self-worth.
      My epiphany came in 1980 when I read “The power of Positive Thinking” by Norman Vincent Peale– and though he was a famous evangelist, Peale himself says that his book is not meant to be religious– and it really is more of a friendly fellow/lady who cares for the reader and wants the reader to know JOY. I love this book still — even 38 years after I first read it. Louise Hay “You can Heal Your Life” was a blessing too. And the book “On the Day You Were Born” brought me to tears in the bookstore — and I bought it — I’ve never hugged a book before, but I love this book. My healing was in increments — the glass was half empty — and how I rejoiced! Then it was half emptier etc etc but will never totally empty itself. I can live with that. Cherish yourself. Help others as you wish and are able to, should you so desire. It is infinitely rewarding when a STRANGER you have talked to on-line thanks you for your loving help.

      • February 13, 2018 at 10:10 am

        Oh– LOL — Yes, Valentines Day!! I’m in-between cats right now (two jobs, get home exhausted)but when I had kitties I would go out and buy Fancy Feast Chicken Hearts canned food and feed it to my 3 cats on Valentine’s Day — while telling them how much I loved them — they lived to be 14, 16 and 18 yrs of age — I miss them to this day — they are PURE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE (even with a few litterbox misses here and there – am I not their faithful valet??)

        I also got myself a heart shaped box of chocolates — Life is good.

      • February 13, 2018 at 10:34 am

        Couldn’t agree more Ace. Joy and gratification are everywhere when one is open to experiencing it. Happy Valentine’s Day!

      • February 13, 2018 at 12:30 pm

        Thank you! And the same to you too!!

  • February 12, 2018 at 6:47 am

    A woman and I are dating. She’s been madly in love with me for years. I like her but am not madly in love. Of course, who I do usually fall for is problematic–my CEN usually direts me toward highly unavailable women, so the fact that the current woman is not activating my misshapen neurological “love” gyrus is not surprising. Is swooning over someone a necessary part of love? Or is my CEN getting the better of me?

    • February 12, 2018 at 7:53 am

      Hi Tommy, that is a tough call. I do not think swooning is a requirement. But you do need physical attraction and a strong emotional bond. Who do you want to tell when something good or bad happens? Who do you most enjoy having dinner with? Asking yourself lots of questions like this can tell you quite a lot. Since you know that your heart goes for the wrong kinds of love, be sure to include that as you weigh this all out.

  • February 13, 2018 at 6:16 pm

    I was in a second marriage for 35 years and lonelier than I had ever been. Here I am now, 81 years old and in love with a guy, also 81, and we graduated from high school together. We’ve been seeing each other for only 4 months; our spouses died around the same time 18 months ago, and we’re so familiar and happy with each other !! Your article is precious and I continue working on myself…I am a “me too” and am so in sync with you and you’re help. I just want to say Thank You. 💗

    • February 13, 2018 at 7:11 pm

      What a lovely and inspiring story Margaret. It’s true that one can feel far more lonely in a relationship that’s not connected. I wish you a happy and healthy future with your new guy.

  • February 14, 2018 at 4:30 am

    Thank you so much for this article. It’s just what I needed today.


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