12 thoughts on “4 Steps To Putting Yourself First

  • February 5, 2017 at 10:35 am

    After reading every email you send I now realize that I have CEN. The acceptance will make it easier to begin to Heal. I struggle with what is the next step. What’s nexted ? Where do I go from here. ? Not being able to talk with anyone makes it more difficult to know where to go from here. Thanks for your emails keep them coming.

    • February 5, 2017 at 12:14 pm

      Hi Sandy, Yes acceptance is the vital first step, for sure. Do you have a copy of Running on Empty? The second half of the book walks you through the healing process, with exercises and worksheets. Sending you all my best wishes!

  • February 5, 2017 at 11:23 am

    Well, I think I’m doing all four. Is it possible to heal oneself of Childhood Emotional Neglect? If so, I think I’m somehow managing to do so.

    I love your articles. Might it be possible to write some articles to do with dealing with living with the elderly parent who was responsible for the CEN and how to cope?

    I’m finally coming out of my shell about this and making my own way – way past the age I should have done so, but the CEN held me back in so many ways!

    Thanks again. Any tips and articles to do with this will be greatly appreciated!

    Still hoping to earn the money to buy your book in the near future! One of many things on my bucket list!

    • February 5, 2017 at 12:15 pm

      Hi Amanda, that’s wonderful that you’re doing all four! And yes it’s definitely to heal yourself from CEN. My next book (writing it now!) is about how to heal CEN in your marriage, your parenting and with your parents. I’ll be writing lots more articles on those topics going forward so stay tuned. And keep up the good work!

    • February 5, 2017 at 1:37 pm

      Make sure to check your public library, too. I found Running on Empty as a book and an e-book at my local library.

  • February 5, 2017 at 3:17 pm

    I have kept abreast with your well informed articles and in doing so, I’ve learned a lot about CEN, the causes and affects, also, about myself and how I function. In order to encourage changes within myself, I want to share my ‘new rules for living’ which I would not have been able to do so without your book and postings. With anticipation I’m looking forward to reading your next book. Thank you!

    My Bill of Rights….

    1. ‘Learn to Love and Respect myself.’

    Just because my parents did not nurture, validate and appreciate the loving, compassionate, kind, creative, quirky and intelligent child that they had MADE together, it doesn’t mean that I can’t do it for myseIf. Their lack doesn’t have to be my lack. They were wrong! It was they who missed out in knowing who I really am. Nor, does it mean that I have to be a part of the neglect too by treating myself the way they did. Therefore, I will not neglect to attend to my needs and wants. I will stop putting the needs of others’ before myself and, to the detriment of myself. In doing so I will be treating myself in a loving and respectful way.

    So how do I learn how to love and respect myself when I didn’t recieve those goodies when I was young….

    2 I must Value myself

    …..even though others’ don’t! I am a child of god and I have a god given right to be on this earth and let my light shine. God has a purpose for me and it certainly wasn’t to be the scapegoat and punch bag for my parents or, anyone else. I am a unique individual with my own special gifts and I will honor the gifts I’ve been given for this life and value who I am by aknowledgement and validation of the ‘self’ hence valuing myself in doing so.

    How do I Learn to Esteem myself?

    3. I say NO to the users and abusers in my life and mean it when I say it. When someone bullies me by raising their voice and/or threatening me, as well as using name calling and insults in order to demean, shame, manipulate and gain control over me then, I have the god given right to end it by walking away. I have a right to assert myself. I have a right to take care of my needs and wants without accepting insults and being called names. I will not listen to or accept abuse in any form. Doing this involves the lessons to Love and Respect myself and to Value ME. I will now treat myself in the same way that I treat others and that is with dignity and respect, knowing that I deserve good treatment too.

    I will continue to apply those three things: learn to love and respect myself, value myself and saying No to abuse in any form on a daily basis which is akin to feeding my body with nutritous foods in order to help me grow emotionally and spiritually each day one step at a time. Amen.

    I will aknoweledge who I am warts and all

    • February 5, 2017 at 4:11 pm

      Good work Sally! I love your Bill of Rights. You are an inspiration. Keep up all the great work you’re doing.

  • February 8, 2017 at 7:33 am

    Wow. All of this describes my child hood! We literally didnt talk about our feelings ever! Now i suffer with depression because of it. I dont know how to express emotion and thought something was wrong with me. Like something was broken in me. I constantly look to please others as if making them happy will some how make me happy.
    I dont really have any interest or passions.
    My marriage is struggling.
    This all pretty much decribes me.

    Growing up being told to “man up” and hide my feelings has crippled me emotionally.
    I will be looking for your book and doing alot of research into this and how to help myself. I dont want my children to end up like me.
    Thank you!

    • February 8, 2017 at 3:16 pm

      Steve, I am sure that you are not broken. This is all fixable. You sound ready to tackle the problem, and I’m glad to hear it.

  • February 8, 2017 at 3:00 pm

    You are GREAT, Jonice.
    Your next book…I can’t wait for buying it!
    Greeting from Spain 🙂

  • October 10, 2017 at 4:47 pm

    Breath-taking in my opinion. So very simple and straight to the point. I needed this and I feel much better now. Especially the writing your likes and dislikes down part, going to do that right now. Thank-you. Have a great day/night.


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