8 thoughts on “The 5 Special Challenges of the Doubly Emotionally Neglected Couple

  • March 25, 2018 at 1:23 pm

    It is so important for both people to realise if they have walls. Hopefully both of them are willing and able to work on it too. I had a partner who wasn’t willing or able to admit any walls/issues and it ended our relationship.

    • March 25, 2018 at 4:06 pm

      As a couples therapist I have seen walls ruin many relationships so I understand what you went through Anneri! It’s essential to acknowledge one’s wall and start breaking it down.

  • March 27, 2018 at 9:20 am

    Dr. Webb,

    It’s scary how both of these people sound a lot like me! I have an easier time accepting kind acts from strangers than a close friend or loved one. How can I tell the difference between someone being manipulative or just simply being nice to me?

    Also, I am seeing a therapist who I feel doesn’t really understand CEN. She doesn’t believe that how I feel now should be due to my childhood. In your opinion, should I stop seeing her, even though the location, time, insurance works and I likely won’t be able to find someone else? It’s close to a year and I don’t feel it’s a good fit.

    Thank you for your weekly newsletter. I have learned a lot about myself from reading them!

    • March 27, 2018 at 3:09 pm

      Hi Mari, the only way to tell manipulation from true caring acts is knowing the person. Pay attention to who they are and your history with them. Reading people gets easier the more you purposely try to do it. I never advocate seeing a therapist who does not feel like a good fit. But that’s a decision only you can make. I don’t feel comfortable giving my opinion on something so deeply personal to you when there are so many factors I’m not aware of. I’m sorry I can’t be much help on that!

      • March 28, 2018 at 7:40 pm

        Dr. Webb,

        Thank you for taking the time to reply to me! 😊🙏

  • March 27, 2018 at 7:33 pm

    Hi Jonice,
    This blog post describes my husband and me perfectly! We have been together for nearly 20 years, married for 13 and have two amazing kids. For a long time, I thought it was just me, that I was the problem due to my complicated upbringing and past traumas. However, after two years of therapy I see that my husband and I were perfectly suited to one another due to our shared CEN experiences and our mutual unavailability in the relationship. Now we have a new problem, while I’m aware of our issues and feel I can see things with a little more clarity, he prefers to remain oblivious. He does not acknowledge his CEN experience, nor does he want to talk about it (or anything of importance really). He refuses to join me in therapy because he has a firm belief that therapists end marriages. I love him deeply and I want to be with him, but I can’t go back to the way things were and I can’t handle the loneliness anymore. Now, I feel stuck and unsure how to move forward.

    • March 27, 2018 at 7:55 pm

      Dear Lanie, that is a hard situation to be in, for sure. Maybe you can see if he will read my weekly blog or one of my books? They are available in most libraries. The second one has lots of suggestions for CEN folks who need help reaching their spouses. Take care!

  • April 2, 2018 at 10:13 pm

    Jeepers, are you spying on us? This me and my husband. We try to ensure we know where the other one is coming from. It’s taken us years to get this far.


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