11 thoughts on “Living Life in Seeking Mode

  • December 11, 2016 at 12:42 pm

    Thank you Dr Jonice, for bringing substance to my invisible demon. Next, I suppose, is doing something about it? I am part of the way through your book.

    • December 11, 2016 at 1:30 pm

      Yes you’re right. Doing something is the next step. It does help to know what you’re up against. And it’s key to stop blaming yourself for your “habit.” It frees you up to put all your energy toward changing the behavior itself.

      • December 11, 2016 at 2:52 pm

        “Habit”? “Behavior”? I can’t resist the desire to know.

      • December 13, 2016 at 4:47 pm

        “The problem behaviors that you always thought were habits are actually a message to you. You need something, and some part of you knows it.”

        oh Thank you

  • December 11, 2016 at 1:22 pm

    I can identify with a lot of your book. I read about food,tv, gambling, and internet seeking modes; but what do you do if you have ” mom” seeking modes. Looking for someone to fill a Mom role. It’s like a hollowness inside me that I can’t fill. It’s a mode that consumes my life. It’s a mode that has halted everything I’ve ever tried to do. I don’t know how to fix it. It’s like barbed wire wrapped around me and won’t let go. Sometimes it gets so bad that I just don’t think I belong anywhere. That I was a mistake. I don’t know how to fix it. Am I beyond help? Is there anyway to fix this before it’s too late for me?!

    • December 11, 2016 at 1:33 pm

      Donna, you are not alone with this empty “mother space.” You are in the company of many other wonderful women and men. I suggest two things: a well-trained, challenging yet nurturing therapist; and using your therapist’s help and support to begin to fill that space with real people and genuine love and healthy things. You can do it, I assure you. It is not too late! Sending you all my best wishes.

    • December 11, 2016 at 10:44 pm

      I feel like I used to do the same thing Donna! It doesn’t help that I lost my mother when I was 26 and she was just 49. I was younger but I have lost all my friends and don’t try to make new ones. I felt like I was needy when I’m really a super responsible I-can-do-it-all-with-no-help kinda person. So I would clamp down anything that would make my neediness glaringly obvious. I would make friends with older women who took in strays, me! I always felt like a stray. Hope you take Dr. Jonice’s advice. I wish you the best.

  • December 11, 2016 at 10:55 pm

    Thanks Dr. Jonice for this article. It has all come to roost! I always figured I was an emotional eater but filling in an empty space with food as you say, makes so much more sense. I feel like I can fill that space with something else that won’t jeopardize my health. I also spend way too much time on FB and actually gave it up this past year for 4 months. I know I can do it again. I feel like I can watch myself when I’m trying to fill a space, remind myself of what I’m doing outside of eating when I’m actually hungry. Dr. Jonice, you have given names and meanings to actions that have kept me down on myself and ways to help myself. For that, I’m thankful.

  • December 12, 2016 at 8:10 am

    And emotions have no calories. You didn’t mention that.

  • December 14, 2016 at 5:58 am

    It takes me many hours in front of the internet to soothe myself before I can muster the courage to turn off the lights and go to sleep. Then I lay on my torture rack…I mean, my bed. Perhaps these outlined steps will help me.

  • January 29, 2017 at 5:43 pm

    “Meditation is not only a way to train your brain to look inward, it also gives you better control over your own mind.”

    That seems misleading. One of the things I was expressly taught in mindfulness training is that we have very limited control over our minds. What we can do is relieve the internal pressure that stems from avoidance, and train ourselves to recover smoothly when we notice that our mind has wandered.


Join the Conversation!

We invite you to share your thoughts and tell us what you think in this public forum. Before posting, please read our blog moderation guidelines. A first name or pseudonym is required and will be displayed with your comment. Your email address is also required, but will be kept private. (Please note that we use gravatars here, which are tied to your email address.) A website/blog/twitter address is optional.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *