15 thoughts on “3 Powerful New Years Resolutions Specially Designed To Heal Your Emotional Neglect

  • December 31, 2017 at 7:34 pm

    Happy New Year, Dr. Webb,
    Just having a label for my set of issues has helped me better understand myself. Every blessing to you in 2018.
    In gratitude,
    A recovering survivor of CEN.

    Reply
    • January 1, 2018 at 10:58 am

      Happy New Year Janci! Keep up the good work.

      Reply
  • December 31, 2017 at 8:45 pm

    Thank you Dr Webb, for all your work. I have put these into my plan for 2018, just setting it up now. Your work has made such a difference to me; now moving onto looking at relationships and your new book. Wishing you + your work great success in 2018.

    Reply
    • January 1, 2018 at 10:58 am

      That’s great Rosie! I’m glad to hear it. Wishing you a great 2018 too!

      Reply
  • January 1, 2018 at 4:48 pm

    1/1/2018

    Thank you, Dr. Webb, for your life-saving work. I am copying this essay into my daily journal to refer back to throughout 2018. You hit the nail on the head that adults who suffered CEN invalidate their needs and over time this leads to unhealthy, one-sided relationships/friendships as well as joyless living.

    I just joined 52 Weeks of Momentum led by Benjamin Hardy and plan to integrate your wise advice into my goals for his program. Will start by re-reading “Running On Empty” in my Kindle library.

    Happy New Year to you and your loved ones, and again thank you for your literally life-saving work!

    Reply
    • January 1, 2018 at 9:27 pm

      Dear DK, I’m glad you are taking on your CEN! I wish you a happy and healthy 2018.

      Reply
  • January 2, 2018 at 12:18 am

    Dear Dr Webb
    Thank you for your work. Also for setting your readers up for a much more fulfilling year ahead. I’m realising that lack of self discipline is at the basis of much of my lack of happiness and long lasting success. Thanks for pointing out that it’s a brain development issue and how to create new neural pathways.

    I can see how my well meaning mother never taught me this even though she herself is an extremely self disciplined person. She wanted intelligent children so she married my clever and charismatic but very troubled, needy, demanding and angry father. She concluded when I was a few months old that I was intelligent, and therefore there was nothing else required, namely I had all the inner resources needed to forge a happy and successful life.

    When I was about 7 she advised me she had only limited energy so she would focus on my father’s and younger brother’s needs. She asked me to be quiet and good, not cause any trouble and do well at school. I’d say that’s when the wall went up.

    So I did my best but felt very alone and unsupported in the world, terrified in fact. I pushed all my needs and feelings behind the wall and was never sure whether I was getting it right. However I projected a facade of competence, confidence and success to the world while all the while feeling a failure.

    All the characteristics you have described, lack of trust and self-confidence, unawareness of feelings and needs, lack of true connection, approval/validation seeking, to name a few are what have driven my life.

    I’m 67 my mother’s 88 and I’ve tried to raise this in a non confrontational way but she takes it personally and then I have to comfort her. So I’m taking on the things you suggest in your second book which I’ve found very helpful. Now I’ve taken on your new year’s resolution around self discipline. It’s actually quite difficult but like any new habit it will take time.

    I wish you a happy and fulfilling year ahead and all blessings to come back to you for the amazing gifts of transformation you are bringing into people’s lives.

    Reply
    • January 2, 2018 at 9:48 am

      Dear Karen, you sound like you truly understand CEN and what it takes to heal. Keep your can-do attitude going, and your life will keep getting better and better. Wishing you all the best in the New Year and beyond!

      Reply
  • January 3, 2018 at 10:17 am

    The Three Things seems to go against everything I am learning through my doctors, CBT, DBT and Smart Recovery. Isn’t “should” a bad word? And “force myself” sounds quite unkind.

    Reply
    • January 3, 2018 at 10:25 am

      Hi Patty, good questions. The words “should” and “force myself” could be destructive when you use them against yourself. In this exercise, you are pairing them with positive energy and purpose to take control of your own brain. It’s all about how you use them.

      Reply
    • January 3, 2018 at 5:41 pm

      May I add a comment about my experience so far of “forcing myself” to do something I don’t feel like doing. It’s more like having a little pep talk with myself, from a positive point of view.

      An example: a couple of days ago I was sitting on the couch knowing I “should” be getting up to go visit a friend in hospital. But I didn’t really feel like moving.

      Then I remembered Dr Webb’s blog and the fact I’d taken on this resolution. So in my mind I reframed it in a positive way, how pleased my friend and I would be to see each other. That got me into action and we had an enjoyable visit.

      I mindfully dealt with the situation. Previously I would have given in to my lack of self discipline, made excuses, ending up either not visiting or doing so reluctantly and feeling guilty or resentful and beating up on myself for that.

      Yes I would say I did ” force myself” because inertia is ever present but it was done positively and mindfully. The more I’m doing this the easier it is getting and the more feelings of accomplishment and enjoyment I’m experiencing.

      This comment was all about me I know, however I’ve shared in the hope that it might be of assistance to you in all the other good work you are doing. It’s difficult undoing damage and a process that takes courage and perseverance over a long time. So I wish you much success.

      Reply
      • January 3, 2018 at 6:28 pm

        Dear Karen, that is a perfect example. Thank you for sharing it and keep up the great work!

        Reply
      • January 3, 2018 at 7:56 pm

        My way of coping with CEN (alcoholic parents, physically and mentally abusive siblings) was to be GOOD. All the time good. Obedient, non-complaining, doing for others. I’m just now learning how to cut myself some slack and it’s not easy. I’m glad the Three Things exercise works for others, but it’s just too harsh for me. Thanks, though, for the focus on CEN. I do appreciate it.

        Reply
      • January 4, 2018 at 11:00 am

        That’s very understandable Patty. Please look for my description of Compassionate Accountability. I wrote a previous blog about it, and it’s also described in detail in my book, Running on Empty. I wrote it to help CEN folks to walk the line between holding themselves accountable while also having compassion for themselves.

        Reply
      • January 4, 2018 at 1:12 pm

        Thank you. The article on Compassionate Accountability really resonated with me. I guess that’s just where I am right now. And I purchased your book. (See…I’m not a troll!)

        Reply
 

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